SHE'S A JW- I AM NOT, WE WANT TO GET MARRIED (page 2)

BizzyBee

Don't do it. Won't work. Pain will ensue. Great pain. For you.

Guaranteed.

jgnat

I'm a regular Christian and Sunday School Teacher who married a Witness. So it is possible to make it work. But it's been tough. I think your counsellor is right:

Should i go through the motions of studying AGAIN so that I can get baptised and marry this girl I love(i would more then likely stop going to the hall very soon after) We even went to see a pre marriage conselor who told us "that we should never ask some one to change the essence of who they really are".

Here's why we're different.

He never insisted I become a Witness.
We married privately, AGAINST the Elder's advice.
He believes marrying me put his eternal welfare at risk. He weighed the cost, and decided a short time with me was still better than a lifetime without. He made the sacrifice.
I'm through having children. I would never force children to watch the daily religious bickering my hubby and I go through.
He privately adores strong independent women.

By the way, my husband's disobedience cost him five years and counting of elder displeasure. But he was not disfellowshipped.

I advise you to tell this woman you love that you cannot get baptized in bad faith, and you won't get married in a Kingdom Hall. If she's willing to marry you in a civil ceremony and face the displeasure at the hall, fine. Otherwise perhaps she should find herself a nice eligible Witness to marry.

why???

I dont think all hope is lost.. I am/was going through the same thing...im the jw girl with a non-jw boyfriend. He tried to study to see what it was like ...he liked it but then one day said he didnt beleive everything so he stopped studying....that made me really upset and sad and I begged him to just do it for me and he didnt have to beleive it but he stuck to his guns and Now I admire him for that...for not pretending...so i will never try to make him study again....we would have been together 2yrs this july 28 but we have decided to take a break since ...i need to figure out if I still wanna be a witness.(he helped open my eyes to how they can be wrong)....but we are def. hoping to get married in the future once things settle down... If she demands that you change..then I say that you shouldnt but if she is able to look inside herself and accept and respect who you are and you can do the same toward her no matter how you feel about what she believes then it could work out...but you need to really discuss it and be honest with each other....try to slowly open her mind....it will take a while and it will be like a storm of confusion once she realizes how to think differently than JW but stay and help her through it.....

jgnat

I'm happy to hear that you are working through your feelings, why. I hope it all works out for you.

Tatiana

In no way am I making light of your situation, but when I read......

Try this test, take a hammer and bash your thumb as hard as you can if you are not bothered with that then go ahead with your plan. Because the hammer to your thumb will be the least of your pain in the years to come...

I laughed so hard I choked.

btw, I agree.

Dragonlady76

Take the counselors advice to heart, this woman should love youfor who you are, not want she wants or needs you to be.

If you stay with her your life will be miserable.

Good luck.

IP_SEC

Hey ladies good points you make.

Hey cuz, let me tell you I know where you are at. You love her... but something is wrong. This nagging feeling in your gut that you've invested a lot of time and emotion in this thing... but something IS WAY WRONG.

You could study and get baptized, but then you are officially part of an organization that is known to hide and protect pedophiles. NOT REAL GOOD HUH? Not to mention the fact that you are not being true to thine own self.

Whether you get baptized or not you will still always rate atleast second (if not farther down the chain) to her.

NO! IM THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO HER *he yells*

Not really

Consider this little senario: You get married. 3 years later your wife, heaven forbid, is in an accident. She will die without blood transfusion.

icon: "Baby, I need you to live. Our little boy needs you to live. Please! You must take this transfusion"
dubgrl: "Im sorry but I cant, my god says I must die rather than break his law"
icon: "Dont you love me and icon Jr.??? What about all the plans we have"
dubgrl: *weakly* "But the society says...bla bla bla"
icon: "WTBS and Jehovah be damned. I am your husband"

enter two elders over hearing your conversation

eldub1: "You are trying to break dubgrl's faith!" *spouts several scriptures*
eldub2: "icon is the agent of her medical power of attorny! He cannot be trusted"
eldub1: "You are right, we must get her to change this while she is still conscious"
icon: "SHE IS MY WIFE!!"

eldub1 & 2 convence your wife that you will not respect her wishes and you will inflict a blood transfusion on her if she becomes unconscious. dubgrl makes eldub1 her new agent on her MPA form.
Icon exit stage left to raise icon Jr. on his own.

why???

Thanks jgnat. I listened to everyones advice and he felt the same way so now Im just working it out....thanks to you esp. for being there when I needed it...I hope it works at well for all of us here!

carla

Are you ready for half a wife? When you marry a jw that's what you get, half a spouse, if that. Her meetings, field service, district conventions, various dubdoings, study time, etc... will ALWAYS come before you or your new family. Do you really want some pervert old men from NY deciding for you what movies you can watch, books, games, your intimate sex life, your sex life never really being private as the elders can question her at anytime about it and she probably will answer, your wifes clothing & make up choices, your children being allowed to live or die, how your children are raised, etc.. all being delegated by these men? If you object to her time with her other spouse (the jw's) you could be considered a 'spiritual endangerment' to her and she may be encouraged to leave you or kick you out of the house and if children are concerend you may have quite a battle to continue to have a hand in raising them. Of course it will be hard to help or have a relationship with them as they will have been brainwashed with the idea that you are of satan and only going to die at the big A anyway.

Is marriage possible? sure, why start a marriage with those odds if you don't have to? Does she really return your feelings? She knows full well that marriage to a non jw is seriously frowned upon, why then did she pursue this relationship with you? Why waste your time and emotions? Her love is evidently conditional if she is trying to flex her jw muscle already by insisting that you get baptized. Her love should be unconditional, she should love you so much she doesn't care what the cong or her family think of you. She should be ready to be leave her parents and become one with you. Sadly that is not possible in the jw's. Your marriage WILL consist of the elders, cong, and her jw family and you, in that order.

I wish you all the best but please, please research this dangerous and deadly cult before you enter into marriage or have children with the cult.

Anti-Christ

Take the counselors advice to heart, this woman should love youfor who you are, not want she wants or needs you to be.
If you stay with her your life will be miserable.

I totally agree. Ask her if she is ready to stop being a JW for you.

SHE'S A JW- I AM NOT, WE WANT TO GET MARRIED

Share this