What injustice and abuse of power did you suffer at hand of elders?

by flipper 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  Wow, that's a big question. They had a feild day with me for a long time. I guess when I was young teen aside from the things most people miss, they made me go out on service when I was about 13 and told me to take the other kids to show them how to do it. They didn't train me and I didn't like doing it either. That was when I knew I first hated that activity and would never do it again, and I didn't. You could have got me to do anything in those days if you were nice to me.I was already enrolled in the theocratic ministry school from about the age of ten and was already winning public speaking in my school every consecutive year since gr. 1. I don't know if they knew this, but I feel like they personallly wanted to bust my balls and make me conform to a subserviant mentality. I always aced my talks but the PO hated me and always gave me w's. He never advanced anyone in my family beyond a #5 tlk for more than 20 years.

  Whe he first came to our hall I remember that he had a reputation that preceded him. He was a very harsh man with his family as well. He set the tone for the cong. This man sanctioned my life into non existance. No concerts, No gr. 12 graduatuon party and no dates.

  Whe it came to my disfellowshipping it was a total kangaroo court and they refused to tell me who my accusers were. It was my dad who dragged me to face them. I was actually in the middle of a diappearing act. I had no intentions of taking there abuse at all with all of the shunnning and humiliation from the rest of my freinds.

  In years to come as a result, they cut me out of my two older brothers weddings over a ten year period. I have missed many weddings and funerals and family occasions because of that. I became a terrrible black sheep.I became rebellious and lost. It took me down a whole different path in life. There was always gossip behing my back.

  I tried going back at one point, after a few years, and they say me at the back of the hall, and even wouldn't let the younger kids near me. They humiliated me and my family. They wouldn't let me go anywhere. It felt to me like house arrest and after 8 months of putting my life on hold. I left and swore I would never go back no matter what. I was on a much deeper level still a beleiver in many ways.

  The most amazing thing happened. Both the PO and his wife died within two days of each other. My brother went to visit them in the the hospice. She was the second one to go. She was talking with my brother about me and confessed on her deathbed that her husband was a dead from the neck down as she put it and did not want me ever to smile. It blew us all away. My father went to see him and was holding his hand. I found that very telling!
• 

  flipper

  Sexyk, I totally second that opinion, thanks! Alligator Wisdom, of course you know the elders had to time their shepherding call on you just before the co's visit to make an appearance of caring. As if they do it all the time. Yeah, right. As you know everything is about appearance of doing right, not actually doing right to the congregation. They don't want their balls busted by an agressive co who might just make them follow the governing bodies direction. Tyrone, so sorry to hear you've suffered so much from these bastards as well. I'm with ya bro. Sounds like that p.o. had a strong case of the personal opinion-itis going. No freaking graduation party?? Jeez, my son and two daughters had those, and I wasn't even invited at the time because I too was disfellowshipped then. Now I'm a fader of four years, evading the Nazi elders. I know about the kangaroo courts, myself and my son had six elders mesmerized at an appeal meeting, quoting to them from their own elder book on their unjust ways and why they were wrong to accuse me on superficial evidence. What a trip. They seemed at a loss for words. So the p.o.s wife opened up about her husband ? Weird!! As the old expression goes, when death is facing us, there are no atheists in the foxholes,eh? Much peace to you too Tyrone. Flipper.
• 

  jaguarbass

  When I had a musical band with some brothers, the elders tried to break us up.

  But we broke ourselves up before they could do it.
• 

  brinjen

  Like Tyrone, I too had a hard ass elder in my congregation. He was promoted when I was 12, within a week he had me dragged in the back room of the KH as his wife had seen a boy in the school yard discretely hand me a piece of bubble gum, thought we were holding hands so I was accused of being on the pill and having sex with him. The following year I wagged school with the same boy so of course, I had to be on the pill and having sex with him. He also kept me back in the TMS with plenty of W's, or he'd make me go back to ones I'd done before so many friggin' times.... He told my mum I was an 'immoral girl' who was going to be destroyed at armaegeddon, that was the worst, to see the look of devastation in her face.

  They have a real knack for making you feel so very, very small while they are so very, very smug righteous.
• 

  inbyathread

  I stayed out of the limelight until my children were attacked by the elders. On one particular occasion my son was counseled on the style of clothes that he was wearing. Nothing unscriptural but "it might stumble someone".

  Instead of standing with the elders and forcing my son to change clothes, I stood with my son and told the elders that it was none of their business. They then changed their story and said that "someone had complained" Of course they wouldn't say who it was. We ended the conversation until later.

  Being scriptural myself I decided to apply the principle found in Matthew chapter 5 and search out who the person was whom my son injured. After several inquiries and finding none the elders again stopped me and told me that I wasn't allowed to search for the injuried party. I then told the elders that if I can't go to that person as Matthew Chapter 5 requires then that person should come to me per Chapter 18 and again the elders should stay out of it.

  The wife and I were also told that we as parents we weren't using biblical (elder) methods in disciplining our children. Damn right! I'll use what works to the PROPER degree and not the burn and scorch method that they use.

  Blood pressure is building up. Got to stop but these are a couple of the small things.
• 

  Pistoff

  Hmm, let's see:
  
  One of my children went through a tough time, suicide attempt included, over fear of being df'd. He had done nothing to merit it.
  After he got counseling, he got involved in things that would get him df'd. I asked the elder in charge of the JC to wait ONE WEEK so that he could get to a counselor. He said NO. I asked him again. He said NO.
  I asked him to call New York for an answer. He sighed and said he would.
  He got back to me within 24 hours to tell me that the service desk said:
  "Any counselor worth his salt would see your son 24/7, so the DF'ing goes ahead for Thursday night."
  
