How long do you greive?

helncon

As i was driving home from work tonight i was feeling uneasy which was unusual for me and then it occured to me that it was a close friends death anniversary(13-06-93), reflecting on my way home i thought of the good times that we had(i had known this person since i was 7 till he died at 16) and for the first time in many years this year i have felt at ease with this as the previous years i have always been a mess.

I still think of others who have died over the years but think of the positive and no longer feel the sad pain anymore.

Have i moved on?

So i ask how long does it take to actually get over the pain and hurt from loved ones dieing?

Guessing it does depend on how close and how well you knew that person.

Helen

(For my friend Stuart)

Wasanelder Once

For me it is not the waking hours that are troubled. My dreams are always of my Mom dying of heart failure again in all sorts of situations. Every time I cannot save her. When I'm awake and I think of her it is no longer of her in distress physically. I've come to terms with it consciously, its the unconscious that is rife with pain.

Other people I have cared about that have died haven't had such an effect on me.

Time helps. I think we learn that overt mourning over time is like poking yourself in the eye, it serves no purpose.

W.Once

Sad emo

I think it depends on a lot of things - as you mentioned, how close you were to them, but also things like was it sudden, did you get chance to say goodbye to them, make peace over anything unresolved, did they suffer a lot of pain and you could do nothing to help them, did you see them die - stuff like this can leave you feeling guilty, angry, maybe even 'abandoned' and until you work through all the feelings you don't get 'closure'.

Even after grieving, something can trigger you back again completely out of the blue too, maybe a place or a smell - I find at the moment that seeing anyone who looks like or has some of my mum's traits (eg the way they walk, dress, carry their shopping) just sets me off.

AK - Jeff

Four years ago I lost my Brother. Three years ago next week I lost my Mom.

I grieve differently for both. My brother is in my thoughts nearly every day. My mom less often. I can think of the good things mostly with both, but I miss my brother so severly at times that it makes me cry. It seems so unfair that I lost him at such a young age. I look at my grandchildren and know that both Mom and my brother would have loved to have known them, but never will.

I think I have moved on, but at times I wonder too. Love is hard to lose.

Jeff

R.F.

I know i'm no where near close as you guys as to the amount of time of grieving.

I lost my brother-in-law 3 weeks ago.

He died tragically, suffered a little(I think but that hasn't been clarified yet), and suddenly.

I'm still quite shocked about it but seeing him in the casket gave me some sense of closure

When I go over him and my sisters house and see pictures of him or some of his things I get teary eyed most of the time.

My emotions have effected me physically, as in causing me to have a weird sleep schedule, nausea, and headaches constantly.

I've lost many distant relatives, but not someone this close.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

purplesofa

My brother died last summer.

Some days I let myself go back and remember when he was a baby, remember his t-ball games, riding his new/old mustang he got, remembering how he said "Hey Sis" and it brings smiles to my face.

Other days, I can be busy, right in the middle of work, driving, cooking, etc. and something comes over me, I feel the loss, the pain, the hurt, the sadness. I allow myself to feel it at that time. It' s like a cut that has scabbed over, not healed yet, and it gets bumped and hurts again.

My step-dad, my brothers father, died, wow, 17+ years ago, I cant remember......and I still miss him very very much. It seems the farther away from the day he died, the deeper the sorrow and grief is. I think, if he were still alive, he would be doing this and that.....my kids could spend time with him and my grandkids. How different life would be for my mother.

I think we grieve as long as it takes. And that is just OK. Each time we feel grief, we let something undesirable from inside us out and can replace it with something kinder.

purps

ninja

horrible but relevant topic........................with my cousins wee boy Mark...I think about him often....he was killed by a paedophile a few years ago.....I can't let go how harrowing his last moments must have been....my cousin is an absolute shell of a human being now...she is devastated.......I know my wee mum hasn't got long... when we were told she had a large tumour in her oesophagus and it was serious she literally collapsed and had to be held up....her first words were "i'm sorry son but i've got no money to help bury me".....pretty scary time for her looking death in the face like that

BFD

My father died on February 22, 2001 and I still miss him every day. I was physically ill from grief for weeks after his death. Everyone says time heals but I do not think I'll ever not miss him. At least I can think about him and not cry most times anymore.

This is a heartbreaking thread. My sympathy to you all for your losses.

BFD

troubled mind

My son's friend killed herself a year ago . I cried nearly everyday when I would think of her . Since the yr. anniversary I have come to terms with it and I don't feel the despair of it all anymore.Maybe because someone closer to me has died .

My mom died five months ago . We knew her bad health was going to take her soon , so I felt prepared for her death . I find myself greiving more now than when she passed. When I see mothers and daughters out shopping together or we get gifts for mothers in at the shop I work at ,I get teary eyed .Several times I have had to stop myself from picking up the phone to call her with some news tidbit I knew she would enjoy .I miss her ....:(

My sister lives at home w/my dad ,and she is getting rid of mom's things and moving into her old bedroom ......this is really hard for me ....it is as if mom was never there .

I want to have some of my mothers belongings but, I just can't bring myself to go through it .It is hard to go over to their home right now . I guess time will help .

ex-nj-jw

I had a dear friend that passed in 1998, and to this day when 10/11 comes along I get very sad and have memories of things we had once done together.

I think the pain goes away after awhile, but you will always remember and grieve for that person, especially if he/she was very close to you.

I don't think you can place a time limit on it, but you can choose to remember the good times not the death or how the death occured.

I hope that helps some, just in case here is a hug for ya!!!

I will be going to NJ this weekend for a funeral, my husband's uncle passed away this past Saturday and he was very dear to me, my husband's family never treated me as an "in-law", I am a very lucky women to have married into such a wonderfull family. Too bad my husband can't say the same!!

nj

How long do you greive?

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