I'm Really Depressed

by onlycurious 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  LovesDubs

  Ok stick your right index finger into your mouth. Now...bite down. HARD. Did it HURT? Well of course it did honey because you're HUMAN. God I cant tell you how many times Ive lost it with my kids and said stuff and did stuff I regret and for years afterwards thinking about it still makes my stomach knot up. But the kids dont feel the pain that we think we inflicted on them. We do because we love the little buggers and are always trying to protect them from abuse so when we do it ourselves...well its just inexcusable and unforgiveable. To us anyway. You said you were sorry...dont beat yourself up about it. Teenagers are put on the planet to push the envelope and test our metal. No doubt about it. I have an 18 year old boy an almost 16 year old girl (add PMS) and a 12 year old boy and my mind as this board knows...is turning to MUSH with all the pressure that ensues. But on the other hand, kids have to learn somehow what the boundaries are and if they are pushing you to saying and doing things you ordinarily wouldnt then a point has to be made that they are out of line. If you poke a bear and poke a bear and poke a bear and he turns around and rips you up you cant be pissed off at the bear.

  She might not think so but perhaps your telling her Fuck YOU! struck a cord somewhere deep down and she will remember that she was biting the hand that feeds her and think twice about it before doing it again. She will remember how she acted towards you when she is confronted with seeing herself in her OWN kids. That...is the sweetest revenge :)
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  mouthy

  (((((((((((onlycurious))))))))))

  I am sorry too hearing what is going on with you & yours.... Try not to feel bad about the swear word, Isaiah had filthy lips -& GOD loved him... LOL
  I can only do what I do after I read any upsetting thread .& I am going to do it again.
  Hold the rocks those that say OH!No Mouthy is at it again

  " Dear Father in Heaven.... You see what is going on in this persons home. Yes it is the same old happening Children being disobedient to parents. But Father forgive all that has transpired there & bring the daughters heart back to Mothers love- & help Mother to forgive herself. I dont know if they at that house believe in you or not ,But you tell us if we ask in the Name above all others & it is your will it will be granted. In the name of Jesus Amen"
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  Madame Quixote

  At least you did not threaten to kick her out of the house and make a fool of yourself at her boyfriend's house, threatening to dump all of her stuff there (like I did a short time ago)!

  Life is challenging and sometimes we don't always know why we react the way we do to certain things. You have a lot of stress outside of your daughter being who she is - which apparently is a teen-ager Or and under-21? My guess?

  We all make mistakes. Hopefully, you and your daughter and your husband will feel better about each other and about work later on and things will improve; or they won't and you'll find some better way of coping and living. I wish you the best.

  Lately, I've been feeling a little stressed and depressed, too. Taking long walks on the beach is very helpful. It gets some of those endorphins working, is a natural escape, and does wonders for a bad day. I hope you can find something like that to do just for yourself, no matter what's going on.

  Exercise does wonders for my mental attitude and usually, just walking away from a highly-charged situation can help. When I calm down a bit, I usually can cope better, whether or not the situation or issue at hand improves.

  If it makes you feel any better, and it probably won't since I'm a "potty mouth" and you're not, I've told my daughter something akin to (if not identical to) "f@ you" at least half a dozen times over the past 2 or 3 years. I always feel like a heel later and apologize and struggle - really struggle - not to say "but you made me say it." We work it out and I apologize and try not to make it a habit.

  The older she gets and the more dependent she seems, the harder it is for me not to scream obscenities at times. I think it is very, very important for me to maintain my composure and try not to act like the child; largely because it is very depressing for me to feel that I am becoming a worse parent than my own mom who rarely ever cursed and who tries to beatify herself for that and for being a wonderful parent (which she was not). She was a very destructive parent and I do not want to be that way; the cursing and screaming and belittling can be very damaging if it happens often, but so can being overly repressed.

