by J-ex-W 28 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
You poor thing J-ex-w. Steven sounds like he has an obsession with sex.
Be prepared for some of the victims to have obliterated events from their memory. Someone I know who had all sorts of sexual deviations carried out on her as a child doesn't remember any of it .
But like others have said definitely inform the police too cos its very likely that steven has continued to abuse.
bernadette
Yes, I would sent letters out to everyone. The parents are likely to toss them unread - they're either in denial of his nature or know all about it because it runs in the family. He's pretty extreme, Can't imagine he could just stop or hide it. Definitely talk to police. Anything you can do to prevent more attacks. flipper
MAYBE they will listen. If not, you have tried and that may do wonders forthose girls just knowing someone stood up for them even if it is a long time past. Much love, Decki
Sparkplug------- That's what I'm thinking/ hoping for at the very least. My concern about the girls, right now, is that they may be feeling like things in their lives with the family and/ or other things are settled and comfortableenoughat present to resent the family backlash that most certainly will come from this. 'Sally,' to my knowledge, has never told ANYBODY--and may feel some guilt/ shame as if she were 'participant.' [You know how the 'Truth' emphasizes that if anyone else is around, a potential rape victim is supposed to scream their head off for help--otherwise, they're considered willing participants in fornication, and condemned equally with the rapist/ molester. --Doesn't exactly leave room for the reality that most sexual abuse/ rape victims are so stunned, intimidated, and fearful that such an aggressive defensive response is usually not possible. ...Not to mention the increasing mind control/ threat tactics used by the repeat molester.] Plus, Sally, like I did, saw Samantha callously disregarded when she DID say something. Samantha's story came out in counselling sessions after she had run away at age 15. She was baptized at age 14, disfellowshiped for fornication at 15 and soon discovered pregnant (married the boy at age 16). Baptized because starved for postive attention in the family, I think, after seeing Sally get baptized, etc. Fornication at young age for the same reason, of course. Married him (living with his worldly family) to get out of the house.... I don't think she was pregnant yet when she ran away (and subsequently 'told all' to her therapist)...but I do know she was disfellowshiped already...and being shunned and thoroughly disdained by the young adult siblings outside the home...and treated like crap by the siblings still in the home (including my, at the time, 21-year-old ex)--for being disfellowshiped, on top of the crappy way they would 'normally' treat her (abusive household and all). All felt justified in treating her like crap, extra. Samantha MAY appreciate being backed up in her story...even while resenting me for 'rocking the boat' if she feels like she's in a good place with her parents right now. [Reinstated at 17 and faded soon after...don't know if that was deliberate or not, or what her status has been in years since then. Inactive still, last I knew, but that was years ago.] And still dismissed by the family as a pathological liar. Including about her extensive health problems...some genetic, and some the result of having been hit by a train at about age 20, resulting in 52 broken bones (none of which were the kind that a doctor could 'set'---had to heal on their own....LOTS of arthritic-type problems since then...dismissed as lying/ exxagerating/ attention-getting ploys, of course). The family gathered around her when they expected her to die...then scattered again when it became apparent that this girl would live (of whom her mother had once said, "I don't care what Seth says...I've MARKED the girl!!). [Seth used to counsel Peggy not to be so negatively judgmental about people.] ...How is that for motherly love!! --For those who DON'T know: 'Marked' means mentally marking someone as bad association because they have shown themselves time and again to have 'a bad heart condition'--a.k.a., not following the exact dictates of WTS living. BUT--they DO believe that a wicked one can still be eligible for life in the paradise earth if they DIE BEFORE Armageddon comes. Even I had fallen for this one, believing my non-JW dad's only hope for living forever in paradise was if he died first ...which I used to 'hope' for, in a way, because of this twisted belief--and because I actually did love him. I believed he was so deceived by Satan's wicked system of things that he would never be able to choose to believe the Truth in this system of things...that it would be akindness on Jehovah's part to let him die before Armageddon comes--and