Interesting developments with my wife.

Paralipomenon

It has been quite a while since I've provided an update but recently things have been odd.

There have been alot little things I've picked up on that leads me to believe my wife is really struggling with the concept of remaining a witness. I provide gentle coaxing here and there. If is see an ember of doubt, I'll gently blow on it to get her thinking but I'm not being confrontational about it.

Things that I've noticed or heard.

On her Facebook account many of her old friends have long since left the WTS. She was struggling with the idea of associating with them. After all, they are disfellowshiped and the Watchtower mental locks were rapidly closing her mind. I couldn't see why not. I just commented that I thought it was silly to stop being friends with someone because of their religious beliefs. She considered this, and agreed. They were once her friends and there was no reason for them not to continue.

Largely, the response back was quite favorable. She is learning that people continue to live after leaving. They don't turn into vicious snarling monsters, wrapped up in demonic confusion. But they get jobs, they get married, have children, enjoy life just like everyone else.

Contrast that with the plastic friendship that she has with people in her hall. Jockeying for approval of Jehovah and the elders. Competing on who's holier.

She has been reading the book "Toxic Parents" (thanks Lady Lee for the reference) though she's stalled out at Part 2, where it talks about confronting the issue. She's not ready for it yet and that's okay. The book remains beside her bed, available when she's ready. She's really come to terms with how destructive her parents are and is learning not to be afraid of them. In my mind, that is the absolute number one reason she clings to the faith. She's not scared of Jehovah or Jesus, she doesn't care about everlasting life. She scared sh**less of her parents.

Recently though she's been developing a family outside of her parents. My parents have been very involved, and while they are witnesses, our unspoken motto is family first, religion is a distant second. Couple in that we were invited to a family picnic by our neighbors. Both of their parents insisted on bringing us along. They just love my wife and not for anything in return. They like who she is and enjoy her as a person. Something her parents have never done.

Another few observations. Many people have recently been DF'd or reproved in our area and that has opened up a few conversations about gender bias in JC's, the lack of respect for women in the organization. My favorite line for her at family dinners is "I HAVE SCRIPTURES FOR YOU WOMAN!" To which she'll usually reply "YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR 'SCRIPTURES'?" My mom usually looks uncomfortable, but my dad gets a good laugh.

I forgot the topic, but we were discussing JW spiritual advancement and she commented "Yeah well we're headed in the opposite direction".

Recently I started reading "Seductive Poison" at the recommendation of one of the threads here. So far it's very interesting. My wife told me last night that she started reading it during the day as well. That was interesting. I wonder if she'll be able to see the parallels with witness control techniques.

In all, nothing earth shattering. Just a series of changes and observations that tell me that her eyes are opening now and she's starting to see the org in a different light. I think she's enjoying being appreciated and the burden of guilt that her family and the watchtower heap upon her is being lifted off. She's growing mentally independent and I think she likes how it feels. Even if the WT influence grips her mind again and snaps her back in, she's tasted freedom. She'll be free someday, when she feels comfortable with it herself. I don't mind waiting.

Lady Liberty

Dear Para..,

Wow! That is really wonderful!! She will start having cognicent dissodence in time. Keep up the good work. Sometimes it may be hard to do what your doing, but by not being too pushy it will encourage her to talk with you. Knowing she won't in up in some long knock down fight, will encourage her to open up even more. So again keep up the good work, and please keep us posted!!

Sincerely,

Lady LIberty

BlackSwan of Memphis

Sounds like she's progressing at her own pace. Which is exactly what You want for her.

She needs to come to the conclusions at her own pace and in her own way. Sounds like you are doing quite well with this.

poppers

"Just a series of changes and observations that tell me that her eyes are opening now and she's starting to see the org in a different light."

Good for her, and you as well. It's amazing what you can see when the sun starts coming over the horizon.

zeroday

It took me 28 years to question my faith. If anyone had challanged me I would revert back to the party line and defend it. Your method is excellent, offer support when necessary and let her find her own path. Then and only then will she make the decision to continue or not. As you know mind control is a very difficult thing to break from, it has to come from within. She has already taken steps that 99% of witnesses would never take.

eclipse

I am very happy for you and your wife, Para! Soon she will break free from the chains, it just takes time, but you already know that

Odrade

Very interesting. If you want another book to pique her interest after "Seductive Poison," you might find "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Krakauer a good read. I read it shortly after leaving the WT and found so many correlations it was a little freaky- yet it's about Mormons and one of their break-away cults, thus still "safe."

All around excellent news. My husband and I left together. We faded before we knew what we were doing, though he found out the truth about WT a bit before I did, and leaked information to me until I was read to run with it.

BTW, my parents still talk to me, they were over here yesterday in fact.

38 Years

This looks very, very good. In time, she will get the courage to prepare herself for whatever repercussions she may get from her headstrong parents. She's lucky to have you and your family for support.

TheListener

Associating with disfellowshipped ones can be a major hurdle for someone. Congrats on that.

Someone on this board once told me this (or something very very similar but I'm sure it was more clear when they said it):

If someone goes against their perceived authority figures for external reasons that person will likely bounce back to the rules that once confined them.

However, if that same individual goes against their perceived authority figures because they disagree with something then the authority figures have lost a little power and the all-encompassing authority they held is diminished.

Sounds like your wife is willingly thinking and making her own decisions without any coercion from you. Great.

jgnat

What a wonderful good-news story! I live for moments like this on the board.

Recently though she's been developing a family outside of her parents.

I think this is also an important key. It helps to know she will not be totally alone if she breaks away. Subconciously, she may be testing the waters.

Interesting developments with my wife.

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