Open Marriages And Open Relationships—Does It Matter?

by The wanderer 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  The wanderer

  Open Marriages And Open Relationships —Does It Matter?

  Looking back in retrospect to my days as a Jehovah’s Witness I agreed with the Society’s
  mandate of one man for one woman or the Biblical “the two shall become one flesh” per-
  spective.
  
  However, I would like to compare my thoughts to other individuals, perspectives on the
  matter of open relationships because I realize I am “old school” or old-fashioned.

  The Conversation With A Coworker

  I used to work with a “gentleman” who once told me that after so many years of being
  married to the same person the relationship became stale. He mentioned his wife had
  given him “permission” to date outside the marriage.
  
  The thoughts and questions I asked him about this centered on the disease, trust and
  bonding factor. Clearly, it was not that important to him.

  Question: What are your thoughts about open relationships?

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
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  minimus

  Other than worrying about the disease, trust and bonding factor, why not??

  Statistically, I believe it almost never works for a marriage or relationship. Usually people who profess their love for oone another do not want to share.
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  zagor

  I don't know, haven't got a lifetime long marriage behind me to be able to tell. Though I think I would find it hard to share my partner physically with anyone on regular basis and still have a meaningful marriage. What's the point of staying together otherwise? Unless marriage is dissolving already anyway.

  But I don't know, better let people who had experience with it answer I suppose.
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  ex-nj-jw

  I personally would not want to share my mate for any reason. Why get married if you want to still play the field?

  I guess for someone who doesn't mind sharing it's fine.

  nj
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  Blueblades

  Same as Mini's response. 40 years of marriage, don't want to share.

  Blueblades
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  bigdreaux

  open relationships can, and most times do work. you'd be surprised of the amount of people that have open relationships. there is a hustler magazine store here and their motto is "relax, it's just sex" that about sums it up for me. there is a difference between making love, and just bumping uglies. the thing is, you have to have mutual respect, and cannot be jealous. i know this isn't for most people, but, for the ones that it is for, if you have a loving relationship, i don't see the harm in having fun now and then. as long as your mate is #1 in your life.
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  glad2bgone

  In my opinion(for what it is worth) a marriage is really just an agreement, like a contract. 2 become 1, to me, would imply a union in conduct for the purpose of accomplishing a particular goal. example:(having kids and raising them). But the final goal and perspective conduct, is unlimited. Don't know if that makes any sense, just my opinion.
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  Dune

  I think that it becomes a problem when only one of the spouses is really into it and the other one is going with the flow to save a marriage/relationship. I don't think it's fair for someone to ask for an open relationship when they've already establish a stable relationship. Also, in a heterosexual open relationship, it seems that the males are all for it if the door is only 'open' on their side. Unless this is something brought up in the beginning of the relationship, i don't think it's worth it.
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  Sparkplug

  I don't think I like to share my loved ones in that manner. Hell, even meaningful conversation and special moments loose their appeal if they are having them with everyone. Whats the point of having someone special if you are not that special?
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  Crumpet

  I agree with Sparky - it devalues what you do share. I would rather have a shorter relationship and move on to someone new when things got stale than share a partner. However its the greatest act of unselfishness to let your partner have their freedom and not be possessive about them. I'm just not sure I am that generous. Also I'd maybe feel unwanted if my partner was keen to share me on a regular basis.

  I can see where it can be very useful. In terms of long distance relationships - it may not be practical to confine oneself for very long periods. I have mixed feelings, but I don't know anyone who it has genuinely worked for. In fact in some circumstances I have been acquainted with the open relationship thing was merely an excuse to begin a serious relationship with someone else.