then resurrect him into the new system.... Then I would get to greet him and see his smiles and explain to him the Truth, as we JW's were consistently told would be the case with our resurrected loved ones.... I'm sure this is EXACTLY how my kids--and even my ex--viewed me when they came to visit before my major surgery (in case/ maybe-even-in-hopes that I'd DIE...and it would really be all right in the end after all). --I had been publicly reproved and not too long after faded; albeit, not intentionally. My lack of meeting attendance and 'unscriptural' divorce was supposed proof of my wicked heart. [My ex-husband lies, of course, feeding that perception along the way.] The fact that I LIVED through the surgery--and, heaven forbid!!--even accepted a blood transfusion in order to do so--would only be further proof to them of my confirmed WICKEDNESS in Jehovah's eyes...'cause if Jehovah had really approved of me, really wanted to see me in the paradise earth...he would have taken mercy on me, on my poor weak and overcome soul, and kindly let me die.... That would tell them, once and for all, that I didn't need to be MARKED by them--it was okay to love me, and not feel guilty about it (albeit, too late!...but that thought doesn't occur). [Hoo! Boy--that got awfully long-winded, didn't it? I'll try not to keep doing that...it's just that so much of this stuff is so intermingled and compounding and ALL affects the decisions I need to make about how to proceed with this original letter I've asked you all to read. Family/ JW dynamics...what a trip!!!]
Anyone want to take bets that either "Seth Sr" or some other adult member in that family was raping the boys too?Odrade------------ Honestly, my bet is on the boys having been left alone in that regard. That family is so sickly male-dominant that it is the sick, twisted male on female (male privilige) attitude that prevails. My vote is with the perverted farmer neighbor, indoctrinating the oldest son with mysoginistic sexualized ideas (showed him porn regularly, from what I understand)--at the same time that the family is being subjected to extreme parental neglect (in favor of Kingdom interests, mind you) and dragged to meetings that hawk over and over again the idea that a woman is here FOR the man, etc. Not to mention the Bible readings of sexualized content heard from infancy on up (You know--"Train up a boy according to the way for him," etc.) Talk of King Solomon's 1.000 wives, the demons coming down to rape the women, rape being passed over and husbandly OWNERSHIP and wifely SUBMISSION being emphasized...over and over again. Stick that together with the fact the oldest had severe burns over 75% of his body at age 2--was in hospitals many, many times for multiple skin grafts/ surgeries, etc over many years...while his mom kept deliberately popping out MORE babies-- aiming for a full dozen--instead of concentrating on caring for her oldest two or three once these multiple health traumas for her oldest began. OH--AND PIONEERING while her husband was the ONLY ELDER.............. And guess who the mom--dad, too, really by his absence [my ex has said his dad was basically a stranger to him]--often left IN CHARGE of the rest of the young and growing brood...as the little 'man' of the house.... The siblings have consistently that the worst of the abuse from their oldest brother would come when the parents went for their long walks together, leaving this too-young and very angry young boy in charge of discipline. OMG...that took guts to write. Heartwrenching and truthful. I say send copies to ALL involved. Someone will wake up. How old are the girls now?Tatiana----------- Thanks...it did take guts...DOES take guts...how many years late, however..........It's a long process, this business ofhealing. Sally is now about 35/ 36, I believe, and Samantha is 33. (I am 39 and my ex-husband is 40). That's amazing. Send a copy to your local police station and get their opinion on what can be done with or without your ex-in-laws input.Interesting idea, sass_my_frass. I really hadn't thought of doing that, specifically. Good place to start. Definitely contact the local police and furnish all details along with a copy of the letter to his parents.MeneMene--------------- No...I really don't believe he would be. They are all boys. He is into dominance over females, in my opinion. While married to him, even, I was secretlyglad that all our children turned out to be boys...for this very reason...because if we ever did have a daughter, that fear would be with me.... What I DO worry about is any future wife of his or any future granddaughters who might have prolonged exposure to him--living under him, in the same household. It seems, for him, anyway, to be part of an entitlement thing as much as power (as husbandly owner, he felt he had the unlimited 'right'--- And as older brother...well...all JW's