Bear with me please. A lot on my mind. Skip to the last couple of red paragraphs if you dont have time to read my ramblings. I have a question or two and need feedback.
I have been off the board for a little bit. went out of town for a week for the company I work for. good to see/visit different places. the nice thing...I missed the meetings for 2 weeks.....ahhhhh...snake is happy...no mindnumbing meetings to go to. I did find a Kingdumb Hall Monday, but it was in a very very bad neighborhood and I was not going there at night. (It was bad enough I had to work in that 'hood during the day) Not that I really wanted to go a meeting.....
I am going to make more of these out of town business trips now that I have freed myself of some other obligations. So I can miss more meetings that way. The company I work for pays for either plane fare and rental car, or they pay for my gas for my car. (I usually like to drive myself, I hate flying). They pay for reasonably nice hotels (La Quinta this last trip). And I am guaranteed my average salary in case I dont make what I usually make back home. (I can only say that my weekly salary varies..but I am not in sales. Since I am helping the company by making these trips to help bail them out of trouble or to open up new areas, they make the salary guarantee to assure it is worth it to me...good thing because this last trip I would have lost my shirt). I get a free vacation if it is a tourist type place. This last trip had some tourist spots, but I did not bother, except to take some pictures of the (major) lake I was near.
Bad thing, when i got back from this last trip, the PO tried to "encourage me" to work my way back to all of the meetings...or as he said "get more involved in the cong" and "the friends really dont know you yet" (hmmmm...ya think maybe that has something to do with the fact that I get there 10 min before {only so I can make sure I get a seat on the back row} and leave immediately after the concluding prayer....hmmmmmm.). Also the PO is trying to encourage me to reach out for MS again (apparently since I was jjust deleted as an elder, I have to "work my way back" through the "Privilege Hoops"....fuggeddaboutit). I will give the PO ( and the other elders in my new congo) credit...they dont try to pressure me directly or make me feel guilty for not being there (no stupid "where have you been?" comments). I think they really care, but I know it is..... just the subtle love bombs the Borgettes are so good at lobbing until they are sure they have you back in the Collective...then FU sucker. However, the PO is a long time friend, and I believe he personally does care. One of the reasons I dont just jump out of the Borg now is because of individuals like him.
I have not been to any book studies since the start of the "(no additional) revelation" book, with the exception of one with my mom when I visited her. Four times! Crap...I dont read anything that many times if I dont absolutely have to. I have so much more time now that I dont have that meeting to worry about. The PO is trying to get me to come to the midweek morning book study with the "older" friends....I used to love those studies but now I am just saddened for those elderly ones who have wasted decades of their life in the Borg. Many I have talked with privately have doubts but where can they go at this point? They lose their whole social circle if they leave the Witnesses now. I really care about and love the older friends in the congregations. They were the ones that were genuine in my opinion. Most dont have "positions" anymore, but want to serve Jehovah. They want to serve for what they perceive are the "right" reasons. I will have to write on a different topic about how I feel the elderly are neglected by the Borg and their minions on the BOE.
I still go to the Sunday meetings, but depending on how bad the WTrash study article is, I slip out during the song and go right to work. I never study for the WT any more (except for Blondie's review when I have time of course)...or any meetings anymore. I used to pride myself in "studying" for all the meetings...now....I just read all of the magazines rags during the WT study so I dont get too bored by the speakers.. and try not to snicker as I read. Other than that, I never read the lit.
I miss more Theocratic School/Service Meetings than I make these days. I guess I had better show up this week so I can get my Kingdom Ministry (The May 2007 KM has the mind boggling questions box on...get this...who introduces the songs for each of the meetings! WTF???!....have they really run out of things to write about? 3/4 page article! And we get to review that during a meeting! OMG,....cant miss that!)
the PO wants me to get back on the school. Why? I dont think I am that great of a speaker, but I gve 60+ public talks as a MS and an elder and was almost always complimented (I always thought..."how hard is it to follow a predetermined outline with predetermined Borg "facts? A monkey could give these outlines). I lost track of all the hours I spent prepping parts for the meetings. Time I could have spent on my education. (more on that in a different thread some time). He also mentioned about me commenting again. I think I commented the first meeting or two there just so people would not think I was D/F. (In fact, some thought I was the speaker..ha ha...sadly, I could have done it....) My point I guess...I dont want to give talks or comment anymore. Just let me be and warm a seat and add to your meeting count.
The Service Meetings now seem sssssoooo pointless to me since they are really nothing more than Sales Meetings. The irony of that is most if not all dubs that I know of never mention the "voluntary donation" arrangement to the householder anymore. And since many (including myself as some may recall from a previous post) are not donating for this crap anymore I wonder where the Borg is getting its money?
I dont bother with FS anymore...not since December 06...I just turn in a few hours and an occasional RV and/or placement. If questioned, I tell them it is informal....just not how informal. (I know how to report it so it does not red flag the secretary...remember I used to be a secretary and always recognized the signs of fake and/or token reports).
Ssssssoooooo...after reading all of those ramblings (or just skipping to this point, I understand), I have a question. What do I do? I am tired of pretending to want to be at meetings. Yet, I dont want to get D/A'd or D/F'd or be marked as bad association. I have close friends who say they will stick by me no matter what, but many who say they love me tell me that they would probably cave to the pressure if something like that happened. I understand that because I would have done the same at one time. And of course, I dont know what my mom would do if I left directly.
What do I do? Any advice from current faders or successful jumpers? And I would really be interested in hearing from those still deep in (ie still elders, etc) or those with family in but you are putting on the front but desparately wanting out.
Thank you my friends for listening.
SnakesInTheTower (of the Lazy Sheep Class)