growing emotionally :)

Missanna

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much i've changed over the last year. i've only been out of the borg for a year but i've changed so much. my father called me the other day and told me that he found out that my husband has been going on these xjw boards and wanted to know how i felt about it. It was so funny to me. it was the day after 4th of july i was hung over and talking to my dad. which is NOT a good combination. but i was surprizingly calm. I told him the truth. i said dad i know about it and i'm doing the same thing. i actually got to tell him that i don't believe that the witnesses have the truth. which resulted in him telling me the family is going to cut off association from me... which really made me laugh. they haven't called me for so long even to ask how im doing. the only time i hear from my mom is when something bad is happening. now before i would have been a stupid coward and tried avoiding the subject at all cost and get into a huge argument with him but i stayed calm and i was honest. it just made me realize how much i've changed. i know that has a lot to do with my age... because i don't have that much experience but it proves that i've grown emotionally. a year ago if this would have happened i would have been crying in a corner afterward because i was such a disappointment to my family. now i feel like i have a right to live my life the way i want to, to be who i want to, and to believe the way i want to. that's an amazing feeling. My father hasn't called since. He wanted to know why i didn't believe that it was the truth and surprizingly i didn't go off on a rampage but calmly told him that it was something i didn't want to discuss with him at this point. that was something i tried in the past but failed miserably. lol but i'm very proud of myself. i hope that a year from now i can say that i've grown even more. Finally i am starting to feel comfortable with my life. i've been happy this past year but not completely comfortable with my emotions. thanks for letting me ramble on like that.

bikerchic

That's awesome! You should feel very proud of yourself for taking a stand for what you believe and not cowering or getting upset while doing it. True growth and it also has to be something your Father recognized in you as well even if he never says it to you.

Missanna

i hope so. thanks bikerchic. i'm going up to see my nephew in October and don't really know how things are going to go. I need to know how to stay strong the way i did when i was on the phone. what if i can't do that ya know? what if i can't talk to them face to face? if my parents even show up.

bikerchic

Keep the conversation lively and away from touchy subjects. What you did here was perfect and you can do this face to face:

He wanted to know why i didn't believe that it was the truth and surprizingly i didn't go off on a rampage but calmly told him that it was something i didn't want to discuss with him at this point. that was something i tried in the past but failed miserably. lol but i'm very proud of myself.

You don't have to discuss things with them, period. Remember the feeling you got after you spoke to your Father how proud you were of yourself, hang onto that feeling if anything uncomfortable comes up, keep the feeling then pause, think before you speak and you'll say the right thing.

Also set a time limit in other words don't stay too long and don't drink alcoholic beverages it loosens the tongue! LOL Be prepared, rehearse in advance anything which you can imagine coming up in conversation and how you will answer or not answer! You have a long time between now and October to prepare.

I hope it goes well it would be a shame to miss out on seeing your nephew grow up!

monophonic

congrads....i wish i was as smart as you @ 19.

Mysterious

These lyrics might mean something to you then from Linkin Park's Numb (I highly recommend the song and the video) I have "NUMB" tattooed on my lower back for this very reason.

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

student1

Me too!! I wish i was as strong as you at 19!

Your post touched my heart because I used to feel sad at disapointing my family and friends infact that fear kept me in place for way too long!

Also the calm way you handled it was brilliant, I have lost control of situations where I could have given a good explanation of myself had I been able to stay calm!

Welldone Babe - I love reading posts like yours. I am a recent fader (have not been to meetings for 3 months now!). The bonds of the jdub club on my mind are loosening all of the time. But I remain scared of getting disfellowshipped. However the reality of the situation is that, I have already been cut off by my parents. The fear of disfellowshipping is related to a fear of my parents being disapointed in me! Which i wish to overcome! x

Mrs Smith

Well done Miss Anna. I often think about you. I was also married at 19 so I feel a connection with you. Wish I had left the JW at that age. It's wonderful when you can look back and see your own personal growth. It's something you don't get as a JW cause you're never good enough and always feel like you need to do more. I had a few years like that of late. Looking back and seeing how I've become more comfortable within my own skin.

xxx

LeslieV

wow you are only 19 years old? You should be very proud of yourself...most of us here did not see the JW religion as a cult until we had put many, many years into it. Good for you...go live your life the way you want to, not a life defined by what you are told to do.

Leslie

poppers

Good for you, Missanna. With clarity of perception comes emotional growth.

growing emotionally :)

Share this