marriage

by showmelight 19 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Frequent_Fader_Miles

  the congregation i go to isnt like that.

  Your congregation experience as a "potential" JW changes dramatically when you become a full fledged member. Love bombing encouragement for the most part is no longer necessary. Your level of "enjoyment" isn't going to remain the same, and it would be very unfair to have your fiance deal with something that she wants no part of (especially JWism). My advice to you would be to make a choice between her and being a JW. You can still pull out now. After baptism, such an option ceases to exist. Better to cut your losses now.
• 

  candidlynuts

  welcome to the board

  i'd think real hard about a group of men who are already dictating things about life choices and who are trying to think FOR you.

  if everything else is right about marrying this person then why let anyone butt into your private life and tell you what you can or cannot do?
• 

  choosing life

  The Witnesses may seem nice now. After all, they want you to join.

  I knew a baptized Witness young man who fell in love with a woman at work. (not a witness) He decided to marry her and invited all of his friends. They were Witnesses too as he was raised in the religion. Many of his friends said they would be there at the wedding and were happy for him. So he planned a big wedding with a nice dinner for all his friends. Sounds nice, huh?

  Then later, the elders secretly spread through the congregation that anyone attending the wedding would be disciplined, losing their priveleges in the congreagatin. But no one told this happy young man. The couple decides to get married privately and just have a nice reception for their friends as they were not allowed to be married at the Kingdom Hall.

  The time comes for the reception and the couple are all dressed in their wedding attire and sitting at their special table. They are just beaming. You can tell how much they love each other. People start arriving and all looks well. Then it is past time for the reception to srart and they begin to realize that none of their Witness friends are there. Only their "worldly" family has come, along with the "worldly" friends of the bride.

  The look of shame and disappointment on the groom's face when none of his lifelong friends came to share his joy is etched in my mind. The lovely dinner planned for his friends went to waste.

  Is this the kind of friends that you want to have? THINK SERIOUSLY!
• 

  showmelight

  hey guys thanks for your advice.. im going to bring all thease issues up 2morra in my meeting. ill post as a reply on this topic as to what was said.. i am going to ask about will they hassle me to get my future wife converted etc and all that.. cheers paul
• 

  Honesty

  i understand your points.. the thing is,, the congregation i go to isnt like that.. i know that being a christian is restricting but i gues only for the protection from satan. i do not want to go to the church as i know they do ot follow god hte way he wants them to( as with even some JW,s that have done wrong). can you guarantee that not being a true christian will svae me from armageddon? showmelight

  True Christians aren't a bit worried about Armageddon, my friend. The Watchtower society will NEVER lead you to Jesus, the source of salvation. Cut the Watchtower loose and keep your girlfriend. Go to Jesus and you get real life now and also later:

  John 10:10 I have come that they may have life and have it in abundance.
• 

  Honesty

  i do not want to go to the church as i know they do ot follow god hte way he wants them to

  You have been listening to the voice of strangers who condemn everything that is not JW.

  RUN PAUL RUN
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  im going to bring all these issues up 2morra in my meeting.
  
  ... i am going to ask about will they hassle me to get my future wife converted etc and all that

  You will get a sincere answer, but it won't be totally what happens. Good idea to ask, though.
  They will stick with "Marry only in the lord. Why don't you wait and have some sisters help her?"
  They might mention that tons of "sisters" are available in the religion. Stay focused.

  It's her decision whether she would want to study, sounds like not. Remember to bring up all
  these issues with her, and check those resources of former members and websites before they
  don't allow you to do so.

  You might have a beautiful thing with this girl. Don't dismiss her so quick to join the Witnesses.
  You can do outside research. My suggestion is for you and the lady to do research together.
  She can help you see things from the prospective of someone who has questions.
  Start at
  www.freeminds.org
  http://www.reexamine.org/quotes/
  http://jwfacts.com/index.htm
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_Franz
  http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/groups/j/jehovah/
• 

  carla

  the congregation i go to isnt like that.--- And how would you know that? You aren't even a baptized member yet therefore you are-

  A. Still being loved bombed

  B. Not in the loop with the cong

  C. Know nothing of judicial meetings

  D. Have not done any research or read any of the horror stories from ALL over the world, same stories just differnt countries and people

  You need to seriously research this dangerous and deadly cult and allow the woman you say you love to research all of it. The so called 'apostate' side as well. Do you think she will have much respect for you when she finds you support an org that hides pedophiles? I can tell you from personal experience that is a hard pill to swallow. To think the man you married now supports a group as deadly and dangerous as the wt is sickening.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  showmelight

  I was just getting ready to shut the browser and JWD down for the night since it is late...but I seen your first post and had to reply....

  first of all, welcome to the board.

  second.... you have to live with whatever decision you make. If you love this girl, then you will need to dump the religion. How do I know this? Because until Dec 06 I was an elder in a cong. I also have had additional training from JW headquarters that most elders never get.

  AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE MINUTE YOU GET BAPTIZED THE PRESSURE TO EITHER CONVERT HER TO JW OR DUMP HER FOR A NICE JW GIRL WILL INCREASE EXPONENTIALLY (and yes, I want to shout this at the top of my lungs, but ALL CAPS is all I get here.) especially from the elders....

  As a "Bible Study", (which is what they call you now) you are only getting a little pressure. Once you decide to start preaching door-to-door (and you will be obligated to do it or there are consequences), then you become an "unbaptized publisher"....then the pressure to dump your girl will go up. If you have not dumped her by this point, you may not be allowed to even get baptized (and dedicate your life to Jehovah...as they will tell you)....If you marry her before baptism, maybe they wont stop you from getting baptized, but you wont progress in their hierarchy easily unless she converts to JW. No being a "ministerial servant" or "elder" for you. Even "pioneering" (putting in 50-70 hours a month in the ministry) may not be allowed for you.

  And dont let the elders know you are engaging in oral sex in your marriage....the current policy is "dont ask dont tell". What you do in your bedroom is your business, but if your non JW wife tells one of her friends what a great BL** J*B you she gave you, or how you *** her P**** and it was great and she had an orgasm....and that word gets around to your JW friends...then the elders will suddenly make your sex life their business....telling you that oral sex is practiced only in houses of prostitution and is "loose conduct".... (get realllll familiar with that term in the JW world....it has a wide range of applications and you can find yourself quickly shunned and not understand why...)

  go online and find a copy of the JW elder hand book "Pay Attention To Yourselves and To All the Flock". This is a (not so) secret book only elders have access to. (However, I have seen it on two sites for sale. (It is on ebay for $49.95) I am sure there is a PDF file somewhere on line you can read for free) Make sure you read Units 5(a), 5(b), and 5(c), which is the rules about "judicial committees" (disciplinary hearings) if you screw up according to JW rules.

  so, right now, you are not a JW. So if you marry her NOW, you are not obligated to the "marry only in the lord". However, even secular (read that NON JW) sources will tell you that their is so much potential for conflict when one spouse is of one faith and the other is of another (or no faith at all), especially when those faiths are so different (as JWs are from almost every other religion). There are many resources online (just google the words interfaith marriage religion).

  I personally find myself in an awkward spot. I am considered "spiritually weak" now, so no JW "sister" is going to marry me. And if I pursue a non JW girl (considered "worldly") I will be questioned relentlessly (although they cannot disfellowship a person for this....for reasons to complicated to go into here, they will find another reason to expel such a person).

  Please please please showmelight, I beg you...if you love her ..... follow your heart and not a man made organization...and feel free to PM me or many others on the board....there are others on the board who are in interfaith marriages or are ex-JW with a still JW spouse...ask them for their advice....I am just a single guy.

  With all sincerity.

  SnakesInTheTower (of the fading Sheep Class)
• 

  anewme

  Gee Paul I hope you dont lose her in your efforts to please the elders. It isnt very attractive of you to go to the elders for permission or not to marry the woman you love.
  
  Should a religion be the cause of so much marital discord?
  
  When did you ever hear of a Christian Church causing so much trouble between marriage partners?
  Its because the JWs are a Christian Cult! The church will demand much of you and your marriage partner and put great burdens on your time, your weeknights and weekends and summer time vacations. It will be a third person in your marriage and it will try to drive a wedge between you and your wife.
  It will also put mental and emotional burdens on you that will eat away at your marriage. Marital happiness will be hard anyway in the cult let alone marrying someone not a witness who does not attend the five meetings a week with you.
  
  You must make a choice: choose the elders and quit seeing your fiance and get baptized and serve Jehovah
  or go ahead and get married and after a while resume your studies and get baptized later.
  Or get married and live happily ever after and forget the Armageddon Bogie man story they have been scaring people like you with for a hundred years!
  
  
  Sorry you are going through this muck,
  
  Id be really interested in hearing what your fiance thinks of all this! How patient is she?
  
  Anewme