Freedom of Speech

by Scully 23 Replies latest social family

• 

  Scully

  My family has had an interesting evolution over the past few years of being exJWs.

  As JWs, it didn't even occur to us to use profanity or vulgar language. It just wasn't done. Jehovah's Witnesses don't speak that way - at least that's how I was brainwashed to believe - although I knew plenty of JWs who do.

  Once we started experiencing the real world, it no longer seemed like such a crime (or sin, to be more precise) to say the occasional word that might get *bleeped* on TV.

  After a while though, it grew old. I started to feel that it wasn't my nature to talk that way, and using that language was not conducive to who I wanted to be as person and a professional. I started to view it as a way of demeaning myself and any message I was trying to convey, so I stopped using that language. I didn't want my kids to pick up that habit either.

  Imagine my surprise when one of my kids recently used a whole string of those expletives during a bit of a tantrum for not getting their way. Well, I wasn't really surprised - I just didn't expect it to start this soon.

  Anyway, when I attempted to calmly explain my rationale for not using those words in our home, I was told by my teenager in no uncertain terms that my teenager could speak in that manner if they so desired, because they have FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

  So, how does one go about teaching a teenager that Freedom of Speech has limits?
• 

  Mary

  So, how does one go about teaching a teenager that Freedom of Speech has limits?

  Well um, I'm the last one to give advise about swearing but you might try this:

  I say next time they really want you to buy them something, inform them that that particular item is not included in the Canadian Charter of Rights that says (in part)

  "....Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms: ... (b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression..."

  and that you're expressing your freedom of belief that that particular item is not necessary. Your teenager will pretty soon get the picture.
• 

  Who are you?

  Free of Speech is one thing.....Good manners is another

  Good manners 101....There is a time and place for everything. I curse on occasion, but not in front of my mother. I don't expect either to curse or to have others curse in a business setting....There are generation differences that should be recognized as well....I warn any male under the age of thirty once and once only that if you call me a bitch either jokingly or not I will make you wish you hadn't.
• 

  tetrapod.sapien

  hi scully,

  So, how does one go about teaching a teenager that Freedom of Speech has limits?

  society will teach them that soon enough. but ya, you might as well burst their bubble. it'll be easier on them.

  as far as how to go about it? lol, good luck. ;)

  tetra
• 

  Satanus

  Wow, a whole string! I swear a bit, but, i can't do whole strings. Maybe some day. Anyway, seriously, i'm not one to give you advise on how to stop it, except that there are times, places, and people not do it, just like there are times, places and people that it is better not to pee in front of (or, more correctly, there are times, places and people in front of whom it is better not to pee). Heh . As well, if the natures of both you and your hubb are to not swear, then, it is likely that it is also the nature of your kids to not swear. So then, it may be just a phase that she is going through, or perhaps some kind of peer pressure thing.

  S
• 

  Madame Quixote

  Well, how did you deal with temper tantrums when they were younger? Maybe there is a teen-age correlate? Bad manners = consequence.

  Bad language - aw Shit,f**k, damn, ah dunno.
• 

  Stealth453

  IMO they are just words, and the kids will grow out of them in their own due time. Much like we did.
• 

  bikerchic

  Imagine my surprise when one of my kids recently used a whole string of those expletives during a bit of a tantrum for not getting their way. Well, I wasn't really surprised - I just didn't expect it to start this soon.

  Anyway, when I attempted to calmly explain my rationale for not using those words in our home, I was told by my teenager in no uncertain terms that my teenager could speak in that manner if they so desired, because they have FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

  So, how does one go about teaching a teenager that Freedom of Speech has limits?

  You maybe could explain to your teen that with FREEDOM comes RESPONSIBILITIES and that as long as you are the one RESPONSIBLE for their well being Mom and Dad get to choose what kind of language is appropriate and acceptable in your house. When your teen is 18 and on their own in their own home they can use their new found FREEDOM to talk however they want. Nuff said.
• 

  Odrade

  They are talking about a legal concept: the constitutional guarantee of free speech. It doesn't apply to minor children, just as contracts, voting and other adult responsibilities do not. However, if I were trying to make the point of not using profanity, I would say that it's a lazy and ineffective way to express yourself. A well-executed speech, essay or rant is of far greater influence when words are chosen carefully and precisely to express an idea, than when a person resorts to cop-out words like F* or sh*!

  But sometimes all you have in your head is an ugly, inarticulate thought. In those instances, nothing quite conveys your own mixed up angry frustration like a few loud curses. Kids are going to swear like sailors. Just teach them how to communicate effectively, and eventually the potty mouth will taper off.
• 

  frankiespeakin

  Explain to them that these words are just words, and the badness of them is purely arbitrary dictated for the most part by cultural backround.

  The intent is really what makes a word bad, like telling someone "to go f**k yourself" can be given with no real ill intent or malice between friends in friendly banter, or it can be said to a policeman who stops you for not wearing a seat belt, which is given with malice and great disrespect, which can lead to more problems than the original possiblity of a small fine. Give them advice to swear wisely, and that it is okay to let off a little steam by letting them come out, or bubble forth every now and then, but try not to hurt anybody with them, but if it is a choice between hitting someone or swearing,, that maybe a few well places swear words might be the better option.

  Also a little work on desensitzing our own feeling about these words might be good. I think a reasonable approach will go a long way, helpinmg them to see the pros and cons while remaining as nonjudgemental would make a big impact, they would probably view you as a super hip mom and they would be more inclind to follow you sage advice.