Alone, But Not Lonely....

by compound complex 59 Replies latest jw friends

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  compound complex

  Gringa:

  Thanks for your thoughts; yes, striking up a conversation needn't be that troublesome. And now there's no pressure to bring them into the Org!
  As long as you keep Otis' words in mind, you should fare all right. Happy trails as you wander about. See you in a fortnight!

  Wednesday:

  Things surely have changed. Many of us would have been lost without a briefly extended hand of help, or in some instances, both hands of another supporting us. But, sooner or later, we are on our own. We have to accept that reality and, as you said, become comfortable in our own skin. Many thanks to you.

  CoCo
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  Gringa

  Coco -

  Amazing what we have all gone though and how similar we are, although different, too, in our journey out of the borg. Especially those that have similar experiences like being born in, those that are trying to get out with spouses still in, etc.

  Since I left at an early age and have had a lot of years out of the holds of the cult, my journey has not included thoughts of the JWs for years ( except for rare conversations with relatives) until I came to this site. I am often shocked at how similar people are here to me. All those traits that I thought were personality were not inherited as I thought, they are there because of my experiences.

  I, too, am only on this earth for my children and my first grandchild who will be born in Feb +/-. And truthfully, I wonder at times if that is even reason enough to stay around, I thought I was going to die in 1975. I didn't, and all these years later, I have no reason to be here, except for them. I am done here on this earth, and I blame the JWs for that. I didn't really understand why I was like this, until I started reading here and looking at my life. The JWs took away my trust of all religions, I am agnostic now and see little or no reason to think there is a supreme ruler. It all seems so ridiculous to me, now. They lied and took away from me something that might have made my life meaningful.

  Funny, when I reread this, I sound suicidal - I am not. But, I could care less if I live or die. Weird. I guess. Maybe not, from what I am reading here on this thread, I am not alone. Until this thread, I thought I was a lone bird on this earth.

  When I have posted here little things about growing up in the borg, I have only touched the surface. I have so many stories, all overlapping and so utterly disfunctional. So much woven like a tapastry, I hope I never come across as inconsistant or unreal. It is all real, it is all mixed up and such a torrid tale of evil, pain and fear and then the years beyond. I feel I have lived more than a lifetime, time is going so fricking slow on this earth at times it feels as if it is standing still.

  I fake happiness everyday of my life. It really does work.I have had an amazing life. I am tired. I think growing up in the borg, going door to door (when did they change it to "field service" anyway?) and to all those meetings, trying to please Jehovah and everyone and the terrible childhood as an outcast/isolation, having no friends, then later, fighting with and hiding from my witness family and trying so hard to raise my children totally different than I was raised, just wore me out.... my friends I have now can't believe I am as old as I am, they all say I act and look much younger, but, truthfully, I am just plain tired.
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  compound complex

  Dear Gringa,

  In the brief time that you've been on JWD, you've apparently learned a great deal about your fellow JWs and how they became exJWs. No, you are not alone. You are not isolated. I've learned that, as they say, it's all in my head. It's a state of mind. Since I started this thread - ironically on the date of my last birthday - I've come so far. Personal evolution and, perhaps, a bit of revolution thrown in. I accidentally went over my new thread limit this morning so figured I'd resurrect "Alone, But Not Lonely...." I'm glad that I did.

  Many have already declared their loneliness in a crowd, even if that crowd might consist of friends and family. When I'm with my JWs I feel so disconnected. My subterfuge - some might call it deceit - is my wish to be with them because I love them. Perhaps I can plant seeds of critical thinking. So different from our former purpose and method. I have no problem with the JW talk and walk. Yet I am a world apart. I've learned to accept it coolly and logically. I am Vulcan ... LOL! I still get emotional, but I am definitely more in control than formerly.

  I hope this helps a wee bit. My faith in the WT is totally gone. My new look at Bible authenticity is shivering me timbers. I'm waiting for God ...

  Stay in touch,

  CoCo
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  White Dove

  I'm the type that needs people around me all of the time. I don't need to converse with them, just have them there while I do my own thing. For every day full of people and activities, I need about two hours by myself. Not much time alone needed at all. If I get lonely, I'll go to the mall or visit a friend. I deal.
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  compound complex

  Greetings, White Dove:

  We're all different regarding the extent of human contact we need. I understand the "just being around people" aspect. Some people, when housebound, turn on the television for "company." Some of us require that impersonal interaction. Others prefer the silence. I'm glad that you're dealing with what you've got. Things can change tomorrow.

  And it's not always for the worst!

  Thanks much,
  
  CoCo
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  compound complex

  Greetings Friends,
  
  Getting older has its benefits. I just don't take things so hard any more. I used to be so needy, depending on others to make up for what I lacked. Now that I've been alone for so many years, I realize that I can be alone - always a scary thing in the past - and not be lonely. I have contact with friends, family and clients most days, but some days I am home and actually talk to no one. Not even on the telephone.
  
  I'm finally doing all right being alone. I've got so much to do that can only be done when I am by myself.

  So, then - how are you doing if you're alone, or just feeling lonely?

  CoCo Le Curieux?

  Hi again,

  I wrote the above some 15 months ago. Nothing's changed but for the better. No backsliding ...

  And you?

  CoCo Toujours Curieux
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  compound complex

  bttt
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  choosing life

  Being lonely is a state of mind, but being alone is just life sometimes. It is my state of mind that causes me to feel lonely. Sometimes life deals you a very difficult hand.

  I like and definately need alone time. It is when that time is uncomfortable, that lonliness creeps in. Everytime I turn around, I run into a wall. After a while, I just sit quietly and avoid the walls. Some things you cannot escape.
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  compound complex

  I run into a wall. After a while, I just sit quietly and avoid the walls. Some things you cannot escape.

  ****************
  
  Thank you, choosing life.

  What I contemplate now - my losses as a faded JW - are those very walls at which I now stare.

  No escape ...

  I sit quietly....

  CoCo
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  compound complex

  Have you, dear reader, come a long way?

  CC