Writing a letter to JW's stating that you are no longer one.

by amfree 20 Replies latest watchtower scandals

• 

  shell69

  I Das'd four months ago. Thought I'd add both my reasons and the consequences of this.

  I hadn't been to kingdon hell for over a year, when I got a phone call out of the blue requesting the two elders visit me. I know the reason for this is they had heard I was about to undergo a re-hab course for alcohol dependency. However I did not request their so called 'help', and made it clear they were to stay away from me until I had sorted myself out.... which I did. (I am now alcohol free!!, and intend to stay that way). The alcohol dependency had gradually taken hold over a few years. I would come out of the kh and need a drink to calm me down!

  However after the hypocrisy and double standards that I have seen in this awful cult over the years there was no way I was going to allow them to give me a 'push' out of the doors. So I chose to walk, and I walk with dignity, having freed myself from the oppresive weights, and lies that have been forced upon my and my children. I 'choose' not to have my children sit with know poedophiles and be obliged to smile meekly at these grotesque men who are cosseted by a corrupt and manipulative leadership.

  Yes, I know that it is I who am considered to be a nothing, but I will live with that, because I have set my children and myself free.

  The consequences were, that for a period of time I felt very low. Having battled my addiction, and with a sobre mind I had to realise that my mother would never have anything to do with me again. Also the beleif systems that have been with me all my life told me that I was now 'dead', or waiting to die. I can't say that the effects of the indoctrinations have completely subsided, and realistically this aspect of my recovery will take some time, however, I will die with my dignity, my head held high, because as much as I feel scared at the result of my 'walking away', I would rather die than be forced to go along with certain doctrin's which I will always believe are utterly wrong.

  Incidently on the two occasion when I have seen 'whitlesses' in the supermarket only for them to blank me (... these pople would treat Hitler better than me)... where have they been????? going down the acohol aisle of course!!

  At least I admit what I am.

  But I'm not bitter
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Yes - I wrote a letter - October 2006.

  I had left the 'Lie' around January 2004, and stuck around 'officially' for almost three years. I debated the whole 'Am I playing their game' with a letter thing for a long time. But I didn't feel totally free with that. Though I did not care if they DF'd me, I still wanted to do it on my terms a little bit. Finally, my elected choices and words got back to the elders and they invited me to a JC meeting.

  I did not go - and instead called one of the elders on the night before the JC meeting and told him I would submit the letter that they wanted within 2 weeks. This gave me time to issue a letter to a few families in the congregation - a letter that arrived in the hands of these persons a few days ahead of the one I delivered to the elders. I don't know if anyone read it - or cared one way or the other - but I did it my way in the end.

  Some argue that by DA'ing one is 'playing their game' - others claim that by submitting to the DF process one is 'playing their game' - in the end the only way not to play their game is to just walk away and never look back - out very presence on this board shows that most cannot truly do that anyway.

  They cornered me with a charge of 'apostasy' - which was already the long time gossip. The letters showed that I was leaving due to personal integrity on my part. And the dispicable conduct that violated the principles upon which the organization said it stood were revealed to at least a few people in the process.

  If there was nothing else involved but the few corrupted elders on the local level and the corrupted organization in Brooklyn, I would not have bothered. But there is a body of pretty fine people called Jehovah's Witnesses, the rank and file, that are also trapped in the same cult I was. It was for their sake that I established my exit legally based on my choice, and based on reasons I circulated among them.

  My guess is that somewhere my letter to them is still in someones possession - and someday they may leave too.

  Anyway - that is the way I interpret my motivation for doing it that way.

  Jeff
• 

  38 Years

  Welcome! Here's my two cents. Instead of writing a letter to the Elders and dredging up more problems that you don't deserve, you and your husband need to list and announce some ground rules and limits to your FIL . Then you and your husband could set up a plan on what should be done if your FIL refuses to comply that does not involve a letter to the JWs.
• 

  theinfamousone

  im more on the side of why bother?!!? i mean, i dont go to meetings, i dont acknowledge them when i see them, and i definitely dont tell people i am a non practising JW!i am just not a jw... if they expect a letter, they can screw themselves... why should i make any contact with them? its not worth it!

  the infamous one
• 

  sass_my_frass

  I suggest that you save it for when there is nothing left to say to the people who are in who you still love; you mention parents and grands. Your issue with your FIL should be separate. If you don't have the kind of relationship where you can express how you feel about what you consider his hypocrisy, you'll find that it's possible to keep him out of your life without a DA letter - screen call and don't return messages, don't contact him, if he sees you in person, politely disappear.

  It isn't essential to keep these people in our lives, poisoning us.
• 

  fokyc

  Welcome to the forum, Amfree and Shell69

  Never write to the elders about anything. They have an uncanny knack of twisting what you have written.

  They then write to the branch about you in rather distasteful terms.

  If you take them on, you can't and won't win.

  Just become inactive and forget them, if you can.

  fokyc
• 

  yaddayadda

  I simply faded and never got hassled by any elders, ever, although it was probably a lot to do with the fact that I moved a few times & changed phone numbers. That certainly helps a lot in getting out of their radar range.
  
  I feel absolutely no need or desire to DA myself. Just can't see what is the point of playing by their own nasty little rules. If any elders contacted me out of the blue then I would simply politely and firmly tell them that I wish to be left alone and request they do not contact me again. If they then disfellowship me without a JC then so be it. Feck em.
• 

  Quandry

  I personally can't STAND him. He told my husband they could have a relationship as long as he never disassociated himself(by writing a letter)

  Welcome to the forum.

  While I understand that you have personal feelings against you FIL, he still is your husband's dad. Actually, we are always on this forum stating that just because a person leaves the organization, doesn't mean your family should shun you. I think your FIL is trying within his parameters to still have a relationship with his son, which is more than many get when they don't go regularly to the KH. Plus obviously he knows that you are both considered "apostate" and as long as his son doesn't write a letter, you FIL is still willing to buck to JW mindset and talk with him.

  Perhaps they could see each other away from your presence. Maybe meet for coffee or some activity while you are out shopping, etc.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  welcome to the board amfree and shell69

  amfree: fade if you can...who cares if you are "playing their game" or not? If you want to write a D/A letter, do it. Dont bother with a JC with the BorgElders. They will do whatever is already in their minds...nothing you say will change it....so why bother...

  If you have people in you care about, I agree with AK-Jeff on this one:

  But there is a body of pretty fine people called Jehovah's Witnesses, the rank and file, that are also trapped in the same cult I was. It was for their sake that I established my exit legally based on my choice, and based on reasons I circulated among them.

  well said Jeff... amfree..write a letter to your close friends and family...or do as one brother who was D/F for apostasy in my old congo (i was on his JC sadly)...write a letter to everyone in the congo...and he posted on his blog too...he sent a nice annual update letter to all of us... I appreciated it...

  but whatever you do...do it on your terms and who cares what the BorgElders think?

  sincerely... SnakesInTheTower (of the "not writin' any letters" Sheep Class)
• 

  emptywords

  Hello Amfree, don't play their game, just be diplomatic and say thanks for you're concern but we would prefer to continue as we are. goodbye, and any change of mind we will contact you.