are familiar with the Bible account of the half-brother who raped his sister--and how the counsel from the platform always concentrates on how SHE SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED HERSELF/ seen it coming...as opposed to how HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT (and that the family should support her, the victim)--and how the resultant family division seems to be, then, HER FAULT (the victim's), instead of HIS (the perpetrator). And of course...who else is familiar with the wayward wife in the Old Testament who left her husband as an adulteress and was later permitted to be gang-raped, unprotected, until she diedoutside her husband's home. She was trying to return to him, from what I understand...but he was somehow justified in leaving her out there...the gang-rapists were somehow justified in violating/ killing her..... See how neatly the 'entitlement' message fits in here...for someone so twistedly raised? You poor thing J-ex-w. Steven sounds like he has an obsession with sex. bernadette----------- I have sometimes wondered if this might be the case with the older sister, Sally. She seems so pollyannish compared to the other sisters, especially...compared to anyone else in the family.........always tried to be the 'good girl' (read, submissive/ not make waves) and see everything in an unrealistically positve light. I DO believe she remembers it, though.... Just buries/ misdirects the 'shame.' But I DON'T know if either of the other two youger girls were ever touched by him (or old enough to remember, for that matter...so, no way to know what their responses/ experiences would be. The thought just now occurs to me...maybe Sally's clawing Steven's hand stopped the abuse for ALL of them.... I'm most worried about Sally, if/ when I say anything [because it's out of HER control, the news coming out like this, not initiated/ mediated by HER--as in, if she's just plain notready....] --Samantha has already said something on her own...to my knowledge, Sally hasn't. I worry about what this open acknowledgment will do to Sally's psyche, since she is the one who seems most steeply invested in personaldenial...out of all of them............. I wonder, too, if she has a personal 'twist' (attempts to see it in a positive light, remember) in which she tells herself it was something 'special' Steven saw in her--the oldest of the girls--that drew him to her...a 'special bond' illusion [to take the edge off]. She, of all the family, seemed particularly upset about Samantha's accusations when they came out...used to talk to ME about her upset feelings...a couple years later, when she and Samantha got into a heated argument about it. (Sally vehemently denying any possibility of truth to Samantha's story, of course.) I remember Sally telling me she was so mad she was shaking............... This was before Steven had confessed to me about molesting Sally, so I was still unawares in these conversations...though I did wonder why her response seemed so vehement--even compared to the other siblings'. [Just like I had wondered that my husband, in his denials of molesting Samantha said, "I never PENETRATED her," not, "I never TOUCHED her."] Only in Sally's case, not knowing she had been molested by him, too, I thought maybe it was older sister guilt: "Why hadn't I noticed anything? I failed to protect Samantha" sort of thing. But SINCE Steven has told me...I've wondered if it was also that, PLUS a sense of having been 'cheated on,' so to speak, by Steven (as in, she rationalized/ minimized/ even romanitcized by saying it happened because she was somehow 'special' in his eyes...not simply a prime target/ victim to violated---keeping the illusion of LOVE from her older sibling, whom she had to somehow still manage to live with day in and day out. Who knows...maybe he said things to make her believe this (that it was a special thing, 'between them').... That would certainly make someone especially mad, I'm sure, to find out that he had been 'doing' someone else the same way at that time, too....ESPECIALLY if this was her carefully constructed/ maintained defense mechanism at the time...!! If this is the case, it would explain why her need for denial of the wrongness of HIS behavior, in this [the sexual abuse]and in his other abuses, holds particularly strong in HER, among all the siblings. --He DID act as PROTECTOR against the physical and verbal abusiveness of Seth Jr., for the younger siblings. So...he was PROTECTOR A-N-D ABUSER. [Man--!! Producing Stockholm Syndrome to the hilt in his sister and other siblings...never saw it so clearly this way before--even though I knew I saw it that way in me.] Interesting.... Hoo!! Anyway...I'm going on about this because the truth of this dynamic--concerning Sally, especially--could substantially influence the way she reacts to the public revelation...and, subsequently, how