Out of the Family... (page 3)

Marcel

hey saywhat29!

im not gay, so its hard for me to relate completely. but your post is heartbreaking... i feel for you buddy. even if the JW may be right this behaviour is so incredibly wrong. sadly the average JWs use the bible to justify their hateful behaviour.

about that suicide thing. i can feel for you again. i was a perfect dub and all my family and friends are dubs. my doubts nearly killed me. all that doubt, that fear of armageddon, fear of losing all my friends, being lonely and even not fitting into that world outside (even though i dont believe dubs doctrines im still much of a dub in behaviour) is painful. my wife hated me because of my thoughts. even my wife, the person who said she loves me forever gave me any comfort when i needed it most. so lonely, incredibly lonely. screaming with all heart in search for relief. on one or two occasions i felt like becoming literally crazy because i wasnt able to bear it. thinking of being dead as a perfect solution but just fear it too much. in some occasion someone would have just needed to hand me a 9mm and i would not hesitate.
the fact that i could not speak with ANYONE about my feelings was so incredible hard for me... there are no words for that.

but you know what? it goes away. it comes again for sometime but if you fight against it it will be better. and sometime you'll be healed. and if not try a psychologist. they are trained for that. they CAN help.

but one need to want it. want to get over it.

you'll manage, man, im sure.

Mum

Hi, saywhat. Glad you're here.

My cousin, the only other JW member of my family at the time, was disfellowshipped for homosexuality. He actually moved out west from Tennessee and found a fulfilling and happy life. I don't know how old you are, but please remember that you have a future, a good one, with supportive and caring people who accept you as you are.

Your mother sounds really scared. Don't take what she says personally (easier said than done, I know). Her world is spinning too fast and she feels like the bottom is falling out. She has invested herself and her life in a very fragile belief system which can't hold up under many of life's realities and challenges. She sounds co-dependent and very needy, with you as the person who is the focus of all this. Maybe you could reassure her that you are not trying to hurt anybody, that you're having "growing pains" and need to step back and sort things out.

Please don't worry about what the elders tell you either. Try to remain calm and retain your dignity. Tell them that you are not set on doing any harm intentionally.

Please keep in touch. All is not lost. You are going to be fine if you don't listen to the nonsense. Seek support from the ex JW gay group as suggested by another poster. We are here for you, too.

Hugs,

SandraC

davegod

Seek out some more support. There has to be some kind of help for gay's, they may not be jw's but they would know exactly how you feel. The more people you talk to about this, the better off you will be. Both now and for the future. You have to live with you forever. Love yourself.

I think you would be much better off getting out of there. If that is truly not an option, what junction said may help. Her almost equal hatred of apostate's could act as an neutralizer. As well as providing her something else to focus on, hope if you will.

VanillaMocha73

Please hang in there. Anything can happen in the future.

My stepson is gay. As a JW stepmom, I know that I totally condemned him. After all, that was the JW view of life, right? I am now free of that mindset and I would love to let him know that he is welcome as part of my family anytime. He has to hide what he is with his JW father. While I still personally would rather he was not gay, I have learned the God loves unconditionally and this is what I should do as well.

There is hope.

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

Hey, I'm so glad you are here, though I'm so sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here. I haven't read the other responses yet, but I wanted to say we all know on some levels what you are going through, and there are some on this board who know EXACTLY what you are going through.

It hurts so much more than words can describe the things our families say to us, things they think are OK to say with all their judgmentalism and WT blinders. But we have to fight back. We have to survive and know that in time the pain will ease up. I still cry myself to sleep at night a lot, and my life is good. I moved 2000 miles away from my JW family and I am in a very happy and committed relationship. I've just scored a really great job. I am making friends and adjusting to my new circumstances. I just miss my mom and dad, sister and her kids, soooooooooooo much. But WE HAVE TO FIGHT. We have to live our lives, and pursue our happiness. Each of us doing that little bit adds up to proving the WTS wrong, one person at a time.