  BTW, it is very big of you to apologize after anyone provokes you, and kids can provoke you like no one else (other than your own self-righteous parents). You seem like a pretty balanced person dealing with a lot of imbalance right now. I hope you feel better soon and hope things improve.
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  Hortensia

  I'm sorry you are so stressed - I think you are depressed because you are stressed - I don't have any kids so I don't have anything useful to say on that front, but I understand stress. Sometimes the only thing to do is put one foot in front of the other and try not to think too much about it all. Find some little pleasure in each day, even if it's just five minutes of peace to drink a cup of coffee. My stomach hurts right now, a lot of rotten stuff going on in my life and I feel like a little boat bouncing around on a big angry sea, and the mailman tried to deliver a registered letter today (I wasn't home) and all I can think is "what now?" I'm going to go water the back yard and look at the view and try to get some composure. I get how you feel - sometimes there are just too many stresses in life. So hang in there! and vent on this forum, I find that really helpful. I'd like to hear how it goes for you.
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  bikerchic

  Hey I know how you feel, believe me I do. It's been about 20 years ago and I said the same thing to my oldest son who sounds a bit like your daughter and always knew how to push my buttons. I woke up a couple nights ago dreaming about that incident with him all those years ago and I was crying when I woke up! I felt so awful, how could I have ever said something so hateful to my son whom I love so much although at the time I could have killed him to put me outa my misery, sigh.

  I think all parents loose it from time to time with our kids, we're all human and to err is human. Our stress becomes their stress and when you have a household under stress the kids pick up on it big time and poo happens. I'll tell you what I started doing after that momentous occasion at the advise of my therapist because it was something that worked so darn well it's worth passing on.

  When tempers flare and what I wanted to do was lash out in the worse way I would silently count to 10 to calm myself down and then just take the little bugger in my arms and give them a big hug which usually ended up in crying for both of us but it always opened the door for quiet conversation about what was really troubling them and it was usually something way different than the situation at hand. It worked wonders, things calmed down and best of all they know you really care and you can be someone they can count on for help under stressful conditions.

  I feel really bad about it and actually apologized to her for my part of it.

  That is the important thing out of all this. Don't beat yourself up over this, you did something you felt was wrong and you admitted it and apologized so don't go further on the guilt trip, that causes depression. Just move on and try my suggestion next time and see how it works for you and her, I'm sure you'll be amazed at the results I know I was.

  Don't you hate complicating tough issues with personal failings?

  Nicely put Unconfused!

  Hang in there, if it's any comfort some day she'll be asking you how in the world you coped when she has her own kids! I got this just today from my oldest daughter! LOL It's all good and they do grow up and move away eventually, yay!
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  The Lone Ranger

  I have not read all the replies to this post. I know what I am about to say will get some women upset its my true opinion. I believe that Mothers and daughters can’t get along. I have seen many ‘good’ mothers with ‘good’ daughters yet they fight like wild cats and then many times the daughter go’s wayward as soon as she is older enough. I believe that she needs a father figure. ONLYCURIOUS does have a husband but he seems not to be a father figure and she has confirmed that he spends too much time at his work and so seems not to be home as much as he NEEDS to be. Where there is no strong father figure, a Son seems to cope with just a mother better then a daughter does with just a mother.

  What ONLYCURIOUS needs to do is to talk to her husband and get him more involved with the daughter, more involved with the family then just his work, have a heart to heart talk with her, use some father authority and she will response. Many women these days are conditioned to believe that Super Mums exists, and they do not need men, men are just financial providers. There is no such thing as a Super Mum, they may raise children on their own but with a good and strong father figure, a better and stronger family will result. Sadly some men are also conditioned to believe that they are not needed at home, its OK just to have a good paying job and leave ALL the child rearing to the Mother.

  Sorry if I upset some of you women on this Board, but its my true opinion, and I live by it, I have 2 step daughters, 17 & 18, both pretty and I involved myself with ALL their issues, for their Sake.
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  DJK

  My wife and I raised my two children and her three children. When they reached the teen years, it was HELL.

  They have all grown and left the house now for ten years and when we get together and look back at the HELL, we LAUGH.

  I can't tell you how many times we said fu to each other, the point is, you get beyond that and laugh.
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  sass_my_frass

  I'm with Crumpet, what a great solution; laugh it all off. You've got bigger stuff going on at the moment. I wish my mum had had a better sense of humour and enjoyed herself more.

  Fear of a teenage daughter is a minor factor in my decision not to breed!