by besty 35 Replies latest jw experiences
If you told only to an elder that might have been the end of it, but now that it is public information I'm afraid they'll probably contact WTBS for an advice what to do with you, not because of you but because of those left behind to discourage rapid disintegration of congregations involved through copycat "crimes"
But best of luck
to add: so much for true friends in congregation, they first run to elder like dogs instead of coming to see you...
To answer your question...no. You can try, but they don't have a category for that.
Sorry Greedawn, but 99 times out of 100 not going to meetings and service = a visit from the loving elders. And you can sugar-coat it all you want and say it as nice as you can, but in the end, if you don't want to be a witness anymore, you're name's going to get announced. Gymbob
if you've said bye-bye, don't look back to see if they are still waving. Move on to the next phase of life and let them do whatever little old thing they want to do. Out in the real world, it doesn't much matter.
From what I've exerpienced and read elsewhere, it really does depend on your congregation. I dropped out all at once, and while I never came out and told the Elders why, I think they got the message. A few of them used to bump into me at places where I used to shop and try to corner me. I'd just get smart with them and basically dare them to make a public issue of it in the store. My in-laws all knew that I felt the Society had problems; that I did not believe. This past year, I'm sure all of them know I'm an atheist, which is reason enough to DF me for apostasy on its own. (Atheism is apostasy to the WT)
Yet I was never DFed. I have not been harassed by the Elders in many years.
Bear in mind that the first month or so was rough. I started receiving so many phone calls each day that my answering machine was full when I came home every day that first week! Most of them from people I barely knew or had never spoken to. Which was creepy. The Elders came by a handfull of times (big push for shepherding calls when they were new in the 90s) and never admonished me directly for leaving. They'd just throw some small talk my way, then chastise me indirectly with a scripture or three. I stood there and put up with it because I was a kid and unsure of myself regarding the Society back then. (That has since changed) I wasn't clear on whether I was right for leaving or not. I just knew that I couldn't take it any more and had to get away. I always choked when confronted because I hadn't sorted through all my thoughts, but that was 11 years ago.
Like I said, things have changed.
I will be interested to find out what happens in your case, though.
IsaacJ
One thing I have never done is offered an explanation to ANY active JW the reason why I became Inactive™. I've heard all kinds of speculation, ranging from becoming Demonized™ to Apostate™ to Materialism™ to divorcing Mr Scully and hooking up with all kinds of Worldly™ men. None of the claims can be substantiated. And not one JW can accuse me of attempting to "convert" them to my way of thinking (ie, Apostasy™). As far as I'm concerned, if any of them gave a rat's @$$ about why we left, they would have asked.
Our fade was facilitated by moving house. We moved across town, out of our congregation's territory, and into a different circuit entirely. Nobody expected to see us at meetings or conventions and never thought twice about it when they didn't. We never showed our faces at the new KH, so nobody from there bothered with us. When the JWs called on us when they were in service, we treated them exactly the way anyone else treated them - "We're not interested".
If I could do it all over again, that's how I'd do it. It worked quite nicely.
I agree with scully, i haven't been out of the org. that long but i tried explaining just one point to my family about why i was leaving and it blew up in my face. Elders called so on and so on. now i am hearing all these rumors about me. I can laugh at them now. But i moved away to a place where no one knew me and i could live my life freely. Eventually after people started calling me and trying to "encourage" me i stopped taking phone calls and they eventually stopped calling. i'm finally free.
If you wish to avoid trouble a rapid exit is the best. Don't talk to anyone else, just stop going. If the elders want to talk to you do not offer any reasons for why you have stopped. Simply say it is not the right time for you at the moment, and you do not wish to talk to anyone about it. I have a few friends that have done it this way and managed to not be d/f. As soon as you say anything about having doubts to anyone, even your most trusted friend there is a very real risk of being d/f.
It is a hard time as the natural desire is to want to let your close friends know what is going on and why. All the best.
Hi besty
I'm in more or less the same boat as you. Be careful when you are questioned by dubs - I've have some very direct questions put to me - others here have reccommended to be kind and gentle but brief, practice the art of changing the subject too and if all else fails politely decline to answer or say you don't know.
Once dubs start feeling insecure and gossiping in little groups at the KH (which they are going to do anyway) the elders start asking one another "who is dealing with this situation with bro and sis x" cos look at the poor sheep they are bleating in distress.
Seriously, on a more positive note many years ago a family nearby did just stop attending. The elders put it about that they were 'disgruntled, amd were murmuring and complaining'. But no announcement was made. I believe that they threatened to go to court if any announcement was made.
I met them occasionally when I was out and about and they were very dignified but remained quiet.
hope you succeed
bernadette
Just to add: to my nearest and dearest, like you, I have said "its not for me" and simply repeated that.
Hi guys!
You have to do exactly what you've said now cos unfortunately you can't have it both ways either.
So if anyone approaches you asking for info you need to say "sorry but I'm afraid I don't want to discuss it"
If other elders come tell them you've spoken to so and so and you've nothing more to add. Then get rid of them.
They will quiz your friends to see if it's true. We deliberately had to say nothing so for our friends good as well as ours.
I know that this goes against everything that you stand for as decent people but it's the only chance of a graceful exit.
I agree with lots of the other posters. This varies from cong to cong and from one body of elders to another. Fortunately my elders were of the "can't be arsed as long as they don't become a problem" class
If you want the exit to be graceful you have to do just that - exit.
Here's hoping and praying.
You know where I am.
S
PS that applies to family as well. Anything you say can be used - especially if there's 2 witnesses Two of my brother -in-laws tried to gather evidence via conversations with us for a committee.
We just want to leave and be left alone WITHOUT any announcements. A lot of elders CO's and DO's must realize that with the information readily available on the internet that "hurting people" by DA'ing or DF'ing is no longer a one way street. If they hurt me I can and will hurt them by getting information out.... How about a sign outside a K.H. with a link to www.freeminds.org or www.jehovahs-witness.com
I was gangbanged by an abusive elder body bent on making an example of me to the flock.My exact words at my appeal DFing was "if you are treacherous with me I will blow you out of the water" That was pre-internet 1992 Google shows over 40,000 pages (incomplete index probably more like 100,000) pages of me denouncing them If they had know they would never have done it!
