Visit with JW family

Brigid

Dear friends and fellow sojourners,

I have not had much time to post here and I miss you all horribly. Even as I start this topic, I worry that I will not have the time to babysit it as I should but I just wanted to bleed out some of my thoughts after a visit with my mother and brother recently--thoughts that you and only you will understand.

I have not seen my mother in over a year. I do love her though our past is wrinkled with pain (not all of it bad). I want you to know that I do love my mother and no doubt I love my baby brother. We used to be so so close until he returned to the organization.

First let me say I was absolutely shocked at her home. It is quite literally falling apart. I once heard my mother tell an insurance sales person all about the new world coming and that was the reason why she did not have need for life insurance. No planning. No preparation. Only a wrecked life of reactionary living to every crisis that appears. Failing health. I cannot even contribute financially anymore as I used to. What good did it ever do anyway?

There was, my friends, a slight moment of sick nostalgia--I swear, as I beheld those old bound volumes, comic-book style WTs and tracts that colored the landscape of my weird childhood. I felt like a person visiting and feeling nostalgia for a prison they had spent years in...something "comforting" about the familiarity of misery--for if nothing else, it was constant. Not that all the times were bad. BTW, the literature literally says nothing NOTHING new. It was amazing to me. Still the same old tired sentiments. Oh well. Let the dead bury the dead.

My brother's health--not good. He has a new daughter and she is beautiful. I was glad that he let me see her because he had refused the blanket I had crocheted her in the beginning because of my "alternative" (demonized) spirituality. I totallly do not blame him as my mind was there at one time.

Totally self-righteous. Totally masked from the baby brother who used to laugh with me and joke etc.

I woke up the next morning as early as possible after I slept very very little and felt as if I did not get out of there my very breath would fail me.

Just had to share. I'm glad to be back home.

Love and Light,

~Brigid

Mysterious

refused the blanket I had crocheted her

I think that says it all about the JW mindset. It's too bad that such a lovingly crafted, thoughtful gift you put effort and care into was just arbitrarily turned down by religious superstition.

Brigid

That really was okay. I understood fully because I would have refused such a gift at a time in my life, truly believing it to be an endangerment to my family from demons.

I wound up using what I had to make a bigger blanket for my daughter (my 14-year-old baby) and she loves it! Or so she says LOL! All my loved ones have to suffer through my homemade crocheted, badly sewn "goodies" LOL!

ex-nj-jw

I can definately relate - i just spoke with my parents. Elderly, bad health, bills out the ying yang, and they just took out another mortgage, purchased a used car, gave my sister their old car, ran up a new credit card for my sis's kids.......all on a fixed income namely Social Security and very small amount of pension as they did not prepare for this time in life that wasn't supposed to come.

Wait on Jehovah, he will fix everything, we wont have to pay these bills because Jah will take care of them!

nj

Brigid

It's just sad and such a waste to see my brother going down that path. After I left her house (practically balling my tires, spinning gravel, kickin' up dust LOL!), I nearly had a panic attack trying to put as much distance (physical and psychic) distance between us.

Is that healthy? Have I not confronted fully my "demons" from my past?

Also, why did I feel so damn nostalgic about that crap-a$$, poorly bound, abysmally written literature?

hmmmm....

Wordly Andre

about a year and half before my died passed away from cancer, I asked him about final arrangements, his wishes, etc. I was TOTALLY shocked that he didn't have life insurance, infact he had cancelled the free policy his job gave him, I loved my dad but I never felt so angry at him for a stupid choice, not that I wanted any money but HELLO My mom would surely need to live after he's gone??? Oh but I forgot Jehovah will provide, Damn I wish Jehovah would have helped me with his funeral costs, Cheap bastard!! still paying it off

freedomloverr

oh man Brigid. I know the nostalgic feeling....interesting isn't it?

seeing a WT in my stepmom's car not that long ago I opened it and leafed through it and was *almost excited* to read the real life story that was in that one. I used to love to read those and think about all these things that these *faithful* people went through. UGH! I was shocked that I *wanted* to read that....just for a moment though.

It's so physically and mentally draining being around the jw energy. I can only do it in small doses and then I have to retreat and ground myself again.

I'm glad you are back home and able to recharge around your loved ones...

greendawn

That is the big deception the end is just round the corner year after year and as a result those that take it seriously don't plan for the future in this world since they believe it will soon pass away, but it never does. Even now in the year 2007 they strongly discourage younsters from having a university education. Many dubs have been victimised in this way by the cult.

Brigid

and think about all these things that these *faithful* people went through.

Yea, all those stories like: "sister so-and-so lives in war torn Africa with her 10 children, unbelieving mate who beats her mercilessly, lives on three cents a month (still manages to contribute!), has club feet and leprosy and still she pioneers (why can't you???)" LOL!!!!

gods, I used to hate those stories. Though there was one that will stay with me forever. A man ("brother"), Australian, I think who suffered from such horrible shyness and resulting depression that he felt as if sometimes his spirit left his body. Always having had somewhat "mystical" experiences myself, I related. I was also extremely shy and depressed as a young witness, so I related alot.

Thanks for letting me share here.

I feel so detached right now from my family. Like I've gone totally into the "observer" mode. I cannot feel anymore for them because I totally burnt myself out on it. I used to worry incessantly about them, their finances, health, etc. Now I have to release them to live with the decisions they have made, as I must live with mine.

thepackage

Be strong, You've done the right thing. Don't feel bad but be happy. I hate the guilt trip thing since I'm going through it right now.

Visit with JW family

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