Marrying a non-witness (page 2)

why???

So are you saying i should break up with him? His legality is not the reason he's with me...he wanted to marry me a year ago before that came up. If i wait another year till i finish i cant stay at my parents house if they know im still seeing him. Your' right about the values and goals etc.but I really dont want to break up with him i want to make it work...

Paralipomenon

Seriously, you will get no better advice than what jgnat wrote.

If he loves you he'll wait.

As to the "other things" mentioned. Have you considered that the WTS preaches a rather narrow view of what married couples can do in the bedroom?

Food for thought.

OnTheWayOut

Welcome to the forum.

People here are concerned for your welfare. You are young and vulnerable. You decided that you
need to look past Jehovah's Witnesses yet you are still worried about what the elders and your parents
will do.

Decide what's important. Can you live free of the WTS influence? Which is better: (1.) Living the lie of
WTS with everybody pretending to be happy or (2.) Living free of the lie with loving parents deciding to
shun you because they still live the lie. ? See, it's a tough choice.

Some people chose to get away clean, others slowly fade from the influence. It is possible to walk
away from WT influence w/o getting disfellowshipped, but it is not always the outcome. If you really think
the guy and you will be happy, and that it's not just (1.) your infatuation with someone who is worldly and
(2.) his legal reasons, then you are certainly free to decide what you want. Many here just think you don't
know these things for sure. Be prepared to be wrong. If the marriage doesn't work out, don't let that be
a sign to you that you should go back to the JW's. Don't mess up your life just to help someone out.
Try to wait until you are sure of what you are doing.

If you think it's more important to keep him here by marrying him, that's your decision. But you are still
a mess. You could be a heavy burden on him. Your burden could be too much for the marriage and
make it worse. So don't let fleeting moments make your decisions. I know I am not much help but I
think you are looking for us to say "Sure, you can work it all out." Odds are against it.

zanex

figure yourself out...FIRST....it will save u from a lot of serious heartache in the future...trust me....depending on your attachemnt to your family or their loylty to the collective it can be freakin hard to be in a relationship with someone who hasnt gone thru it...not saying it cant work just tread carefully...

-Z- (of the figuring it out for myself class)

Madame Quixote

My jw sister eloped with a non-witness before she was baptized; around the same time she dropped out of college. Her hubby eventually capitulated to all the ~~pressure~~ encouragement to convert (after their kids were born) and became a witness. In the interim, they broke up and she went to computer classes; they are back together and happily ~~abuse~~ rear their kids as JWs, too.

why???

I guess you all are right i am a bit of a mess right now...i've been working on myself and figuring things out for myself i think i've come a way so far but know i have a lot left.... by the way my bf wanted me to explain 144,000 concept cause he didnt get it and i tried but didnt do a very good job and i've been researching as they say and im not finding things to show exactly who's chosen and how the society can tell *for sure* how many died and are left...so that i can explain it to him....any ideas?????

Ps. thank you so much for all your advice...i havent really been able to talk and get this out of my system since no one i know would really understand.

jgnat

A little more background, why. I'm the non-JW half of a mixed marriage. I know what kinds of trials you are about to face.

My mom met him once and she thinks he' s an apostate because he was disagree with her comments and saying stuff that he didnt like.

Don't let her say that. Be insulted and angry if she does. Point out that only people who LEAVE THEIR BELIEFS are apostate. He never joined. So the WORST he could be is an OPPOSER.

I'd be worried about rushing in to this marriage to take care of the HORNY problem and the LEGAL problems. Those are not the right reasons to rush in.

I was so sure that jw was right now im not so sure...i really want to find out so i can stop being in limbo like this.

Be sure. Then you will marry sure, and you will save your sweethheart years of agony. What if you decide the Witnesses are right and tell your newly married husband that all your children will be raised JW's and if you lose blood during delivery he has to let you die? Don't do that to him. Know who you are before you commit to anyone.

Also what issues did marrying a non witness bring up besides the ones that they try to scare you with?

They try and scare you with:

- he will draw you away from the "truth".

- you are going against bible counsel, and your own spirituality will be questioned.

- what if you are NOT acceptable to Jehovah on that terrible day?

- You will be "unequally yoked". I personally think personal compatibility is at LEAST as important as religious compatibility.

All of these were used on my future husband. He had many restless nights until he concluded that he was willing to risk eternal life to be with me now. We continue to be treated as "bad association". He is turned down for priveleges at the hall. Sisters still try and convert me (they treat me as an embarrassment, really, a problem to be remedied). You may be passed over for social events like wedding and baby showers.

Are the right or wrong?

Part of your self-determination and growth is for you to figure that out on your own. In your heart of hearts when you KNOW the answer, you are that much closer to being marriage material.

Is it really that hard?

Oh, they'll make it tough on you, no doubt about it. Will your parents ever treat him as a member of the family?

P.S. Who said anything about breaking up with him? I advised, "WAIT". Believe me, a good man will. A poor man will complain of his woody and look for satisfaction elsewhere. It might be a good idea to wait and see which kind of man he is.

why???

Thanks jgnat i appreciate your answers esp since you have some experience in this area...i've been on this site a few times sporatically and i decided to join this morining becacause of what happened to me last night b/w the circuit overseer's talk and my mothers guilt over the talk i guess..she feels she should tell on me...anyway i will def. think about everything you all have said and talk to him about things too.

why :)

why???

oh jgnat i have a quest. Do you still go to meetings with your hubby? Were you ever studying and y'd you stop or start in the first place? for him? I was just curious cuz you seem very knowledgable to me!

OnTheWayOut

my bf wanted me to explain 144,000 concept cause he didnt get it and i tried but didnt do a very good job and i've been researching as they say and im not finding things to show exactly who's chosen and how the society can tell *for sure* how many died and are left...so that i can explain it to him....any ideas?????

The WT explanations are not very clear, because they had thought they would teach that the
gathering of the 144,000 would take place and then the end would come. When they say how
successful they were at gathering and retaining people in their cult, Rutherford had to come up
with "new light" to explain the whole nonsense because there were too many JW's to fit into
144,000 slots (after assuming that most slots were filled in the first century). People bought
the explanation and they kept tweaking it to what we completely don't understand today.
Here's some help:

http://www.macgregorministries.org/jehovahs_witnesses/144000_anointed.html

http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/144-000.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/144,000

How the remnant know they are anointed- http://www.freeminds.org/doctrine/anointed.htm

Marrying a non-witness

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