WHAT would YOU do? Teen issues.....

by onlycurious 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  onlycurious

  My oldest daughter is a handful. She has a mouth that just doesn't seem to stop and today we got into it .....again.

  Well, after a bunch of crap coming out of her mouth, I smacked her on the arm and told her to quit the talking to me that way.

  Then, it got worse when she kicked me. Geez, how would YOU have dealt with this kind of thing.

  I told her I'm going to send her to a camp this summer where they put her on a giant kite (parasailing) and make her fly off a cliff. Also, they'll teach her how to bunji cord . I find it funny because she thinks she is so tough but she really isn't.

  The teachers at school say she is such a sweeting and a pleasure to have in class. I know she is, but at home she just mopes around and acts like living here is the absolute worst place to be.

  Anyone have any solutions? I think a good cold beer or 2 would be good for this evening....or a full body massage. Geez, I'll be gray by next year if this pace keeps up.
• 

  Anony-Mouse

  Yeah, it's tough.
  
  Even from the teen side. I have a hard time trying NOT to disrespect my mom. It's a hard thing not to automatically do.
  
  
  Technically, the reason it happens is cuz a teen wants to get out. Animals leave the home as soon as thier capable of having children, so they don't get pissed at thier parents. But humans have to stay several years longer, so they lash out in an effort to make thier parents kick them out.
  
  It never works...or else I'd be on the street :P .
  
  
  I guess the best way would to give her more freedom....Don't ask me how.
  
  
  Or a boyfreind....call me....
• 

  needproof

  How much time would you say you spend with her? In a week, proper woman to woman time, would you say 5 hours or less, 10 hours or less?
• 

  Mysterious

  Kick her back. (totally joking)
• 

  vitty

  This is so hard............but it will pass !!

  Dont get into verbal fights walk away ignore her, if you dont they will only escalate and NEVER hit her. If you do she will retaliate, her bravado will make her even if she doesnt want ot.

  I used to just stop being nice, I would stop talking (if she notices) My hubby stopped speaking to my son for a week he was so upset with him, when I asked my son to make it up he just stared at me , he hadnt even noticed !!!

  If you go quiet she may feel quilty..............................even so it will bring the level of anger in the house down. Im so sorry for you but it just normal for some teenagers to do this. You are very lucky if it doesnt happen to you.
• 

  jaguarbass

  Raising a child will make you gray. So your not the lone ranger. And it sounds like your are involved and concerned so thats a good thing.
• 

  Nellie

  Sorry folks - I would have beat her ass!

  I know it's not the politically correct thing to do. But yes, we really do handle things differently in black households. For all the mouth my children may have (and I suspect it's not as bad as most), my kids have enough respect (read FEAR) of me that they would never hit me - even though being male and weightlifters, they could all hurt me if they did.

  I understand the whole girl-thing isn't quite the same - but if she's old enough to hit, she's old enough to get hit back! She's crossed a line that's not invisible. She's 17 years old and she knew what she was doing the moment she raised her hand. We would have been having the rest of the conversation with her looking up from the floor!
• 

  ex-nj-jw

  I agree with Nellie,

  My children have never hit, kicked, or spoken to me in a disrespectfull way (except a couple of weeks ago, my oldest is 24), And because he spoke to me that way I refuse to take his calls right now!!!

  There is no way in H*** I would allow my child to talk back to me, or physically abuse me!! At any age. You have to put a stop to that kind of behavior. I have a 19 and 17 year old (male) at home right now, and if they ever tried to lay their hand or foot on me, I would not hesitate to beat the crap out of them!

  nj
• 

  RichieRich

  I never raised my hand or my voice to my mother despite the fact that she never restrained herself from doing such things.

  I never had the right to hit my mother, but I think I could have yelled at her a few times... but I never did.

  And thats a JW mom with mental issues.

  I don't know what drives kids to disrespect their parents, but I don't think an adventure camp would help. To tell the truth, I'd let her spend some quality time in a county facility- even if only for a few hours, that'll show her who's tough and who's not.
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  bisous

  I went through several rough years with my daughter ... she had a lts of emotional swings growing up which she didn't control well ... I agree with some here ... engaging them in the heat of the moment only escalates things.
  
  And the hit back sentiment ... wow, the messages that reinforces are wrong on so many levels. If you have to hit your 17 year old ... or any age ... what does that say about you? what does mimicing bad behavior accomplish?
  
  walk away, count to ten, disengage ... my daughter is in her 20s now, you do live through it. She has shared with me how guilt-ridden and frustrating those years were for her, the feeling out of control. I believe a good portion of it is hormonal.
  
  In the end, IMO, it really is about letting go. Trusting you've laid the right foundation, and relinquishing control. At 17, they are very near ready to fly. Listen more, love more, and just be there (a presence) for her.