I am happy for you that you are being true to yourself. I know it doesn't feel like a happy time for you, but you will be glad you were honest with yourself. It is YOUR LIFE and no one else's. Live it for YOU and no one else.

Good luck, and AGAIN WELCOME. I'm glad you are here.

LeslieV

I don't know if this would help, but please know there are alot of support out there for you.

www.tg2tg.org/resources/us/maryland.htm

We are all here to support you in any way that we can.

Leslie

edited to add: this is a transgender support group area, but if you call they will know what support groups are in your area for your need.

Hortensia

well, it's obvious that to keep yourself from going crazy by repressing who you really are, you need to leave. I don't know how old you are or what kind of education you have, but you ought to stay put for a bit, even if it means enduring the homophobia. Get an education, something that will help you find a livelihood, and then get out. Move to a large city that is more accepting of gays, such as San Diego or San Francisco, or Palm Springs - many of my customers are gay and their lives are much more pleasant in a strong gay community. Whatever you do, don't succumb to the temptation to just leave and live on the streets - that is very dangerous and won't really help.

saywhat29

Thanks everybody.

The suicidal feelings are starting to pass, its just that this morning I didn't know what I was doing- like my driving all day was just sluggish and uncontrollable- like I was just tempting myself you know? People rarely think of accidents as suicide, or at least in my mind they don't or you don't hear about it much. I was just out of it. My heads just all over right now, but hearing all of your comments are making me feel better.

I really am gonna seek out some support, for real this time instead of just waiting to gather the courage to tell my friends and expect them to be my support when they'll have to go through something just as similar as my family is. And I'm glad I'm not alone, sometimes its so easy to get into that mindset, like this is personal and its just me when a lot of us have been there in one way or another. Whether its dealing with their sexuality, shunning, depression, and/or suicidal thoughts.

I remember years ago, comments that were made about 'postates. It was somethign to the effect of, "If you leave Jehovah's organization, then why must you go online in order to 'gnash your teeth' together? If you weren't happy then be happy now and move on- thats how you know they are being used by Satan!!!one111" And I used to agree, I would wonder, why all these people online were gathered to bash witnesses who, still even after my feelings and experiences, are not bad people. It didn't make sense to me.

Then I realize we all had/have to go through this death or loss of something that others can't related to exactly unless they've been a witness. Like how many baptist or Catholics do you know who after renouncing their faith just lose their families? Shitted upon yes, but LOSE them. Feel worthless or lost or cast aside... And I finally get why people are here all the time- to manage those feelings of pain and anger and loss when most people do not understand the Jw/Ex JW experience. Just wanted to share that because it was a slow process in understanding that. before i would just come and join in on the JW bashing at times 'cause I just needed to vent, but now I see why folks knkow folks on this board the way they do and how helpful everyone is because we all 'get' it in some way.

Marcel

@saywhat
about your last paragraph:
yes i couldnt understand that either until i was in the very same situation. humans need ppl to talk to when they're in trouble or they die, at least emotionally. if theres noone you can talk to without being seen of minor value and in need of reprehension and without any chance of real love and free dicussion (plus shunning if you dont repel) it just makes you feel lonely. and since we are a very social breed it hurts us much. too bad christian religions try to exploit that.

LisaRose

((Hug)). As a mom and former JW I can *sort of* understand your mom's pain. But you know you are what you are. If she wanted you to have brown eyes and they were instead blue, all her nagging and guilt trips wouldn't make bit of difference, you can't make youself be hetero anymore than you can change the color of your eyes. Hopefully she'll come to terms with it all, but if not, you'll be OK. Even tho you know it's not the truth, the JW Brainwashing is still operating (Being gay is a choice!!! Gays are all promiscious!! What crap!!!) and making you conflicted. It will fade in time. Hang in there sweetie.

Out of the Family...

Share this