Is is easier to fade if you are the husband or the wife?

by wings 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  twinflame2

  In my experinece if husband leave no problem there but if wife decides to leave that gives husband god-given opportunity to look for a reason to get out of that marriage and find someone else. So any woman who decides to stop being a witness better be ready to be on her own before you can say a kingdom hall.

  I think women can use the excuse that a now unbelieving mate is a threat to her spirituality and get away with it. I don't think it would work as easily for a man claiming that. As long as the wife wasn't a threat, he would have no grounds to get out of his marriage. When I stopped going, a CO even told my husband that it was my right to put up a XMAS tree in my house if I wanted, attend another church and pretty much lead my life. He told him my religious decision was a separate issue from his wedding vows and did not relieve him of any responsibility in that area. It's ME that sometimes thinks he would be better off with a nice little witness wife to give him the support he misses.
• 

  I.Wonder

  If both were very active, I would say the sudden change or gradual change would be
  easier for a husband to pull off. He's the spiritual head of the family. He can do what
  he wants, spiritually, and not explain it, or he can say he doesn't want to get strengthened
  by more study or whatever. He can say he has doubts and will deal with them.

  A wife is subordinate in the JW's faith. He must "save" her from the evil devil. He must
  do all that is humanly possible for her to get over her doubts. He might insist on
  studying more together, sending the elders over to talk with them both, making her go
  to JW meetings.

  She might have to feign illness to get out of stuff. She might have to leave on pretend
  field service to get out of real field service. He might do those things, but also might
  choose not to lie about them.

  OnTheWayOut you just describe my circumstances. Especially the areas I hightlighted.

  It has been almost impossible for me to fade without stirring up suspicions.
• 

  I.Wonder

  Hey Wings I am in a similar boat as far as the faking is concerned. I pretend to believe that it's the truth just to keep peace and prevent him from thinking I'm "apostate". I have tried fade but as I mentioned in my prevoius post it has been nearly impossible (up til this point anyway). I really feel for you and I hope things work out for you.

  As MariAruet said

  In my experinece if husband leave no problem there but if wife decides to leave that gives husband god-given opportunity to look for a reason to get out of that marriage and find someone else. So any woman who decides to stop being a witness better be ready to be on her own before you can say a kingdom hall.

  You are so absolutely correct!!

  I just am not ready to face that! If I leave the "truth" that may mean my marriage is over and I am just sick about it. He has said more than once that If I left (which is his biggest fear- so he says) he would love me less and wouldn't see any reason to be with me.

  This religion sucks!!

  (edited)
• 

  TD

  My observation follows that of twinflame. If a JW male embraces an "apostate view," his spouse has an automatic ticket out of the marriage if she wants. It's called "Spiritual endangerment" and the JW's consider this grounds for what they call a "Scriptural divorce." (Meaning that she is free to dump him for someone else and still maintain her standing in the congregation.)

  The JW's concept of "Headship" often prevents this from working the other way around. If a JW female embraces an apostate view, it will be perceived by the JW "Elder body" as a failing on her spouse's part. The idea that the male might be "Spiritually endangered" by his wife's influence is largely alien to the misogynistic nature of JW culture.
• 

  jgnat

  (((I.Wonder))). Isn't it funny how tyrants have a way of making their biggest fears come true? The phenomenon reminds me of Elmyra Duff of Loony Tunes fame. She lovesses and squeezes her pets until they manage to get away.

  I appreciate you are doing all you can to survive. My dearest wish is that you also manage to thrive, in spite of your overbearing husband. Do you have some other outlets, an evening class or something?

  http://www.fortunecity.com/westwood/wax/329/elmyra_duff_index.html