by kevin221 29 Replies latest jw friends
Kevin,
The best thing you can do--keep your cool. First of all, restraining orders MUST be heard in court. Therefore, YOU have all the evidence. The police report, the will, the testimony of your partner.
And most importantly, his dad's NON=involvement for some 20 years.
The judge will throw his restraining order out of court in a red hot minute.
If you are feeling generous, maybe you could give this bastard a gay porno flick or something, addressed "From me to you Dad. Love Jon."
Lisa
Kevin, perhaps this would be to "way out on a limb", especially considering the way this man has treated you. But, perhaps you can use his cruelty, arrogance and abhorrent behavior against him. If he appears at your home again, or if you in ANY way have to converse, tape it, tape it, tape it. Then, send the tape of your conversations to this mans "congregation". This man treated your husband in the most cruel way. If not, just ignore him and speak only through your attorney. He isn't worth anymore than that. And be glad that your jon was the 180 degree opposite.
(((((((((((Kev))))))))))
I'm with those that say let the law take care of this right now. This is your time for grieving. Also call the police any and everytime he shows up,this way it is documented.
Be with close friends now,share memories thoughts and love of Jon.
Like mommiedark says,he's less than a smeggin maggot.
Jw's dont even know or understand the normal grief process. It's all been horribly bent and twisted by the bizzare cultic mindset. luv to you .Tina
'Boycott Shampoo! Demand the real Poo!
Lisa,
I have a "personal" video tape that would probably wreck his world. But I don't think Jon would want him to see that one. I'm calming down now and I'll deal with this bastard on my own terms eventually. For now I can only think of my love, and for now that is all I want to do.
Kevin
Hi Kevin, you know they say that all the crazies come out after a death in a family. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this terrible person. At least it looks like the law is on your side.
Hugs and my love to you. We had two deaths in our family in a very short time frame, so I know how you must be feeling. It's only been a month for us, but we are still hurting very badly.
Hang on, guy. It does get better.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
"Those who know, don't say, and those who say, don't know."
Kevin,
Sorry for your loss. You're in my prayers. As for JonJon's Dad, Fuc* him. He's not worth it. BUT if ya see him, just blow kisses his way.
YERUSALYIM
"Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
[Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
Dear Kevin
So sorry to hear about your loss. I'm fairly new here so didn't have the opportunity to get to know Jon. From what I read of him I wish I had.
John's father is just another example of the heartlessness of the JWs. One of the prerequisits of being in the borg is having your heart and mind removed. He had 20 years to except his son for what he was (thats what love is anyway isn't it?) and didn't. He made his choises and now you must make yours.
Remember you are dealing with someone who has no heart to feel with and no brain to think with so act accordingly and do it legally and keep calm and resolute you while you do it.
Vent here anytime you need to. You are among friends.
minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
Kevin,
Maybe this will help you understand a little. The JW mindset is built around more of "what" a person is as opposed to "who" a person is.
To them you are a gay man who did sinful things with their son. That is all they see, that is all they want to understand. The also looked at Jon that way, "what" he was is, gay, sinful, disobedient, exJW, and their son, in that order. They do not care about "who" Jon was as you and most of us on the board do but more of "what" Jon was. The whole religion sees other people as "what's" and not "who's". They do not have the mental freedom to understand the concept of "who." You can tell them many of the wonderful things Jon has said and done and it will not effect them at all. The "what" of Jon is a wall they will never be able to look over. That is the reason they come for Jon's things, it is "what" he owned they are interested in. It is "what" they can poses of his and "what" they feel defaults back to them because of "what" they are in relation to his life.
In the JW existence it is, and always will be the "what" when it comes to how they view other people. "What" position does someone have in the local congregation. "What" have they done to show "what" kind of JW they are. "What" have they done that is good, "what" have they done that is bad. It's never "who" they are. Are they kind, thoughtful, caring, forgiving, loving, intelligent, funny or any other thing that describes "who" a person is, is not a question the often ask.