the family as a whole reacts. She IS an active J-Dub---along with her second husband and his grown kids---last I knew. This means she is less censored, less dismissed, and less ostracized than her sister, Samantha, has been. [and, I'm sure, still is] Sally's more accepted role/ place in the family makes her receptiveness/ responses to this news MUCH MORE IMPORTANT in the eyes of the rest of the siblings/ family than Samnatha's could ever be. HOW SICK AND TWISTED....................BUT TRUE. All eyes would be on HER to confirm or deny, I can only imagine...even if they all outwardly deny belief i n the 'allegations' in my letter. She may continue to deny...simply feeling this pressure...even while wanting tosay, "Yes, a thousand times, yes--it's ALL TRUE!!!" [And, of course, that leaves me...my story, my words--and even Samantha's--againlopped off, hanging in the air, and batted away like a giant dead cobweb...a sticky, unwanted residue that no one wants to look at too closely and can't be gotten rid of fast enough.... ...and which, of course, is where the intensified backlash of lies about ME would come in...further poisoning my very active JW kids against me........... All of this stuff has been swirling around in my head for Y - E - A - R -S...... This truth has GOT to get out!!! But I have let concern for the other person's welfare/ feelings (Sally's and umpteen-million others) come ahead of concern for ME--for what this is doing to ME, to my welfare--andto mykids, by extension...for so many years. So talking about this stuff still has a selfish feel to it. I don't know if it would helpor could harm Sally (or even my kids, who ARE still living with him, after all)...at least initially. But there is still a big part of me that believes she (and, someday, they--my kids) WILLbe better off having that denial broken through sooner rather than later......broken through....rather than breaking down....................... I worry about what the kids will hear and have to deal with, while still living with their dad...or even after growing up and moving out on their own...... On the other hand, if they ever have daughters...and stay close to Grandpa Steven.... My oldest son is 18. Could happen in just a very years, here.... Do you know that I literally woke up with that thought one morning...that, "What if my granddaughters are molested by Grandpa Steven?" [First of all, I might not even KNOW my granddaughters, the way things are going (shunning and all, even though I'm NOT disfellowshiped or da'd)...and if it DID happen....] "It would be MY FAULT, because I SAID NOTHING.................." I literally bolted awake with that thought one morning, last fall. Concern for my kids' reactions...Sally's reactions...family reactions...congregational reaction...JW judicial reactions--who KNOWS if I would finally wind up BEING disfellowshiped for supposed 'slander' in all of this.... (Not two witnesses to each event, mind you---------protects him, airtight) I was also close to Sally at one point...helped her get over her first husband's adultery and subsequent divorce.... Another one of my causes for concern...guilt...silence...indecision. But now it's too the point where, no matter what, I feel like I HAVE to say something....FOR ME................ Because I deserve to have healing, and the truth brought out, and see justice, too.................. Oh...and BTW...last night, my kids called me. The first time in fivemonths that my oldest has talked to me. And the first time in seven months for my youngest. [My middle son still refused. He talked to briefly since my surgery last fall...only brief snatches, months apart and seemingly under duress, in the last two to three years now--AT ALL.] This happens to me, every time, RIGHT when I am finally getting to the point of feeling like I'm ready talk about these things openly--and about the religion, etc.--because I have NOTHINGLEFT TO LOSE. They come in with 'contact' at just the right moment to knock the wind right out of me (on my determination to move forward)...and giving me just enough false hope to feel like maybe I DO still have something to lose--maybe that thread of connection IS still there, and I don't want to cut it--and so causing me to againCLAM UP....... I finally get courage up just YESTERDAY to post the letter...which I finally got courage and mental/ emotional clarity and strength to commit to PAPER only two weeks ago...and they CALL the SAME DAY that I POST IT. Don't get excited...they needed to know if my youngest has already had chicken pox. [Can you believe my ex can't even answer that question? The kids had it one by one, for two weeks straight--and I was wracked out of my mind with guilt for missing two weeks' straight-worth of meetings at the time. Go figure!) And my oldest wanted to inform me that the former sister-in-law of mine (who had married a