I'm new to this forum. I was raised a JW by 3rd generation witnesses. Most of my relatives are witnesses. I married my husband also a witness and we together decided it wasn't for us about three years into our marriage. Three years ago my FIL who is an elder decided to start talking to us again after five blissful years of him not. I personally can't STAND him. He told my husband they could have a relationship as long as he never disassociated himself(by writing a letter). I always feel like I would never write a letter- their rule or expectation if you leave them- not mine, the same way that I try to avoid using their lingo- wordly, the Truth, etc. etc. But sometimes I'm tempted just so I wouldn't have to deal with his outrageous hipocrisy. I noticed people here have written letters and wanted to know about your thought process on it.
Writing a letter to JW's stating that you are no longer one.
by amfree 20 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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Lady Liberty
Dear Amfree,
WELCOME to the forum. Personally I have mixed feelings about it. I so badly want to write a letter of dissasociation. Yet there still are those that will say hi and maybe one day I will be able to reach them if I am not D'Ad. I too don't want to play into their game by giving them anything other then telling them we have nothing further to discuss. I think it would make it way too easy for them if I played into their control game with a letter. Let them work to get rid of me!!
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
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Mum
Are you thinking that by writing such a letter you would be able to keep your father-in-law away? Then your husband would have to write a letter as well. Personally, I have never felt a need to send such a letter, but I didn't have a troublesome relative like you describe. Consider the ramifications carefully. It would be good to have a discussion about it and write down the pros and cons. Opening old wounds and bringing on antagonism from a lot of people who might not even think about you anymore may not be worth it just to distance one person.
Whatever you decide, all the best,
SandraC
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amfree
Thanks. I'm just wondering of those who did write a letter- what their motivation was? It would be a huge deal for me as my parents and grandparents and greatgrandparents are witnesses, Though non of my siblings are witnesses and were never baptized.
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fullofdoubtnow
Hi amfree, and welcome
I wrote a da letter in November 2005. I have no jw relatives, so no problem there - my family were happy I'd left.
My motivation was that the elders would leave me alone if I da'd rather than fading, so I could get on with recovering from spending 25 years in the watchtower. I didn't particularly like playing by their rules, but I'm glad I did now, it's been far easier for me than having to put up with the frequent phone calls and visits that I've known other faders have to endure when they first stopped attending
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ex-nj-jw
Welcome to JWD!!
nj
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unique1
I was being CONSTANTLY harrassed by the elders and my parents and at 29 I decided I should be able to lead a peaceful life of my choosing. Sending some kind of official letter was the only way to stop the harassment. It hurt to have my parents shun me, but in general my life is much more peaceful and less worrysome due to it.
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misanthropic
I always feel like I would never write a letter- their rule or expectation if you leave them- not mine, the same way that I try to avoid using their lingo- wordly, the Truth, etc. etc. But sometimes I'm tempted just so I wouldn't have to deal with his outrageous hipocrisy. I noticed people here have written letters and wanted to know about your thought process on it.
I wasn't going to write a letter, in fact I haven't been to the hall in years. I faded out, eventually the elders stopped calling and everything. But most of my family are in and they shun me anyway since I'm not an active witness. For several months now I've felt I needed to do something just to make it perfectly clear that I don't consider myself a witness and never will again. Mainly because my parents for the past several years have come aorund, tried to get me to come back and then when unseccessful have cut me off. I wanted them to know where I stood. That this was my decision, that I was not a part of their religion and maybe it would if nothing else, make me feel better. I have to say, writing my letter and sending it out weather they read it or not has made me feel a sense of freedom I haven't had. -
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jgnat
Nearly everybody has an in-law they'd like to ditch, Witness or not. I think it is your husband's decision how much time you spend with your father-in-law. Though I was never a witness, I broke off association with my ex-husband's family by letter a few years back. They did an unforgivable (trash-talked my parenting, tried to create a rift between me and my children, and forced my daughter in to an awkward meeting without her permission) and so I read them the riot act.
In your case, I don't see any benefit from publishing your opinion of the Watchtower society. On the other hand, you can demand decent behavior. I also firmly believe that your husband is responsible to keep his family in line, as you are for yours. He should rise to your defence if something inappropriate is said or done.