by Gregor 32 Replies latest social family
When they reach a certain age they are expected to "sign up" (get baptized). In many cases if they choose not to their parents essentially "disfellowship" them. So a lot of children get baptized under pressure from the parents and when they fail to live the JW life and get DF'd the folks are the harshest shunners.
Are there any victims of this "catch 22" here?
Gregor,
That was the bottom line in our family and all extended family. (20)..count 'em, cousins under the same pressure.
Kind of reminds me of the Mafia.
r.
I so agree.
And they reply "Jehovah's love is conditional."
JW's have an amusing way (well... not really so amusing I guess), of showing love.
"When they reach a certain age they are expected to "sign up" (get baptized). In many cases if they choose not to their parents essentially "disfellowship" them. So a lot of children get baptized under pressure from the parents and when they fail to live the JW life and get DF'd the folks are the harshest shunners.
Are there any victims of this "catch 22" here?"
One of my nephews fell into this category, although I cannot say he has truly been shunned by his family. He has some mental health issues, too, and has had to be on medication and they have continued to be supportive to him.
However, what I really wanted to tell about was my younger sister. I am 55 years old now and my sister is in her late 40's, but when she was in her early teens and I was in my late teen's, she told my mother that she did not think she wanted to get baptized. My father was not a witness and he worked shift work and when he was working in the evenings, my mother and older brother were physically abusive to her. I can remember them chasing her through the house, my brother in the front and my mother running along behind laughing and saying, "Get her, get her" and knocking her down on the floor between the dining room table and the wall and then both beating her, laughing all the while. This kind of thing happened repeatedly. I felt totally helples to be able to help her and did not know what to do. I know now that if I had told my father or maybe the counselor at school, something might have been done about it. But my mother was so controlling and domineering that we were afraid to go against her in any way. And this was done because she did not want to get baptized.
My father died when she was 16 years old. She ended up living alone with my mother and brother out in the country and being very afraid all the time. She was really afraid they would kill her. By that time, I had moved out and my other sister had gotten married and moved out. About a year after my dad died, my mother sold the property in the country and they moved to town. They moved into a three bedroom apartment in a duplex. My sister told me that the first time our brother went to beat her once them moved into town, my mother stopped him and said you can't do that here. If people hear you, they will call the police. She said our brother seemed very surprised, as if he thought there was nothing wrong with what they had been doing.
She never did get baptized and by the time she moved out on her own, she totally quit going to the kingdom hall and has never looked back. She has not been cut off by the family as she was not baptized and so was not disfellowshipped or disassociated, but she has been looked down on for not being a witness and there have always been undercurrents because of it.
There were a lot of sick things that went on in our family for many years and maybe some day I will take the time to tell our story. But this thread made me think of that because she was specifically beaten for not wanting to get baptized, and was labeled by my mother as being rebellious.
I was a child who only got baptized to make my parents happy. There were some sick things that went on in our household too. I will say this though, it really is gutwrenching what JW parents do/did to their children while a JW. Nothing was every good enough for my parents, no matter how hard I tried to be a good JW. When I left in 1992, I did not turn back either, I was 18. I would not see my mom for 8 years (we reunited in 2000 after she was DFd) and I have not seen my dad since October 1992, his loss, not mine.
Nikki
When they reach a certain age they are expected to "sign up" (get baptized).
This is very true and devistatingly sad for so many JW youths. My little brother moved in with me when he was around 14 because my parents didn't want him in their house if he wouldn't be a witness. I would have adopted him but instead I was given guardianship over him and I tried to make a good life for him. It's just sad because he could have had such an incredible life if only they really knew what unconditional love really is.
Unfortuneatly, most JWs have no clue of what the cocept of "unconditional" love entails. It's so ironic how they pride themselves on the "love" amongst themselves- I don't think there is another group in the world with such a myopic view of love.
Q
Hi Misanthropic!!
I am in awe of you, and what you have done with your brother. Why are JW's like this? I can't think of any other religion that would do this, execpt the JW's. They are so brainwashed, that they disown their own flesh and blood. Now my mom just plain didn't like me. I didn't have a penis. My brothers were her pride and joy. I can look back and see how she may have been a little jealous of my dad and me, when I was little. Til she turned him against me.
Yes i totally agree with this statement, because it's happened to me, and i'm sure a lot of other ppl aswell. I deceided to leave the organisation and have been shunned ever since i did, by all my family and former friends. Being brought up a witness it is expected of you by a certain age to be baptised. My father (an elder) always used to say that ones that have reached 18 and havn't made a decision are "bad association" even if they were active in the congregation. So being brought up with that in my ear and being the son of an elder i just thought that it was expected of me? While i was leaving i did ask a lot of the younger ones that had been baptised why they got baptised, and the main response i got was because it was expected of them... funny that hey. No wonder we all got baptised, it was either that or lose your family. Ironically the later has happended now anyway. I still don't know how they still say that they have "unconditional love" when there are SO many conditions attached to it?
I knew ever since I could walk and talk that I needed to get baptized, pioneer, and go to Bethel to have my parents' love.
Nvr
