by AK - Jeff 23 Replies latest social humour
One of my friends was a teacher of 5 year olds.
She went on a trip to a farm with the class. At one pen a boar mounted a sow.
She said "come on kids, let's move it!" to avoid any embarrassment.
One of the little ones asked why they had to move on so fast? So she told him the pigs were making too much noise.
"But my mommy and daddy make much more noise than that"
HB
In my earliest years, I lived with my grandparents in rural Tennessee. My grandfather was a country preacher, so we went to church a lot. My sister, 2 years younger than I, lived with our parents (yeh, screwed up family) who did not go to church at all, but she would spend time with us for days or weeks at a time.
My grandmother instructed us, in preparation for Sunday school, that if we were called on to recite a Bible verse, an easy one to remember is, "Jesus wept," in fact the shortest verse in the Bible. I was about 5, and my sister was about 3 at the time.
We arrived at church, and split up into our Sunday School groups. It was a small country church, so each group, by age, took up one row (one bench as we called it). My sister's group was seated across the aisle from mine. My grandmother was teaching my group.
Sure enough, time came for my sister's group to recite a scripture (a verse, as we called it). She said, "Jesus wept." Then she stood up on her seat and yelled across the aisle at my grandmother, "Hey, Mamaw! Didn't Jesus ever mop?"
The whole church was rolling in the aisles, but not because they had the spirit.
Here's to kids, the best humorists of all,
SandraC
A close friend of mine has a cousin who was about 3 at the time of this story. They were in their minivan travelling someplace when his mother scolded him for not being in his seat.
He mutters under his breath, "Stupid.."
"What did you say Trevor?!"
"Um, I said soup!"
Me and Mom were driving down the interstate and my lil' cousin was in the back seat. Mom passed by Dad's job and said "look M, that's where Uncle A goes to work". My cousin said with much enthusiam and awe, "Oh, Uncle A makes clouds?" My dad works at a plant and the smoke or whatever it is was coming out of the stacks.........LOL
Let's see, two classics from my own kids:
He walked in from the front yard and I complimented him on his headgear. "I'm a monster donster," he explained proudly, and turned on his heel to exit. Then he remembered something: He turned back to me, added "I'm from Hong Kong," and walked out.
At dinnertime, she dove into the catfish, ate every scrap, and declared: "The kitty cat fish was splendid, Mommy! What does splendid mean?"
gently feral
These stories are a hoot! I love it!
A couple small stories from the top of my brain-
Recently my three year old decided to take a pair of scissors and sheer off her beautiful brown curly hair. When asked why she did it? "I wan look like Daddy!" Daddy's a soldier, and she wanted to be just like him. How can you be mad at that?
And from this morning actually. After only getting five hours of sleep, my middle girl (7 years old) comes tromping into my husbands and my bedroom, carrying her version of breakfast in bed for us. One apple cut up and slightly brown... , three hard biscuits from last nights dinner, red kool-aid and toast with all the butter in a lump on one side of the bread. All setup beautifully on a cookie sheet that she carried down two flights of stairs ..... It was the most delicious breakfast I had ever tasted!
While still a JW, my five year old had learned about Santa Claus at school and was extremely excited when she got home that day. She was gushing about how Santa flies around the world and gives all the kids presents. I had to break her little heart and tell her that Santa did not exist. Some months later while reading the bible story book I was explaining to her that Jehovah cannot be seen. She asked if there were any pictures of Jehovah and I said "no". She thought for a moment and said, "OK let me get this strait, Jehovah exists, but nobody sees him and nobody has a picture of him, but Santa doesn't exist, but you can see him at the mall, and I've seen pictures of him?" There is just no way that child would have stayed a JW, at five her bullshit meter was much more accurate then mine ever was.
bttt
My little boy was faking illness this morning, he had to spend the day in the class he will be moving into next school term, and the teacher has a bad reputation for shouting a lot. So i tried to say to him "No one gets hurt from shouting " and hi replied straight away "I do, it hurts my ears!" I couldn't think of a reply to that one!
Jeff,
":Levi" is my wife's great nephew: we recieved him into our home when he was two...he will be six in Oct. I wrote down several "Levi" stories: here is one: happened about a year and a half ago, now:
To All, Levi has had a couple of adventures of late: we were given two kinds of "treats" to give to the ducks at the park by Mr and Mrs Nash down the street from Mr and Mrs Massri: Cheetos and salad crackers. I took Levi to the park and we learned the following: Geese hate Cheetos. They are not wild about crackers. They hiss at you for messing up on what to bring to the park for snack time and have a very non forgiving attitude. Ducks prefer salad crackers to Cheetos and are generally thankful. Small black birds with sharp beaks like everything and will go to dangerous extremes to nab a Cheeto. Levi took all this in and was quite pleased with the snack experment. I guess his animal observation experment germinated and he moved on to more aggressive scientific adventures. This morning, I was setting in the Study working on an email when I heard Aunt Terra yell, "My God, Levi, what are you doing??!!??" Usually, from word spoken and tone, I can tell Levi is in some sort of an expermental mode and the cost of the experment, in Aunt Terra's estimation, is greater than the "general good." "Terra, what happened?" I venture a inquiry. "Levi, is in here licking the cat!" Aunt Terra responded in a state of dis-belief. Turns out, Levi decided to help Fetch, our eighteen year old cat, groom herself. Seeing the manner of "natural grooming" Levi decided to assist in a, mutually, natural manner. After a couple of licks, he realized this was not the best method for a human to help a cat groom itself. Fetch is shedding. Badly. Just after Aunt Terra yelled, Levi ran across the room to the doorway of the Study and was standing about three feet from me. His eyes were very wide. He was waving his arms about like the robot from the old "Lost in Space" TV show (DANGER!! DANGER!!) His mouth was in a contortion. If he stuck out his tongue to get the cat hair out of his mouth to avoid gagging, it did not get the hair off his tongue. If he brought his tongue back into his mouth, well, he had a mouthful of cathair. He was rapidly vacilating between sticking his tongue out, gagging, and spitting. This happened, as all Levi incidents do, rapidly. "Go wash out your mouth in the bathroom sink." was my advice. He took off and in a few seconds I heard water running and "gurgle, gurgle, spit" going on in there. Problem solved. This time......