sibling in that family)---whom they recently found out I've been in contact with---is an APOSTATE. "We know that you've been in contact with *****, Mom. Not a big deal about that--that you've been in contact" [in other words, I can't be disfellowshiped for it]..."but ***** is an APOSTATE. We thought you should know that." [In other words, now that we know FOR SURE you've been informed, we can watch your actions and determine whether this confirms our need to MARK YOU as bad association and potentially an apostate, too.] ---Not that they haven't been shunning me already...but that, up to now, it's been UNofficial...being marked for apostasy would have to make it OFFICIAL. Right now, it's only their personal choice, not congregational mandate that shun me. ---OHHHHH, and wouldn't this just make my ex-husband LOOK GOOD !!!! ] *puke* I talked to two sons out three, the call lasted all of half an hour, and I don't know when is the next time I will have contact with ANY of them again--including for the grad party their cousin is having, which includes all my non-JW side of the family attending. [Pretty much ALL my side in non-JW.] --I know she's apostate, of course. She's the one who introduced me to this site...which has played a HUGE ROLE in SAVING MY SANITY over the last several months!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yes, I would sent letters out to everyone. The parents are likely to toss them unread - they're either in denial of his nature or know all about it because it runs in the family. He's pretty extreme, Can't imagine he could just stop or hide it. Definitely talk to police. Anything you can do to prevent more attacks. flipperI kind of thought that, too. Still...don't know what ORDER would be best--or all at the same time...and what timing, exactly.... And thanks for your input. Okay all----Sorry it's so incredibly long and rambling...............have GOT to get it OUT and get decisions made/ action taken.......... Anyone patient enough to read all of this and give their input will be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
bttt
Please...need feeback/ ideas...input...especially after anyone reads the incredibly long post directly above. Please, P-l-e-a-s-e !!!!!
I apologize for the length/ rambling nature of these posts, but I think the details need to be well understood in order for feeback to be applicable, etc.... Plus, just saying it felt better--!! But I honestly don't want to leave it hanging here, so REALLY need dialogue about how to proceed from here........................
ALSO, odrade---------
Only one of several reasons I can think of why the parents won't listen.
Would you mind elaborating on this?
Just wanted to say I'm glad your kids are safe but you are correct in thinking about the grandkids and future wife (& any daughters she may have).
Have you discussed this with the police yet? When you go, ask to speak with the person that works with this problem most often. Let them read your letter and give you feedback.
Parents of dysfunctinoal adults can be weird. They prove that de-Nile is not just a river in Egypt. What positive result would you hope from sending the letter? That the parents would finally come around to your point of view and reject their son? Unlikely to happen.
Don't get me wrong, writing this kind of stuff out can be very therapeutic. But family accusation letters usually should not be sent. Read them, carry them around for a while if you need to, then burn them. That way you get the therapeutic benefit without the backlash.
Because sure as shootin', the parents will react BADLY to your reveal-all letter. They might even compound your injury by making up accusations about YOU.
If there's a crime, take it to your local police station. Talk to somebody. Let the receiving officer help you put your thoughts in order. Then go home. I don't think there's much chance of reconcilation or an ongoing relationship with the in-laws.
Parents of dysfunctinoal adults can be weird. They prove that de-Nile is not just a river in Egypt. What positive result would you hope from sending the letter? That the parents would finally come around to your point of view and reject their son? Unlikely to happen.
Don't get me wrong, writing this kind of stuff out can be very therapeutic. But family accusation letters usually should not be sent. Read them, carry them around for a while if you need to, then burn them. That way you get the therapeutic benefit without the backlash.
Because sure as shootin', the parents will react BADLY to your reveal-all letter. They might even compound your injury by making up accusations about YOU.
If there's a crime, take it to your local police station. Talk to somebody. Let the receiving officer help you put your thoughts in order. Then go home. I don't think there's much chance of reconcilation or an ongoing relationship with the in-laws.
