I use my opportunities with my wife to have mini-interventions, but I do things differently with
my mother. She knows that I am no longer an elder, but she hasn't asked more about what's
going on in my "Spiritual" life. It's like other JW's- She's probably afraid of the answers.
I allow my non-JW sibling (who knows about my fade from the cult) to work on my mother and
I make mini-intervention comments, but more subtle than the ones with the wife. Basically, I am
trying a different approach with the mother. I don't think it's working well so I took it up a notch,
recently.
While my wife knows much more, she's afraid to ask usually, because I will be able to say
something that's not pro-JW.
So, here's what happened. I got two new copies of MISTAKES WERE MADE BUT NOT BY ME
for my sibling and my mother. I told the sibling I would make presents of them, and to just be
thrilled for such a great gift. My sibling, my wife, my mother and I were present. I gave the books
to them, saying "I wanted you each to have this book, because it really helps my thinking. It allows
me to see that I need to be careful about just going along with others or thinking that I don't have
unseen influences on my decisions. It helped me to see that I don't have to continue to justify past
actions and decisions that may have been bad, and throw more effort and time into justifying them,
but I can admit that mistakes were made, and it's time to change them."
I said that in one breath, practically. It came out naturally. My sibling thanked me heavily. I am
certain my sibling will read and appreciate the book. My mother thanked me, and because it is a
gift, I am also certain she will read the book. It's not about religion, but it's about cognitive dissonance and
biased thinking, pressures upon our decisions from various sources, thinking in absolutes such as 'us' and
'them.' This will be a good ice breaker for further discussions with my mother, such as "Why did you
think I should have that book?"
After awhile of family chit chat, my sibling left. My mother started talking about the "New System right around
the corner." I said nothing, allowing my wife to carry the load of JW chat.
Later, just the wife and I were talking. "You didn't tell your mother you don't go to the meetings anymore, did you?"
"No, she knows I am not an elder."
"Why haven't you told her?"
"Since I told her I am no longer serving as an elder because I have disagreements with Organizational policies,
(that is what I told her) I wait to be asked questions, just like with you. If she were to ask about meetings, I
would tell her. It's bound to come up when discussing the Convention this year. Besides, you are free to talk
with her about it." (Typical of most in-law relationships, she gets along with them but only speaks to my family
when she is with me. They don't do coffee together or shop together without me. My relation to her family is
the same as that.)
"She hasn't asked?"
"No, it hasn't come up."
"And when she does ask, 'Why aren't you going to meetings?' what will you say?"
"It's important to think for myself without pressures upon my understandings. The meetings interfere with
my ability to think for myself."
"And you will answer whatever questions she asks?"
"Sure, any questions you ask, also."
No more questions came from her. I actually hope she speaks to my mother, but I am almost certain
she won't. Thanks for reading and any suggestions are greatly appreciated.