Thanks for the update OTWO. To some it may not look like much of an update, but it really is helpful to those of us in similar situations to hear some of the mundane little day-to-day interactions.
All the best,
Open Mind
Fader's update on the wife.
by OnTheWayOut 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Quandry
Glad you are keeping your sense of humor and are being patient with the wife. Just keep giving her alot of attention like you are doing and be yourself. Obviously you enjoy one another's company. That is the important thing, and probably why she is missing meetings. She so wants to be with you.
Glad you are still here and did not fade to nothing.....
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greendawn
Things seem to be going well for you since you don't seem to have a fanatical JW wife but one that is reasonably flexible. She seems to accept well your move away from the devious cult. Other ex dubs weren't so lucky and had major problems after quitting.
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OnTheWayOut
helpful to those of us in similar situations to hear some of the mundane little day-to-day interactions
I just want faders to know that it can be done. Even if it seems impossible, it can be done.
My fade was fast, but I hope to encourage all faders. We are the red-headed stepchildren of
our JW families. We need encouragement. -
Good Girl or Bad Girl?
I think the update is a positive one, OnTheWayOut, if you are interested in my opinion. I think it seems quite a step in the right direction. I know of people personally and on JWD who are receiving lots of manipulation and guilt-tripping on the part of their JW spouses to go to the meetings and to be there with them. It sounds like your marriage is healthy as one that is "unevenly yoked" can be and that your wife really loves you, since she can sort of see around the WT blinders to how she should behave towards her husband, with respect to your feelings and beliefs.
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OnTheWayOut
It sounds like your marriage is healthy as one that is "unevenly yoked" can be and that your wife really loves you,
since she can sort of see around the WT blinders to how she should behave towards her husband, with respect
to your feelings and beliefs.That reminds me of more. I only assume she hasn't talked to her mother about my inactive status.
I could be very wrong, but she hasn't mentioned it, so I act as if her mother knows nothing.I told the wife, if we go to visit her mother (several hours drive away, don't go too often) I would not
make any issue of it, and I would go to the Sunday meeting at the Hall with them.She said that she wasn't going to make me do what I didn't want to do. (Means she probably spoke
to Mom about it). Still, that will cause her mother to ask what's up when I don't go, so that's a good
thing. -
38 Years
Your update is so encouraging! Your wife is starting to think and speak outside the cult, so that's really hopeful.
I am trying to get my sister out. She is really bad about meeting attendance and never goes out in field service. She agrees on some doctrines and fully disagrees with others. We started fading at the same time, not on purpose, just out of discouragement. We are very close, best friends. When I first quit, I was so excited, I wanted to tell her everything about Brooklyn and how great it was to be free. She got defensive, so we agreed to disagree. In my opinion, she is practically not a witness anymore but she would never admit it. It would be great if she would quit and get the black cloud over her life to go away. I know it's the guilt and brainwashing that has her under control. I still listen to her complain about Brooklyn and the congregations, but I don't say a word. I just keep telling her she's right, and I stop myself from saying anything more. Right now, this is the best strategy I can think of. If you have any advice, please let me know. Thanks!
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eclipse
I just want faders to know that it can be done. Even if it seems impossible, it can be done.
My fade was fast, but I hope to encourage all faders. We are the red-headed stepchildren of
our JW families. We need encouragement.OTWO, You are doing awesome! Your wife clearly loves you and wants to be with you....she will be out sooner than you know it!
I just keep telling her she's right, and I stop myself from saying anything more. Right now, this is the best strategy I can think of. If you have any advice, please let me know. Thanks!
38years, I would say this: Keep telling her she's right, and you could also add: ''Your gut instincts are telling you something. Trust your gut, it's always right.''
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lrkr
If possible, help your wife to establish social ties outside the org. I know that our social ties outside have not only helped, but quickened our fade. As you know, one of the strongest control points that the organization has is social interaction.
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lrkr
If possible, help your wife to establish social ties outside the org. I know that our social ties outside have not only helped, but quickened our fade. As you know, one of the strongest control points that the organization has is social interaction.