******************************************************************************************************************
jgnat
-----------ThereIS NO relationship with the in-laws. I am not in any way seeking a reconciliation.....just seeking for the TRUTH to be put OUT THERE.Plenty of lies are already circulating about me among the family members on that side. [Note: EX-family members on that side...except that they are still the side of the family that holds inflluence over, and physical custody of, my kids--not to mention their mindsets about me, their dad, the 'Truth,' etc.
I DON'T expect the parents to suddenly see the light. But at least, in no longer remaining silent--especially since I WAS witness to all the drama/ rejection/ denial 'Samantha' experienced when speaking out--I can finally stop feeling guilty........for having said NOTHING.....to SUPPORT HER..............when SHE was going through all that backlash...from speaking out.... --Because it was that far back when I first had reason to believe what she was saying was TRUE. And I said nothing.
And I can finally stop worrying that any future abuse by him will be due to my silence.... I'm concerned less about their belief of the facts and more with expunging what feels like my role ofcollusion-- which can only be perpetuated by saying nothing. Samantha deserved to have her--possibly only witness--step forward on her behalf. I didn't. I protected the abuser with my silence instead...which also assisted his subsequent years of abusing me.
This isn't about winning over my former parents-in-law. It's about setting the record straight.... What they want to do with it from there is up to them. But silence, then, rests no longer on MY head.......
Saying nothing...it's not working. I can't do that any longer.
But all of this is talking about how I feel....... I know you have reasons why you believe the parents would be best left unaddressed. I would be interested to know of any real life specifics have led you to this conclusion.
I need to know if anyone has had experience with/ seen this sort of thing play out--incidents, events they can tell me of...because I have no experiences here to draw from. I'd like to hear these kinds of things so I can decide from there, for myself, what 'chances' might or might not be worth it.
jgnat
, don't get me wrong...I really appreciate your feedback. I just need more specifics to work with in making my decisions. I think I am, though, going to follow the different posters' advice about going to police.... I just felt a family warning might be in order before that shocker comes to light. No?
just seeking for the TRUTH to be put OUT THERE.
His parents won't help you, no matter how well you broadcast it. I've told you why. I strongly believe that truth stands on it's own. Maybe spend some more time thinking about who will take this information most seriously, and tell them.
And I can finally stop worrying that any future abuse by him will be due to my silence
Have the two of you gone to the police? What do they say? I also am sending cyber-hugs your way. You were not at fault when you were forced to remain silent. You were in a dependent, helpless situation. No more, no more.
I would be interested to know of any real life specifics have led you to this conclusion.
My in-laws. My mother-in-law still worships her son. To add insult to injury, when my ex introduced my son to drugs, she accused my son of corrupting her boy! Here's a rememberance I just posted today:
My ex-husband heaped all kinds of abuses on me and my infant son before I finally left. My body was a roadmap of bruises. My toddler son had bite marks on his arms and legs. Want to know what the clincher was for me? After a phone call went badly, my husband ripped apart the phone. All I could think of was, "What did the phone ever do to him?"
Your anger pours out from every post. You need an outlet for that anger. All I'm saying, when you broadcast, do it with people who won't hurt you or Samantha...again.
I just felt a family warning might be in order before that shocker comes to light. No?
No, they don't deserve it. You also give them time to come up with excuses for their own bad behavior. If you send out this broadcast before you go to the authorities, don't be surprised if they send out their own notice that you are nutters. Like I say, I don't want to see you exposed to more pain from insensitive people.
because I have no experiences here to draw from.
From some experiences you have already described, two words flow through my head, REPEAT OFFENDER. Your fears may be very real. Your ex needs something more than a spanking from his parents. At this time the police may not be able to do anything except point you in the right direction to get some action/protection for your daughter's. Take it before your fears become a reality. My two cents worth.
Maybe spend some more time thinking about who will take this information most seriously, and tell them.
jgnat-------------Thank you. That's what I'm trying to do with this thread.
