WasA,
My condolences on your loss.
I lost my own father and had a similar experience back in '99.
My father was a great guy,and everyone who met him liked him. He was born in 1930, served in the Army in the late forties/early fifties. He met my mother and got married; my brother came along in '51. another son in '53, a Daughter in '55, myself in '65, and then he got fed up with a number of things including my mother's being a witness and left.
He can't be blamed for my little sister, it wasn't him.
He was the kind who believed what he believed, but nothing too deeply except a smile and hospitality to guests.
He could end any religious discussion by repeatedly asking where Cain got his wife.
In his later years he lived with my older sister who really gave her all to care for him. None of us could have done better and I remain grateful for her sacrifice.
That last weekend, when it was clear he was not long for this world, she reports that he began asking questions about God and what happens, she reports that he seemed to accept 'the truth' even though he was not baptized.
It was his wish that a brother we knew give the talk at his memorial which was held at the cremation society.
However, here is where my dissatisfaction begins to mount.
There was the aforementioned dearth of comment on the dear departed, and in it's place was an offer of comfort and sympathy that would only be of use if you believe as they do, and if you desire to do so, any of the ushers along the perimeter of the room would be happy to provide you further information on how to begin a bible study...
It was so blatant a sales pitch that I was visibly enraged. I can't blame my sister, she was following Dad's request, but in a non-witness venue for a non-witness decedent attended by mostly non-witness mourners, this brother who knew my father well could easily have included some anecdotes or respect for my father, instead he went for the recruitment pitch.
That sonofabitch.
It fell to my eldest brother and myself to pick up Dad's ashes from the cremation society and see to it they were put in the ground at the Fort Snelling National cemetary.
To my knowledge I am the only one going to see him every year on memorial day. I would be delighted to find that this is not the case, but am not fooling myself.
Now I find myself facing my mother's impending demise with great trepidation. She is a baptized witness is good standing, which means a memorial held within the belly of the beast, the Kingdom Hell itself.
I will be, of course, beside myself with loss and at a vulnerable point.
The Kingdom Hells in Mn have these assnine 'no guns on the premises' signs and I am a big carry permit guy. I usually have no problem locking it up to go into hospitals, clinics, or other places where the law requires me to abide their wishes and go defenseless, but to intentionally enter such a hostile threatening place without an 'acessory' discretely at my side is a daunting prospect indeed.
I hold no hope that it will be even slightly tolerable, but I'm going for mom so I'll grit my teeth, hold my breath, and endure. It's what I do.
I can only hope it is years before I have to run this gauntlet.
It simply amazes me that I spent so many years immersed in the worldview of such wrong-minded people pretending that I was living the 'real life.'
As Rush says, "There's a term for a bunch of useless people sitting around doing useless things, two words and the first word is 'circle'"
So condolences on your loss, and commiseration on how your loss was further compounded by the witlesses
