Quick question!

by emilyblue 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  J-ex-W

  I guess he's right that I always have to learn things the hard way.

  And let's get one thing straight here: There is also a matter of LEARNING STYLES. Not any right or wrong way of taking in or assimilating/ sounding down new information--simply differing learning styles........ Some people learn best by reading or having things read to them--some people learn best by getting in there and DOING the project themselves, picking up and even adding new ideas as they go....

  [Example: Someone can sit and show me how to operate a computer all day long...but until I sit down and start punching in keys on the keyboard *MYSELF*--it is not sinking in...!!]

  What you are going through here is a LEARNING PROCESS, Honey.... If you are a hands-on learner in most things, it makes perfect sense for you to be a hands-on learner in relational dynamics too. Don't let anyone look down on you or make you feel bad about that...ABSOLUTELY N-O-T-H-I-N-G wrong about that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  So if you learn BEST by rolling up your sleeves and 'digging in' (or, as some call it...by doing things the 'hard' way)...............MORE POWER TO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That type of learner has some unique gifts to offer as well.

  You can and WILL learn from this process, too.

  Hope I'm not being too presumptuous with this one. That phrase "learning things the 'hard' way" always makes me think of this. In my opinion, what it really amounts to is learning things hands-ON.... Give yourself permission to learn during this process withOUT beating yourself up for not having known this process before. LET yourself get familiarized...go in with EYES WIDE *OPEN*..........................

  Here for you,

  J-ex-W
• 

  horrible life

  I started to think that maybe he was right and I am overly emotional and I have been stingy with money when I have the ability to help him pay his back taxes and his creditors but I just told him I didn't feel comfortable doing it. I rationalized that I was already paying his cell phone bill and paying for our dinners whenever we would go out and our groceries when we would eat in.

  Emilyblue; I just can't in good conscience just tell you to leave this guy.

  You need to cancel the cell phone. Put away your checkbook.Get a restraining order. This man is using you, and he is good for nothing. 6 jobs in 1 year? CREDITORS???

  HE WANTS YOU TO PAY HIS BACK TAXES!!!!!!????????? OMG

  You have a con man mooching off of you. We all knew he was a rotten JW, but in reality he is a rotten human. He is abusing you mentally, financially, and I would dare to guess physically. (Sorry if I am wrong, but I have been in 2 of these relationships, so I am kinda an expert)

  He could be disfellowshipped for taxes, if he failed to follow Caesars laws, in not paying taxes. Getting divorced? 2 times?? Sound like he was skirting getting disfellowshipped several times. He also can't be alone with you, at ANY time. This is a violation. And this does not mean having the child present. Because the child is not an adult, and could fall asleep, etc. If he is so high and mighty, about doing everything right, then he should not even speak to you, since you are studying, until he is reinstated. And believe me, if his "friends" are really witnesses, they will not speak to him. He will get the cold shoulder from everybody. And I mean every JW. The Elders were just praying something would come up with this guy, so they could put him away. Don't count on a short time period. The elders were tickled pink to get him, where they wanted him. I would put money, that they want him to just go away, and disappear. They know he is bad news.

  DEMONS CALLING HIS CELL PHONE??????? NIGHTMARES ABOUT MUDRER??????????????

  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you not see the writing on the wall. He is dysfunctional, dreams about murder, doesn't have money, irrational, "anxious"=paranoid, Belongs to a cult. He said he can't live without you, WILL he take you out with him????

  I am afraid for you. Please don't say, "She just doesn't understand" Because I do understand. Does he have a key to your home?? Have your locks changed also. Always look around you and be aware of your situation, while driving, and walking to and fro. Always let someone know where you are going, and check in with them.

  Does he own a gun???? What does he say about the murders at Virginia Tech?? Is he more curious as to how, than sorry it happened???

  Get the restraining order, and move, like you were planing. You owe this man nothing. Cut your losses, in time and money. Just leave.

  I told him that if I'm the unstable one, then how come I'm not the one who's gone through six jobs in less than a year? How come I'm not the one with creditors calling at least twice a week? How come I'm not the one hearing imaginary demons calling my cell phone and having nightmares about murder?

  If he is so "anxious" now, and acting paranoid, having nightmares, and in general, just not handling life in general, after next week, being disfellowshipped, and having his whole world pulled out from underneath him, he will be a force to be reckoned with. His mental health will be dangerous. You need to watch yourself, take care of yourself, and get help. By help, I mean law enforcement. I think, after you leave him, and take a big deep breath, you will be great mentally.

  It's ok for him to call me at 2 in the morning when he is feeling "anxious" or alone and send me 50 text messages a day and freak out when I can't reply to them,
• 

  jgnat

  A year ago I never felt like I was abnormal, unstable, or unlovable. I don't think I will ever be the same person again,

  You are right. Once you leave this man behind you will be stronger and wiser. As the lovely J-ex-W says so well:

  Once you become fully educated about the intents, tactics, and warning signs of these types of con men, you will GET OVER THIS ONE and will move on--and will AVOID THE NEXT ONE..........................like any other victim of a con game. Keep your plans for the counselling appt. Honestly, I would recommend doing anything it takes, between now and then, to keep you from talking to him as well.

  Cancel his cell phone. Tell him you don't answer the phone after 9:00 in the evening, and don't pick up until ten in the morning. Then turn off your phones at night. Tell him he will be alone with his freak-outs if they happen in the middle of the night. There's always 9-1-1. This is called setting boundaries. I have more than one mentally ill relative in my life. We all get along because I set reasonable boundaries. You know what? They they abide by the rules and none of them have died.

  When are you moving?
• 

  Odrade

  I just want to chime in here again and say that I don't think anyone who has commented on these threads regarding your situation is overreacting. I cut and paste all of your posts so I could read them in order, and I have to say, I am VERY concerned about your safety and wellbeing. The man you're dealing with is abusive and unstable. You are in an abusive relationship. He is unstable enough to be dangerous. Get a restraining order. Change your locks. Cancel his cell phone. Call ALL of your bank accounts, credit cards, phone company, anyone with whom you have an account and put a password on your private information. Call your credit company and have them put a fraud/theft alert on your accounts, it will put a freeze on any new accounts being opened in your name. You'll have to undo it for your next rental, but it's a good safeguard. If you have any family who can get away and stay with you for a few days while you pack things up, do it. Do not leave a forwarding address.

  Better to escape him now while it is your pride, emotions and self-esteem damaged, than with physical scars or worse.