HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do? (page 4)

nvrgnbk

If he truly loved you the question would never come up in the first place.

Truth!

Nosferatu

HIS ex wants to get back with HIM and YOU are asking what YOU should do.
WHY would YOU need to DO anything?
This is his decision.

I have to agree with Smiles_Smiles. It's really his decision and unfortunately, you may end up suffering because of it. This is one of the reasons why I normally don't condone dating single parents.

But now he says he's torn because he is in love with me, but he also wants to do what's right for his child.

He's a dumbass if he thinks getting back together with a woman whom he never got along with is "right" for his child. People seem to think that keeping a family together, no matter how horribly the couple get along, is good for a child. The child will be better off if the parents are seperated and happy than if they're together and miserable.

If he takes his ex back, ditch his ass and find yourself a nice guy (there's lots out there) who doesn't have any baggage.

eclipse

This is my perspective....

It seems like he is worried about his child.

He is worried that she will run off with his son that he loves, and that some other man would hurt him. A totally understandble fear.

He feels that if he stays with the mother, he can prevent this from happening, and protect his son.

If he feels that his ex is not a fit mother, then he should document that, or get a professional opinion from a pschologist to evaluate his son and his ex and see if she's a good mother or not...

I know that you are pulled towards him...I understand the scary feeling of losing someone you love.

If you love him, you will let him go, and if he wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to be with you at the same time making sure his son is safe.

Right now, I think he is thinking about his son first, because it's his child, ...I wish you the best!

I don't think that this is about him loving you or not, I think it's about his fear for his son.

Juniper

I don't think that this is about him loving you or not, I think it's about his fear for his son.

Thank you, Eclipse! I'm so glad that someone understands that.

That's been the point of this all. He has told me that he doesn't love her anymore. He's told me that he feels that we have the potential of having a long-lasting, secure relationship...but of course, it's early yet. I believe him. But he also feels that trying to make amends with the ex will sort of 'rein her in' when it comes to her tendency to make quick and unhealthy decisions. She's not an 'unfit' mother in the full sense, but she's disfunctional when it comes to life decisions.

He knows I understand his situation. I was married for 9 years, and spent the last 4 of those years in misery waiting for MY mr. x to come to his senses. I stayed far beyond the point of love simply because of an obligation I felt was there. Of course, now I have no doubts that I didn't do my part to try and make it work...but at the time, when our marriage ended, I still felt like I was to blame.

He feels an obligation to his son, but it's becoming misplaced. His parents had difficulties raising him separately, and I think he is sensitive because of that. He's a good man. But like me, his sense of obligation is outreaching what is reasonable.

I hope he can see that, but it's not my place to make him see it.

diamondblue1974

NVR just for you

alt

Gary

Life Is Grand

He will be a much better father to his child if he is involved in a healthy and happy stable relationship. It makes no sense to go back to someone that you had a bad relationship with in the past-nobody wins in that case(especially the child)-because guaranteed the ex hasn't turned over a new leaf!!!

Don't lower yourself to begging him to pick you over her...be the mature one-tell him that it's his decision to make, and to let you know when he figures it out. But also, as someone else said, don't wait around forever while he decides what he wants--after a reasonable length of time, if he can't figure it out-you're better off letting him go.

Good luck!

LIG

lonelysheep

There's nothing wrong with being his friend, though.

nvrgnbk

There's nothing wrong with being his friend, though.

doing anything rash
That's a good point Quandry, he could give her a nasty rash.

You still want to watch out for that rash.

gabriella

If you love him, I'd say be a good friend (stay in his life) and give him reasonable time to make his decision. If you are not crazy about him, I would tell him it is too much drama and bid him farewell and you could have some peace back in your life. I am not sure that I could do well with the "baby momma drama" myself in your shoes. Ex-girlfriends are one thing, usually they eventually leave you alone. When they also have a child/children to hold over the guy's head, feel like they still have a say in his life, and he has to keep in touch all the time that's another story. I'm sure if I had kids myself I would feel differently, but I've known women who have admitted to having a child/ or even more than one to "keep him at home" or save their marriage. It just makes me sick because that's not a good reason to have a baby (to save a doomed relationship). I wish you the best and I hope whatever he decides he chooses with his heart. Gabriella

Snoozy

I didn't read all the answers but it sounds to me like he needs a "Time Out".

Usually when someone has a big decision to make they should get away from both parties and straighten out their brain.That way they will be responsible for any decision they make.They also won't be influenced by either party.

If his X is just getting out of a relationship she also needs some time to clear her head. It sounds like she just wants someone with her and he is the lesser of two evils right now. She didn't want him before..why should things have changed that much with her? Hopefully he will think things out and realize he shouldn't act hastily. It doesn't sound like his X is thinking too clearly now either. She needs to take some time and think out just what she really wants...after all..she has failed twice so far..He better look before he leaps..thing is you don't want to push him either way..Why not suggest he take some time alone to think about it.

Snoozy..

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

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