  I said, well, OK.
  
  After a few months, this answer bothered me greatly.
  
  I called the service desk myself; they said:
  
  "HE DID NOT CALL".
  
  I said you must be mistaken; is he not in your records?
  
  NO.
  
  The person on the desk that day was angry with me for not getting it; this elder did NOT call who he said he did.
  I eventually deduced that he called his close friend, the CO, who had moved on by now. The statement about "worth his salt" is definitely something he would say.
  
  I confronted the elder over this; he would not speak to me about it without someone else present, and before I could talk to other elders about it he had already warned them off, saying I was "obsessed" about the issue.
  
  Well, yes, I guess I would be a little obsessed over an issue that my son had a hard time with. And being lied to outright by an elder about a gut issue.
  
  He has been brought up by at least 2 other people on lying issues, never removed. He is very well connected.
• 

  Gregor

  In the time between resigning as an elder and forcing them to DF me, the 20 yr old nephew of an 'annointed' super fine E. befriended my two girls, 12 and 14. He would take them to JW kids get togethers, like roller skating parties after the Sunday meeting, picnics etc. They both thought he was the coolest. While all this was going on, I found out later, that Superfine elder A and another elder, B, never told me that nephew had been told to stay away from elder B's 13 yr old daughter just before he started to focus on my girls. He had been harassing Bs family with late night hang up calls, spray paint graffitti on their driveway and other creepy stuff. One evening our 3 yr old daughter got into her 12 yr sisters purse looking for chewing gum and for some reason she took a folded note out and gave it to her mother. It was a semi pornographic love note from the creep that discussed how she could climb out a window some night and meet him.

  These elders knew he was spending time alone with our daughters and that he was not to be trusted but they never warned us. In fact, when we accidently discovered what was going on, (just in the nick of time by the way) I blew the whistle and told them I was going to the police. Uncle Elder A rounded up the elders to meet with ME to discourage my going to the authorities, Matt 18 blah blah. I went anyway and the creepy nephew ended up as a registered sex offender. We also experienced harassing late night calls and a couple of other suspicious incidents. It was only later I found out that at least two elders knew this punk was a weirdo and kept it secret.
• 

  flipper

  Thanks for all your answers and experiences. Keep 'em comin'. Jaguar Bass, did those elders want you to break up your band because you wouldn't play kingdumb songs? Just a joke. Brinjen, that pervy elder who accused you of being immoral with the gum chewing boy, probably accused you based on what he would do in your situation. Imputing wrong motives is an expertise of the elders. It's shoot first with accusations, ask questions later, guilty until proven innocent, all that rot. Their abuse of power is ridiculous. Too bad publishers can't give the elders a "work on this" cousel slip for them if their talks suck or they make bad decisions, just hand them the slip at the end of each meeting, it would be so much easier to have our say. They are mean and demeaning. So sorry they said that to your mom Brinjen,your mom loved you deeply,no matter what these jerks said. Remember that. In by a Thread, It's so typical that the elders want things to be secretly handled and make you wonder who was ratting out your son. I had a similar experience when after my drug abusing ex wife left me in early 2004, two months after I was having coffee with a female friend, and someone ratted me out, before I knew it I was in a full blown jc meeting being accused of immorality, because of not being scripturally free even though the wife left me . I'm glad you and your wife stood up to the bastard elders. They commonly overstep boundaries when personal tastes in clothing come into play. Maybe we should question why they wear certain old fashioned suits or ties when they give talks. It's offensive some of the styles they choose. Pistoff, it's common that elders have no psychology training and so shoot opinions off their hip like they know what they're talking about. This elder had no right to say this about your suicidal son. Your son needed time to find the right counselor.The elder just wanted to hurry up and df your son so they could move on to the next jc case. And you can be sure others have been lied to by elders. They'd rather be faithful to the governing body and lie about things to save their position. Everything is about saving face and their positions. And Gregor, I'm so sorry you had to put up with a pervert chasing your daughters. I have two daughters, 20 and 18, so I am protective too. But it's so true that elders will protect their own children from dangers first, but forget the congregations kids. As you stated, they wanted to hide this jerk-off nephew from the authorities and handle it "in house" with their own inept elders. Sounds like same story, different day. Just like what they are doing with the current child molestation coverups. They don't want word to get out to the rank and file members. Remember it's the appearance of being "good" that's important, not the actually doing good to others. I applaud you Gregor for having the courage to do the right thing and go to the police about this nephew. You get father of the century awards for that. Peace all Flipper.
• 

  Crooked Lumpy Vessel

  I remember my younger sister was wearing a t-shirt and she was delivering a box of baby clothes to the elder's wife. She rang the doorbell and Mr. Elder answers the door and says, 'leave the package on the stoop.' As she bends down he looks down her shirt. The next day he pulls her in the back room and counsels her about her cleavage when she bent over and how she needed to be more diligent on her dress and how greatly it ofended him.

  What bothered me most about this incident was that we had a sister in the congregation who weighed in at about 400 pounds and a cleavage the size of my butt crack. But my sister who is young, thin, pretty and only a 32 B gets counseled.

  I told her that I would have told Mr. Elder he shouldnt have been looking down her shirt in the first place. And why the double standard with fat ugly people vs. young pretty people?
• 

  flipper

  Crooked, I had a friend of mine in the early 80's who said an elder pulled him aside and told him his wifes cleavage was showing too much. And my friend told the elder , why are you looking at my wifes cleavage? You shouldn't be looking at it!! Elders typically project onto others what they themselves would do with that person. And your question about why the elder picked on your sister, not the 400 pound sister? Because he wanted your sister , not the 400 pound sister. He wasn't into heavier sisters. Mr. Flipper