Is a rapid graceful exit possible? (page 3)

DannyHaszard

I believe that they threatened to go to court if any announcement was made.

These words will scare them

I feel I left gracefully. I planned my secret escape for 3 months. In Oct 1992, I was reg. pioneering, and I went on in service all day with my pioneer mom, and at the end of the day, I said "See you at home Mom". I never went home. I know its cold, but it was the only way I could have the strength to keep my decision, I was afraid my parents would try to convince me to stay and I would give in. I did evnetually meet with them for 2 hours in the middle of the night, I listened to scriptures etc for 2 hours and said nothing until the end, "can I go pack up somemore stuff, and can I keep my 1984 Nissan Sentre?". That was it. Granted it was a scandal in the congre. but I was not there to be involved in it.

Nikki

sass_my_frass

I am glad that this story is so simple and that you happened upon a guy who will apparently not make waves. I really hope that he doesn't get a bee in his bonnet, as it would be great if this is the end of the story.

Just in case it isn't, consider that in the future somebody else will want to make an issue of it and bring it up. But don't dwell on it. Get on with life and enjoying your time together, building yourself a whole new you. If it ever comes up, you'll have the strength to work out what you want to do then.

bluebell

Well I kinda managed it

I did tell a few people that I was going to stop going to the meetings before I did, they don't talk to me but at least they didn't run screaming to the elders. And when I had the 5 minute visit where I said I wasn't going anymore the elder asked if I felt relief now I'd made that decision I said yes and pretty much wasn't contacted again.

I know why I was aloowed to go so easily - my elder father had abused me admitted to it, stepped down and was being offered "responsiblities" once more, so they were happy to be rid of me.

I am not d/f or d/a, my "friends" don't talk to me, nor my sister and cousins but thats their decision.

Missanna

Bluebell,

I understand what you are saying. my father abused us also and nothing was done so everytime i talked about it with the elders they were very careful of what to say. I haven't really discussed it with the elders but they really don't know i don't go to meetings anymore because i moved but i'm sure my parents have told them. But none of my family speaks to me right now and when they do call every 6 months or so it is to "encourage" me. lol but like you said it is Their Decision. I have people in my life now that are more family than they have ever been. just like i want my decision to be respected i will respect their decision. it's their loss.

writetoknow

I believe we were taught to shake the dust off and the peace will return to us. Those are no just nice words they work. In the big picture in what every orangization goverment, corporate or religious people defend the policy the defending of those policies blinds them to the truth. The truth is seen when those policy are used against them but always revealed through painful trials. The elders will do what they have been told - the same as we did at one time. There will be no magical moment of truth for this orangization because the core its fiber believes it is from God. There are orangization on earth that pre-date Chirst and they still fight and die for their core beliefs. When you shake the dust off - down the roads years later you will wonder why it every concern you in the first place. The only conrol they have is what we give them - does it matter that they think badly of us? Does disfellowshipping mean you are a bad person? If their judgment matters you have received their plague of self condenmation and that plague will stay with you forever. There is nothing graceful about leaving Jehovah's Witness we all know that it hurts everyone envoled that is why there is prolong mental destruction in its wake. The truth is we should disfellowship them as Paul stated: 2Tim 3:5 While retaining a form of piety, they are stranger to its power. Turn away from that kind. God will do his work inside I have lived long enough to see many honest hearted people being taken out of the organzation laying ground work for helping others as they make the same transition. None of us signs on to worship an organization we signs on for love of God his Son and what we thought was truth. We have followed the same steps as all of God's people through out the history of mankind the torture and method have changed in a so called cilvillized times. Many wait in great anticipation for some magical change within the organization because they were taught that from the organization, but the truth is we must change not the impersonal doctrine of an organization allowed by God for a time to refine his people. Stop judging and you will not be judged we must stop the replay of the judgment we all loved in order to stop the plague. We all had doors shut in our face people rejecting us as JW's we were empowerd by those judgments we had control because we trun away and shook of the dust. We have the same power to shut the door and take control of our lives. And much better than that we now have a great crowd of people to help support us through the process.

besty

thought an update was a bit overdue so here goes...

about 2 months has passed since our final meeting and the dust is beginning to settle. Sweet Pea has had quite a few JW friends round at the house inquiring as to how she is and if we are coming back etc. General consensus is that we must be 'weak' and it seems they have real difficulty accepting that we aren't going back and at the same time not being able to label us as DF/DA. It leaves them in the limbo of not being able to officially ignore us and at the same time wanting to remain friends, as these are genuinely nice people. Shame they are under mind control - oh well.

For myself I have had the grand sum of 1 JW friend + family speak to me about the whole thing. In their case the conversation was along the lines of when are you going back to the meetings, not how are you, how is your faith in God + Jesus etc. So 37 years as a JW and a grand total of one person bothers to call me to speak about it. Great. 'By this all will know you have conditional love amongst the current meeting attenders...'

After my 5 minute phone call to the friendly elder mentioned earlier he then decides he wants to come round for a chat anyway to which I agree. Needless to say he turns up with another stooge - our BS Overseer - and we get the loyalty test. No prayer no Scriptures no Bible even present, just questions along the lines of:

Do you consider yourself a JW?
Are you reading the NWT & publications?
Have you joined another church?

So we told them what we thought they wanted to hear. theocratic warfare. Also we said they would be welcome to come back every so often and share some Scriptures with us - knowing full well they probably won't - and that the JW friends were always welcome in the house - knowing they will avoid us. They were both pretty uncomfortable and I tried to make it easy'ish' for them to ask their questions, get the answers and get out the door.

My endgame was to exit gracefully without DF/DA for the sake of my young children being able to see my mother and for a few close friends, in one of the couples he has faded but his wife is still hardline and she would have nothing to do with us if we are labelled.

So now we are working a bit harder on non-JW friendships, a few relatives have shown us some concern etc which has been encouraging. Funnily enough we had a JW family round for dinner last night - except he's disfellowshipped hoping to get reinstated within the month - bizarre if anybody spotted their car outside our house and we get disfellowshipped for eating with a disfellowshipped person, and then he gets reinstated..weird situations that can only happen to a j-Dub.

All in all things are on the up - happy days - no more meeting - Yaay.

Stealth453

Good lucK bro.

R.F.

I'm glad that things seem to be working out for you.

But.....the elders actually ask you if you're reading the NWT??

blondie

Never completely graceful.

I didn't tell any family and friends we were stopping going to the meetings. Those who attended the same congregation who were "friends or family" already knew we were missing most if not all and the rest found out through the WT telephone circuit--gossip. That way you don't invite more questions than you may feel compelled to answer.

Phone calls to you might ensue; more likely phone calls to others ensue. To them you have announced that you plan on "committing suicide." Just use caller ID and discretion. Mulan says that most times saying, "Why do you ask?", slows down the questions from the few truly caring and stops it from the truly nosy.

The ex-PO gave you good advice. Just try to calm things down and most likely they will ignore you, again.

Blondie (5 years into her fade; only ones left that try to contact me are the truly abusive JW family members...more an abuse problem than a JW problem...they would do it even if we all weren't JWs now and in the past...they would find a different "reason.")

PS I saw Danny's comment about another comment about suing. If I would bringthat up, I would emphasize that I would be suing the individual elders not the WTS.

Is a rapid graceful exit possible?