I've been fading for about a year. Each day that passes I feel more free and less a part of the WTS. I marvel at the time I have on my hands to do things I really enjoy now that I don't have meetings and FS to worry about.
When does it get easier??
by jibberish 12 Replies latest jw friends
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Mysterious
My ex-jw birthday is on the sidebar. I think it just gradually gets easier there haven't been too many real peak epiphany moments for me..moving out was one I guess..meeting my boyfriend was another.
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sparrow
Hi, this is my first post. I am 33, grew up as a JW and have been DF'd for about 4 years now and I have only just started to coming to terms with what the hell has been going on all these years. Not sure if it's the same as others but I have been through stages which I classify as
1) Totally devistated that I got myself DF'd (first year - even went back to a few meetings and sat up the back like I had leprosy)
2) Angry why I wasn't forgiven when I went to them and confessed (second year)
3) Didn't give a flying sh#$ (second to third year - I married a "worldly woman" in this time who is (a) sane and (b) who's family thinks the sun shines out my butt unlike most witnesses now and they treat me like a human)
4) Doing my own research as a result of the elder that studied with me most of my life (and is a close friend) left because he was molested at bethel and realising the massive holes and hypocrisy (third year to fourth year)
5) Angry as Hell and frustrated that I have wasted most of my life. (This is where I am at although I am lucky enough to have 2 consolations. I met my wife because of all this and all my family except 1 sister still talks to me. My parents (divorced and both remarried) are witnesses still but don't agree with the DF rule so we still hang out. My other siblings left too - that's another story)
I'm not sure what stage is next although I am contemplating creating 1000 fake programs for an assembly that look exactly the same with the inside content changed like:
- 10:00 AM Public Discourse: Why was the WBTS part of the U.N until 2001?
-10:30 AM Reasoning from the pyramids: Why did Charles T Russel confirm his date theories with pyramid measurements
I would then dress up like a JW. Attend the convention and start putting them on seats "sneaky sneaky" like.
Anyway you get the idea. Like I said I am trying to pull out positives and not get too mad at myself. I also feel for those that devoted more time and resources than me and take some comfort in the fact I had a few rebellious years and got to go have some fun. Hopefully I will get over it soon.
Cheers