Good for you, Andre. You are a better person than your folks were.
JW children - conditionally loved?
by Gregor 32 Replies latest social family
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sass_my_frass
My parents insist that they always gave us a choice about becoming witnesses. Dad, especially, who has never actually gotten baptised himself, said that they'd support us in whatever we wanted to do besides joining the army; but there was always the implication: 'as long as you're also witnesses'. My parents supported me so much they followed me around the world when I was trying to get to know a guy I'd met on holiday and who moved back to Europe. Never mind the fact that in my late twenties I should have been allowed to make my own choices, they wanted to show their support for me even if I did decide to marry this worldly bloke. It didn't work out with that guy, mostly because the JW stuff screwed me around and he was worn down by my constant indecision, but also because my parents wanted to retain their decision-making role in my life. By the second time (Mr Frass) I'd decided that I'd make my own mind up thanks, and six months after getting engaged, I met up with them and told them about him, and that we're getting married.
"Okay, we'll support you as long as you talk to the elders." Result -> disfellowshipping.
"Okay, we'll come to the wedding as long as you are getting reinstated." Result -> their tormented presence, my agonising meeting attendance, and a year spent dodging the issue when I stopped attending.
Since they finally found out I wasn't interested in getting reinstated anymore we've remained more or less non-communicative. I'll be in their hometown in a few months visiting the grands, and we'll see what happens. So far they haven't cut me off because I'm not a witness, but they don't stay in touch either. I don't really know where we're at.
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timmycat
Trevor
you said that their love reflects the God they worship....obey me or die. I think a lot of the principles that the bible says are a protection, and obedience is a protection, just as a child obey their parents who are wiser, so to is Gods words, so obedience to Jehovah is a protection. However the shunning is wrong, unless the person is a threat physically or a trouble maker for the family I find that shunning is unloving.
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timmycat
I married twice out of the truth while inactive and came back was never disfellowshiped, I don't understand it sass when you say they can talk to you because you are not a witness yet you said you were disfellowshiped. well what ever hope you're folks find love more important than society thinking.
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trevor
Timmycat.
I appreciate what you mean when you say that obedience to Jehovah is a protection. This may make sense in the mind of a Jehovah's Witness. To people outside the organisation it appears that the biggest, most direct and stated threat to member and their children comes from Jehovah.
It is not logical for the person posing the biggest threat, to offer protection at the same time.
It is known as a 'protection racket' as demonstrated by criminals such as the Mafia. The usual answer to this is that Jehovah has the right to act in this way.
How can someone have the right to act in a way that even sinful humans view as criminal or immoral?
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jgnat
Now, this is not true in all cases, but I've observed a certain remoteness in the way JW mothers relate to their children. It must be on the back of their minds always that they may lose this child that they dearly love to disfellowshipping. The relationship is also a trap for her, as she must never leave or risk losing her child. Hence the huge pressure on the children to conform. And paradoxically, a huge pressure on the mother to remain complaint.
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why???
i got babtized at 13 and my sister at the same time she was 11 and my bro a few years earlier probably when he was 13or 14. I know my bro was pressured. REcently when i asked both of them why they got babtized they both said "DAD". Mydad had a study and she got babtized before us! He was obviously ashamed that his own kids didnt so since we all wanted to please our parents we did it...i still remember exactly what he said to me...One night walking home from bookstudy he said Jodi what is wrong with you i know your a smart girl who loves jehovah why arent you getting babtized yet..i said i dont know ..he said there must be a reason..i said well i feel like i dont know enough i dont have enough knowledge yet...he said dont worry about that we can work on that after pray to jehovah about getting babtized how can you let "sister study" get babtized before you come on you know more than her.
that night i went home and cried my self to sleep feeling so guilty that i didnt know enough and that i obviously didnt love jehovah enough so i just prayed and siad i know this is the right religion and the next day told them i wnated to get babtized...my sister jumped in too. Now looking back i realized i did it for him not because i was overwhemed by the truth it was for him!
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puck
once i (or anybody else my age) got baptized, my mom would (half)-jokingly say: "it's like the mafia. either you're in or you're dead." ha. ha. she still feels that way -- but i'm not certain she *realized* that half of her was not joking.
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looking_glass
From what I have seen it is rare for a JW parent to love their kids unconditionally. I know this also from personal experience and seeing it from the family side. I have a few friends whose parents loved them and would never turn their backs on them, but it was one or two out of the huge group I grew up with. The religion is a black or white, wrong or right religion. Hence, the take of you are either with us or against us, and that applied to family as well. It is also a way of isolating people and making them think 1) someone loves them (jah and/or fellow jws) because they live by strict guidelines 2) they are superior to others and 3) they are promised a hope for the future which they desperately desire because they are so miserable. These people are unable to think for themselves because they are spoon fed and do not wish to have it any other way.
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brinjen
I would have to say yes. It's always been a sticking point for me, how can anyone put others in front of their own child? To me nothing and no-one should come before your kids, they should always be your no. 1 priority. I've seen a lot of (at least seemingly) loving parents drop their kids like a hot potato the second they indicate they want to leave the dubs. I always thought 'this is one powerful cult when they can manipulate their members to this extent'.