Have the two of you gone to the police? What do they say?
That's one of the steps I'm trying to determine right now. Samantha at this point doesn't even know that I believe her allegations, much less that I had that conversation with my ex. Part of me is seriously afraid to approach her on it, even now. And Sally....................a whole 'nother story!!! She did NOT come forward...so any mention of her at this point would be totally out of the blue for everybody!!!
Did you read the extremely long post that I put on this thread, AFTER the letter to the former parents-in-law?
A lot of these details/concerns are included in there.
My mother-in-law still worships her son.
OH, BOY!!! can I relate to this............ It's been said more than once in this family that the mother's attitude is that the girls catch heck for everything, and the boys can do no wrong. It was two sisters-in-law at a shower saying this............................ I was just listening, nodding full agreement, glad I wasn't the only one who thought so!
I fully expect the mother to stay this way. The father.............verdict out....................may at least begin to get a doubt...never know--even if he does resent ME for being the message bearer. He felt obligated to check into it the first time...maybe would do so again (if only nominally)..........but you can be sure that whether it's a more thorough 'investigation' by him this time or a cursory one, EVERYONE in thefamily would hear about it all, if it got to that point. [Then again, maybe he would do nothing...not expecting anything.]
My [ jgnat's ] ex-husband heaped all kinds of abuses on me [ jgnat ] and my [ jgnat's ] infant son before I finally left. My body was a roadmap of bruises. My toddler son had bite marks on his arms and legs. Want to know what the clincher was for me? After a phone call went badly, my husband ripped apart the phone. All I could think of was, "What did the phone ever do to him?"
jgnat, I'mso sorry you went through this........................ ((((((((((((( jgnat ))))))))))))))
I just felt a family warning might be in order before that shocker comes to light. No?No, they don't deserve it. You also give them time to come up with excuses for their own bad behavior.
I've thought of this. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll think on that one some more.
I still don't know if talking to the police first or Samantha first is the way to go.
As it is, I don't even know if the police were ever told in the first place--it was brought out in counseling sessions and told by the counselor to the parents....................I suppose that means there must have been a full investigation by authorities at the time, then, huh--and I just never heard the details (other than that they all dismissed her as lying).
Man...now I feel worse for not saying anything. Is there a statute of limitations for this kind of thing? How likely are the police to take the word of a disgruntled ex-wife? --Of course, I DO have two past OFP's [Orders for Protection] against him that included sexual abuse in the listings. Scratch that---HAD. Dismissed BOTH when trying to be the good J-Dub wife and reconcile each time. But the fact that they existed at ALL CAN be testified to, and speak to his character and history, even if he/ the family would want to try to discredit my testimony on these things now.
My concerns about mentioning anything to do with Sally are detailed in that longer post, too. (Same thread)
But do you think (or does anyone think)--I should talk to Samantha first or the police first? Should I SEE if she's willing to talk to them, after all these years, with me--to bring up the allegations again...or just let the police be the ones to contact her/ anyone else? I haven't had contact with her in Y-E-A-R-S. No idea if she would even talk to me, much less about this.
From some experiences you have already described, two words flow through my head, REPEAT OFFENDER. Your fears may be very real. Your ex needs something more than a spanking from his parents. At this time the police may not be able to do anything except point you in the right direction toget some action/protection for your daughter's. Take it before your fears become a reality. My two cents worth.
DJK---------- My thought too.............REPEAT OFFENDER.................future protection. [Just so you know, I have SONS, not daughters.] I don't worry about them (they're boys).... I worry about future wife or granddaughters. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
I'm concerned about the limitations of police authority at this point, too. But at least the 'paper trail' should be established--an official report filed--so that, at the very least, if anything DOES come to light about him committing future sexual violations, the history is clearly on record, to make THAT [future] case easier to pursue............. Makes sense.
Thanks for responding, all----------. I'm still looking for input/ feedback to help cover as many bases as possible in deciding the proper course here. Thank you..............and please, if you're willing, read the extremely long post that's also on this thread. It explains a lot more.
