My oldest daughter is a tough one. She is a real sweetie with everyone else but a real kick in the pants at home. Geez, sometimes she knows exactly what buttons to push. We got into it today and I spewed out some real doozies and actually said 'F**k YOU!" You know, I absolutely HATE myself for that. I don't curse on a regular basis but use to have a real potty mouth back in the day and sometimes that ugliness rears it's head. I'm ashamed.
She screamed at the top of her lungs for me to 'shut up' and I lost it. Not completley, but in my estimation I really failed.
She has a boulder on her shoulder and tries to act like a toughie around me yet it's so lame. Why does she feel like she can challenge me like that? Is this normal because I feel like I am completely alone. It's not like am going to go around and actually tell people what I said to her today. I feel really bad about it and actually apologized to her for my part of it. I just want to throw in the towel sometimes and start all over. Easier said than done.
Then to top it off, my husband said he is going to run an ad in the local paper and if he doesn't get a good response in the next 4 wks he's going to tell his dad to sell the business 'yesterday'. He is SICK of this place and working mass hours for not very much pay. He said it's a thankless job and that he is like a loan ranger trying to keep this business going. It's a lot of work here running a resort and we don't get a very good group of people wanting to work here. So, now I am anxious about all the 'what if's' and don't like change much. We are in the midst of building our own home soon and now what.
Anyway, thanks for 'listening'. I feel like poo on a shoe and have been a bit depressed for a while. Have a lot on my plate and not a lot of support on the homefront. A person can only take so much.