"You don't return my phone calls!"

by zack 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  zack

  Ok. So what is the story about people getting upset with others because THEIR phone calls are not returned? I know that sometimes I don't return calls, but I also know that sometimes people just call to chat, gossip, bitch, and overall waste my time and add to my stress level. Second, I beleive this complaint is self centered: YOU didn't return MY phone call.

  WHY is your phone call supposed to spark some sort of urgency in my routine that I must get you back on the phone immediately?

  And, WHY DON"T PEOPLE JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE?

  Guess I'm not a phone person. But I feel intruded upon many times by others who decide they will call (when it is convenient and good for them), and then get upset when I do not promptly get back to them.
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  Crumpet

  Zack - thank your lucky stars - I do not have your number.
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  mrsjones5

  I think it's just as annoying if not more when people call and leave a dead air message. Say something for goodness sake! I know you called, I can see your number on caller id!

  Guess who the worst offender is? My mother! Who then will have the nerve to call me back and ask where have I been.

  Josie
• 

  pmouse

  I'm not a phone person either Zack. I spend most of my day answering demands and questions at work so it's the last thing I want to do when I get home. I have told everyone including my brother that I am like the painter who won't paint his own house. I have been candid in that I screen my calls and if I don't know who's calling I certainly won't pick up.

  My Suggestions:

  1. Be honest and tell the offenders up front that you sometimes are not up to talking on the phone and will call them when you are.
  2. Advise them that you screen all calls and if there is no message, you certainly will NOT return the call. My brother-in-law is infamous for this because he hates talking to machines.
  3. Tell them that you did not return their calls or pick up because it was inconvenient and you will do so when it's convenient for you and you feel you can give them your full attention.
  4. As a last resort, get an unlisted number and don't give out the number to anyone other than those you intend to speak with. Be prepared to handle those who are insulted that you will not release your number.

  Good luck!
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  purplesofa

  I used to feel obligated to answer every phonecall, return every message, answer the door if someone came over.

  Now I do it when it's convenient for me. It was liberating to gain that control over that part of my life. Now people I know do not take it personally (that took some real training) except for my Mom still does.

  purps
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  jgnat

  I deeply dislike the phone. To me when it rings, it means work. One of my pet peeves? Phone message, "Check your e-mail" or e-mail message, "Check your voice mail." Just TELL me for darn's sake and save me the double-listen.

  I learned a lesson in boundaries that saves me a lot of stress at home. For needy family members and friends who call a lot, set boundaries. "I would love to help you, but I need to set boundaries so I don't get worn out. Call me no more than XX times a day/week. If you overstep my boundaries, you may have to find someone else to help you."
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  ex-nj-jw

  I try really hard to treat people the way I want to be treated. So if I call someone, say a friend just to chit chat and get their voice mail, I leave a message. As a friend I expect that person to call me back at their convience as I would call my friend back. If my brother, sister, even my pain in the A** mother and father happen to call or I call them, it's just common courtesy to return the call.

  IMHO - If you don't want people to call you, don't get a phone or at least don't give out the number. You could always just say, I don't like to talk, so please only call me in an emergency.

  nj
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  My daughter hasn't returned a phone call for over a year--nor does she respond to my emails. BTW, I'm not DF'd but obviously "marked." She has most of the family albums, and I'm only asking for three pictures of myself when I was a child. My parents took very few pictures (it was war time), and those pictures are precious. I'd like to share them with the rest of the family who will speak to me. On top of all this, she just inherited my father's entire estate--I was dumped because I'm not going to meetings.
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  IP_SEC

  im not a phone person either zack. most of the calls i make are 30 seconds or less

  I hate to just chat on the phone but will make exceptions with someone I really like.

  If a house is not burning to the ground people need to get over not being called back promptly, that is a relative term anyhow. Even if my boss calls, I call him back when Im damn good and ready.
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  Xena

  People don't expect me to return their calls until I'm ready. Like a few other people said in their posts, let people know what they can and can't expect from you. But also give the same, I don't expect other people to call me back until they are good and ready to either.