Greetings All:
I've been absent from this board from some time, as I've been through alot the past few months. Firstly, my mother passed away after complications from her surgery. So I've lost my entire family since 1999. I'm an only child. I'm not even 30. I was so sad and devastated that I didn't know what to do. I will say that during my mother's decline I started praying harder than I ever had before to Jehovah, and I did feel some comfort that I had never felt before. I do look forward to the resurrection, and I know my mother did as well. She was baptized, but inactive for a few years.
I actually got support from the Body of Elders, even though I hadn't been to a meeting in probably 5 years. (except the Memorial) They offered the Kingdom Hall (politely declined, I had a nice funeral home lined up), and one Elder whom I've known since early childhood was perfectly happy to give a nice, not-so-typical JW service. He did a fantastic job, and didn't say ANYTHING about the 144,000, the GB, or anything like that. He didn't even mention Jehovah except in the prayer. Overall, it was a very nice service and celebration of life for my mother, with all my non-JW relatives, and about 10 JW friends of ours showing up. None of my relatives were offended at the talk to the Elder gave. It lasted only 20 minutes. Several of my mother’s friends and co-workers spoke highly of her after the talk.
Anyway, during all of this I really had to examine my belief system and what I wanted in life and how to raise my now young child. Was I being too hard on the JW's? I mean, I always felt they had some truth, and that alot of how you were brought up depended on how strict your congregation and parents were to the rules, etc. Could I go back to just the Sunday meetings, be a good person and live by God's standards, raise my child very liberally (according to JW standards) and still gain God's and everyone else's acceptance? Where the JW's really that bad, or have I been sighing and moaning over the past for too long? Also, I have something my parents didn't have: Knowledge, a history of the JW past, and an inquisitive critically thinking mind. I mean, with all of that surely they can't turn me into a zombie, right?
So.......after some pondering and praying, I have decided to just go back to Sunday meetings for a while. It's been ok so far....everyone has treated me nicely without love bombing me, I've spoken openly (when asked) about whether I've been to other churches, and I've even asked questions without retribution. I haven't had anyone ask if I'd like to study with them, but again maybe that's because they are half afraid of the questions I'd ask them. They can already see I know my history, am educated, and aren't afraid to ask pin-point questions aimed at certain beliefs or doctrine. I really do want answers to some questions I have never been given satisfaction on, so we'll see how that goes.
As for the meetings themselves.....the Sunday talk is usually good, but I have noticed for the very first time how much they flip through scriptures and only highlight what they want kind of out of context. This is somewhat troubling to me. Also, the almost constant droning about obeying the Society and also not using the internet is down right scary. I mean, it's really absurd and I nearly laughed out loud at the thought of not researching things on the internet. What decade/century do we live in again? They really do seem paranoid and like they are afraid of losing their grip. But that was only like one talk...the rest were ok. As for the people themselves, I see half and half. I'd say 65% look happy, and the other 35% are depressed or tired.
So what do I mean about being liberal with my child? Well for one, I celebrate B-days, period. I see nothing wrong with it. I celebrated almost all holidays for 1 year (last year) just to see how it was, and I have to be honest and say that I didn't feel like more or less of a Chrstian for doing so. So to be honest, I wouldn't miss holidays or care much about them. Also, I'd let my child be in Cub Scouts, sports, karate, school activities, and hang with worldly kids in moderation. I'd also ENCOURAGE continuing education. I think that's a pretty normal life, minus not celebrating holidays. Oh yeah, I wouldn't force the field ministry and any other meetings on him. (Besides Sunday) I also use my own Bible....a Revised New American Standard.
I guess I'll let you all know how this all turns out from time to time. I've looked into other denominations, and I'm just not comfortable with the Trinity, etc. I also feel that they have left alot of the "Old" crap behind from C.T., like the Masonic symbols, Finished Mystery garbage, Rutherford/Franz droning about the end, etc. In short, I feel they've made SOME kind of progress and maybe are deserving of a second chance. Maybe I'll get burned or disillusioned again, and I guess if that happens I'm done. All I know is I need something right now in my life, some sort of spiritual path towards God and His word.
I want you all to know that I don't intend to become some uppity MS or some WT thumping aux pioneer. That has never been my thing, informal witnessing has always been more productive in my opinion. You can only become a cult member if you allow yourself to go too far, and that is true of anything. My in-laws are Lutherans, and they are so involved at their church all the time it's like a cult, seriously! Although I'd have to admit that they actually enjoy and have fun at their church, whereas most JW's I feel are just quilted into going to ALL the meetings.
Don't be mad at me. I'm in part trying to get over being bitter about my upbringing....and the more I think about it, the more I feel it is something that should be left in my past, to be forgiven and for me not to make the same mistakes.
Regards,
- Wing Commander