I went to a JW "memorial" (funeral) talk on Saturday

by cruzanheart 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  cruzanheart

  Just when I think that I will NEVER set foot in a Kingdom Hall again, the father of a dear friend of mine died. Now, this friend and her husband stood firmly by our side during the hubbub surrounding my dad's suicide and the funeral we decided on (no KH, no elders, no half hour infomercial), and she was having problems with her own family, so I decided to go to his funeral talk as support for her.

  Nothing dramatic happened, really, but it was a good reality check. Jennie, our 13-year-old daughter, went with me and almost fell asleep from boredom and the fact that the elders were too cheap to turn the AC down to a comfortable temperature on a warm Texas Saturday afternoon. When Jennie and I walked in, people stared at us but said nothing, not a word of greeting or a smile. (NOTE: I'm not disfellowshipped, and I never attended this congregation, so I was walking in as a complete stranger to most of these people.)

  I did know a couple of people and hadn't seen them in probably a decade or so. One asked me which congregation I was going to, and I cheerfully said "oh, I haven't gone in YEARS." Shocked, she started to protest and I told her that Dad's suicide was the final straw and it did take a bulldozer over my head but I was convinced that this religion wasn't where I needed to be. She literally sputtered, and I asked "didn't you hear about what happened to my dad?" and she quickly said, "no, but I don't want to hear about it." (Guess she was afraid it would shake her faith, huh?) Then she said she was sorry to hear I wasn't going to meetings, and I told her "don't be, I've never been happier."

  Jennie went to an Episcopalian church last Sunday with one of her friends, and she saw a lot of differences -- for one thing, the priest made it a point to come up and meet Jennie after the service, and welcome her, as did other people. And they served muffins and coffee afterward too, right in the church. I'm glad she has the comparison.

  Freedom is the most wonderful feeling!

  Nina
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  mimimimi

  "she quickly said, "no, but I don't want to hear about it."

  Typical. Scared to death of what they are going to hear and firmly determined there is either a good explanation or it could not be true.

  Good for you for going to support your friend - and good for her supporting you when your father died.

  I am glad to hear about the experience your daughter had going to the church. I would love to find a good church to go to, or try a number of different ones, but am afraid to at this point because if someone saw me going in, there would definitely be a judicial committee and I have not wanted to lose my family. How sick the hold this religion can have on us!
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  LovesDubs

  Mimi..you said "firmly determined" and immediately in my head I started singing "FIRM and DETERmined in this time of the ennnnnndddddd..." LOL! God just shoot me.

  Anyway... Im happy that you went to the funeral and werent afraid of whether or not they would accept you. Its a blessing in disguise that they were so cold in fact for your daughters sake. I bet if you were still attending meetings someplace that sistah would have been all over wanting to know what happened to your dad :)

  Hypocrites....the emperor still isnt aware that he has no clothes on.
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  zeroday

  A few years back when I was still in a dear old sister died. She was 76 and still full time pioneering. One of the very few gem of all the JW's I ever knew. She had been this congo for decades. The PO also up in years knew her from when she began studying over 46 years ago. He gave the memorial talk. I sat there in stunned disbelief. He merely went to his file cabinet and took out the standard memorial outline. No warmth or anything from the heart. Just went by the outline...
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  mimimimi

  LovesDubs, I really should have put quotation marks around that "firmly determined" because I was thinking of that song when I said it and that is such Dub-speak. What idiots they are!

  You are right, too, that that "sistah" would have wanted to know all about her father and what was up if she was still going to meetings. Conditional love for everyone - got your conditional love right here, folks! Step right up!
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  cruzanheart

  Oh yeah, that's what this one was! My friend's husband got up and gave a less-than-five-minute eulogy about the man's name and his survivors, and then he said "now Br. [X] will tell us about what [the dead guy] believed." At which point I whispered to Jennie, "here comes the infomercial" and it sure was. "Let us get out our Bibles" started it off and it went downhill from there, if that's possible. Totally canned, totally bereft of feeling, and WAY too long.

  Nina
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  OUTLAW

  So she got upset about you not going to meetings..But..Could care less about a Family Tragedy..???..Brain Washed and Brain Dead..Maybe we should bury her...LOL!!...OUTLAW
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  Hortensia

  "So she got upset about you not going to meetings..But..Could care less about a Family Tragedy.."

  Yeah! Certainly her priorities are skewed - it's more important to her to hear that you are toeing the line and attending meetings than in hearing about your father's tragedy and how you are doing. Rules over people, appearance over substance, doctrine over humanity.
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  cruzanheart

  For those of you who are just now leaving the Witnesses or are still wondering if it's "right" to leave, I can assure you that once you are truly out for a while and experience people's kindnesses and love given without any agenda, you will be amazed that the Witnesses ever had any kind of hold on you.

  I looked at those people and saw dead eyes, bodies going through the motions. It was creepy.

  Nina
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  Mary

  One asked me which congregation I was going to, and I cheerfully said "oh, I haven't gone in YEARS." She literally sputtered, and I asked "didn't you hear about what happened to my dad?" and she quickly said, "no, but I don't want to hear about it." (Guess she was afraid it would shake her faith, huh?)

  Ya, typical Dub mentality.....can't let any negative truths about 'the Truth' infiltrate the mind eh?

  Then she said she was sorry to hear I wasn't going to meetings, and I told her "don't be, I've never been happier."

  That sentence alone was probably enough to make her head spin around. After all, isn't everyone who leaves the Organization just totally and completely miserable the rest of their lives? She's probably secretly outraged that you dare to be happy.

  Jennie went to an Episcopalian church last Sunday with one of her friends, and she saw a lot of differences -- for one thing, the priest made it a point to come up and meet Jennie after the service, and welcome her, as did other people. And they served muffins and coffee afterward too, right in the church.

  They do that at the church I've been to too....I was really surprised they did this. Then I caught myself and I thought "why shouldn't they?" Unfortunately, the Witness mentality still rears it's ugly head every now and then.....