Jon's dad will never care "who" you are Kevin, he will only see the "what." Trying to show him or tell him anything beyond what he wants to see is futile. It is how they think, it is who they are. Even when it comes to their god, its "what" he is and "what" he will do. They care very little about who god is or could be, just as long as they have their "what's" in order.
My personal opinion of what you should do if Jon's dad shows up again, you should moon him! I think Jon would get a kick out of that.
Take care pal,
Dave
God, Dave, you are so right-on-the-mark. Nicely done.
riz
Are these people always like what you encountered?
No, some are fine people. But certain characteristics are 'amplified' by the attitudes fostered in religious obsession.
Let me relate an example of similar behavior that I have endured.
My father decides to 'visit' me, supposedly to see me and the house I just bought. But they arrive in the middle of the week to go to a Dis-trict Convention scheduled for that week. So, they go to that DC and spend the next week with me. Of course, this is typical of JW vaca-tions.
Within 1 hour of setting foot in my house, Dad is on the phone and has located the nearest local 'congregation' (cell, 'congo' or hive).
I took them to the first day of the convention. Somebody from the local hive shows up to take them to the 2nd day ses-sions, as I dropped into work to close a project. The next day or so, old JW friends living nearby showed up for ferry duty. During the 2nd week of the visit, some creature from the local hive shows up to take Dad to the Book Study. Please note that someone over there now knows where I live.
So, after the 2nd week, my family leaves. Either the 2nd or 3rd Satur-day, the creature from the local hive shows up again. My front door is open, but the screen door is not. This person DOES NOT KNOCK, enters my house and THEN greets me!!!!
I reply, 'excuse me, but WHAT are you doing?'. I point to the door and send him back to the doorstep. He says that he is here to bring me back to the KH (Kingdom Hall). My father has informed him of 'all the wonderful things that I have done'. (I once pioneered.) He 'also in-formed me that you have not been able to find the local KH'!!!
I laughed and told him that was nonsense. I pointed to my telephone and said that my father had found you within the first hour of his ar-rival and that I was equally capable of using the telephone.
I chatted with him and sent on his way. My basic message was 'don't call us, we'll call you'.
After this incident, I called my father. I asked him to explain this situation. To my surprise, he didn't deny it. I then informed him that he had lied to this 'brother', to get his own way of things. He barked back that 'I did it for your own good'. At that point, I in-formed him that he had violated my rights and my wishes. I also men-tioned that he had made decisions for me and in my name, without con-sulting me.
These people feel that they are in charge of your life FOREVER, if you are their child. This is especially so if you have 'gone along the program' for any length of time. THEY WILL RUN YOUR LIFE FOR YOU!!!
The chain of reasoning for this attitude is roughly this:
1) They are convinced that they are right and the 'only true religion'.
2) All others will be destroyed.
3) Any non-JW presence (including governments) is a temporary matter.
4) All non-JW's are less than 2nd class citizens: they are dead. Lit-erally, they are walking dead ones.
5) Therefore, it follows that any JW (even the lowliest) 'outranks'
any non-JW.
6) So, you have to do what they demand (originally I said request) be-cause they said so.
OH, you weren't aware of this? Well, everybody knows that. You obvi-ously have missed meetings!!!
I am being facetious, but this is very real to them. THEY LIVE THIS APPARITION DAILY.
These people also feel that you are obligated (biblically) to grant forgiveness. Under ordinary circumstances, I tend to agree. But, I have counted over 600 times that my father has phoned me, ran other people down, then turned his attention to me and demanded that I 'do this' or 'do that' in the name of the religion. This is since I left his house over twenty years ago.
So, the last time this occurred, I refused to grant this forgiveness and informed him that he had done this before and had abused the Bible and this privilege of kindness on part of others. In the same vein that a prisoner is expected to reflect on his crime, I told him to do exactly that. Forgiveness or absolution absolves them of taking re-sponsibility for their actions. No, this time you will answer for your sins.
The bottom line: a person may think that they chose that religion. Think again. If you join and it gets its hooks into you, THEY OWN YOU (in their eyes). That is the thought process.
Mustang
PS. I agree with Thirdson/Dave. It is the 'what' of it.
