by saywhat29 34 Replies latest jw experiences
I'm soo sorry about you mom's reaction. Hopefully, she'll come to terms with who you are and adjust her thinking. A mother's love should be unconditional, of course a JW mom is a whole other species . Hopefully, she'll come around. If not, know this: you are who you are, make no apologies and live your life with honesty and intergrity.
Enjoy the freedom of being true to yourself. I wish you all the best in life.
changeling
Don't even think about ending your life because someone you love disapproves of your choices. That would be a real sin. Keep reading what all these independant thinkers have to say. That's what has kept me sane the last few weeks. Surround yourself with people who care. None of us get to choose our families. Live long and prosper.My heart goes out to you.
Your mom is poison, plain and simple, and you aren't going to change that. How much longer do you plan/have to live with that? It's time to move out and make the life you want for yourself. It doesn't sound like she will miss you when your gone. Try working two jobs just to stay away from her more. Outside the KH and your moms front door is a big world waiting and calling for you. Go for it.
Yeah, my gay friend happened to luck upon JW family who seem to be the type willing to let it wash over, and not talk about it. One brother is a wannabe elder and he seems to want to report it to the elders for points, but none of the others are willing to talk about it and be the 'second witness', so my friend might be left alone. Not that, though, it makes much difference; my friend has had no contact from their family for years anyway. They're just all too different and don't like each other much.
My mum was the biggest voice in my life for years too. I stayed a JW years after I had starting thinking that it might all be bollocks, just because I didn't want to hurt her and I was afraid to look outside the little bubble I lived in. That was a waste of many years of my life. I have tried very, very hard to please mum, but she will only love me if I'm a JW, and that kind of love has no value to me. It hurts to lose them all, and in some way it probably always will. I don't ever expect the hurt to disappear, and that's why they do it. I know that they do this deliberately to control me and make me do what they want. Knowing that makes me love them very much less. I don't hate them, but I don't want them back.
I wish for you many years of (safe, please) self-discovery and that sooner or later you find love.
Sorry that your mom is being so horrible to you. The things she said must have just ripped out your heart. You shouldn't have to defend who you are. You were being honest with yourself and with them - she would have have liked it better for you to live a lie and be someone you are not - that makes you the better person in the end.
However, I think you are better off to put some distance between you and the family if this is how they are going to treat you. Nobody needs to be demeaned and belittled the way she did to you. The family members who can accept you for who you are will keep in touch with you. Leave the door open to them and even to your mom if she decides one day to soften her position toward you.
Part of this reaction, aside from the JW slant that teaches them that this is a 'choice' that you've made, is the part of her that is screaming to her that she is responsible for you being this way, that somehow she is at fault - whether biologically or in your upbringing or a combination of the two.
This is advice for down the road a little ways, but you need to do this at some point to legally protect yourself and a future life partner and any assets you acquire together from people who are related to you, but who treat you with the contempt your mother has demonstrated. Don't think for a second that your JW relatives who won't give you the time of day right now won't turn into vultures and try to glom onto your estate in the event that you pass away. Prepare a Will and update it regularly. You may not have very much now, but you may someday own a house and a car and a business and so on, that you may want to bequeath to your partner, and not your JW relatives. It may not be a priority today, but keep it in mind for the future. Protect yourself.
