When you have a problem.... (page 2)

Open mind

LOL @ Warlock!

Hey brother, we could really use people like you. Have you considered "reaching out"?

Open Mind

bikerchic

Who do you turn to? 1.Do you go to your spouse? 2.What if the problem IS with your spouse, 3.do you talk to your parents, siblings, work associates, 4.doctor? 5. What if the problem is with your kids? 6.And the person you would normally go to is your spouse, but you disagree on how to handle the problem, then what?

Oh man lesson learned by me the hard way......what I'm about to tell you is opposite of what I did for years as a miserable married person and by the time I realized what a mistake I had been making it was too late the damage was done. So here goes lesson from the (hopefully) wiser, actually I can say wiser because in my new marriage (hope you caught that) I practice what I preach here:

1. Yes you go to your spouse, if you can't discuss every day problems minor or major with the person you share spit with whom can you talk to?

2. Refer to #1.

3. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER betray confidences, habits, annoyances, problems of any sort with family members or work mates not even your best girlfriend, it breaks the trust in the relationship. It's always one sided and think of how you would feel (betrayed) if your spouse did this to you! Beside as things go you usually patch things up with spouse and now your family members, friends and work mates know things about your spouse which will be very hard for them to forgive and forget. That is just wrong and a betrayal of the trust of the union! It's also wrong to burden other people with your problems when they have no power to make the change only the one you have the problem with has that power so the burden belongs soley to them to fix. Then they are just left knowing crapy stuff about you and your mate, sucks all around.

4. Doctor, yes! Professional help is the only person you should seek advise from, hopefully with your spouse along side.

5. Refer to #1. As a marital unit you should work together and find a common ground to solve problems for the good of the child involved. Too many times you are involved in a power struggle of I'm right you're wrong and guess who suffers, the child. It's not about who is right it's about working together to solve a problem with a win/win outcome. Get over yourself, you (ME) are usually the biggest problem.

6. Refer to #5.

I hope this helps I know it's a far greater feeling for me knowing the person I love most in the world who sometimes irritates me the most in the world is the person I can talk to about every thing under the sun and there are no judgements but an honest effort to be loving and considerate of each other.

RollerDave

As I read through the posts, I was formulating my answer, figured I'd use numbered points, knew what I'd say, yeah, this will be a good one...

Then I read that bikerchic already wrote it!

AWESOME!

I'd like to emphasise that if I have a prob with my beck, going running to others isn't going to solve it, only going to beck will do the trick.

I've never betrayed my beck's confidence, and I won't tolerate my own being betrayed.

We don't have kids together, but we raised my daughter together and there were a few times we had to 'retire to chambers' for discussion before handing down a unified verdict.

We never let the sun set with us in a provoked state, discuss, discuss, discuss!

I'm lucky, I suppose that my beck and I are basically reasonable people capable of rationally discussing things and arriving at an agreement. But if she weren't, I would never have cohabited with her.

Roller (of the 'reasonable' sheep class)

crazyblondeb

Problems? Who has time for problems?
More, more, more!!!!!
Warlock

YOU are a problem, all by itself!!

shell (LMAO)

aligot ripounsous

Starting point for any reflection, there're no problems, only solutions.

For important pbs, I walk around in the lounge like an animal, late at night, when all family members are in bed. If necessary, the concern will wake me up in the small hours for me to think over it and I 'll only go back to sleep when a seemingly satisfactory solution has been reached. Then, I talk to my wife to see how my ideas hold when expressed and how the solution passes the test, and that's were the process of exchange starts. Which makes my wife say that I submit my ideas to her inasmuch as I've already made up my mind. That's absolutely untrue, I put great store on her opinion and, in an actual fact, I side with her most of the time.

Anony-Mouse

I have no spouse or kids, but I can still answer the ones that apply to me!

Any problems I have, I always talk to my freinds. They make me feel better about it.

I don't really think I'm burdening them...I'm happy when they discuss thier problems with me, and we all do our best to help each other.

animal

Hey Lisa-baby.. you know I have big shoulders for ya.

Men and women deal with problems differently. I, and most men, handle it immedietly. No muss, no fuss, problem solved... or at least tackled. Women will tend to bottle it all up till an explosion point is met, days or weeks or months later. Am I right, generally speaking?

What I will do, if I have an issue about something, is ask people questions, people that I trust. I have one guy out here that I work with and hang with and we discuss all sorts of issues, even imaginary ones. We solve the worlds problems daily, and maybe our own inadvertantly.

I dont let on that anything is bothering me with the wife.... no need to burden her with my shit. If she has probs, she tells me and I tell her to quit being a baby (hahahaha... kidding). I ask her questions when she has something going on, so she finds her own answers. It works pretty good.

The kids are kids.... but SO FAR, they take my advice and have few problems that they tell me about. Key words are "tell me about".

I get lots of messages on the net asking my opinion... I shoot from the hip generally and keep the secrets that need kept. This keeps me on "retainer" for a few.

Animal

DJK

I find a quiet space, turn on some music and work it out myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwkZyNbwRfI

jaguarbass

I google it. This is the information age. And then I can take my time and reason on the answers.

lisavegas420

Hello to all...and thank you all for answering.

I feel pretty good that I seem to handle my problems the way most do. I try to figure it out for myself, going to my husband to discuss. This is easy for me, since he is my bff. Sometimes, he says I think too much, and some of my questions don't have answers. ...but he does listen and trys to understand.

I find if something is bothering me, I either can't sleep or I sleep too much.

Funny that Animal should answer.... for two reasons. I would and have instant messaged him if I had a questions about something.

The other thing that recently happened, is a girlfriend called me all upset because her husband went to lunch with two work associates...both women. My girlfriends husband, and one of the girls had motercycles and were going to ride to the restrauant. The second girl rode on the back of her husbands bike and my friend was really upset when she found out and called me for advise. I said...what's the big deal. They rode to lunch together. She thought the second girl should have either rode the girls bike or took her own car. I thought the idea was silly and told her so.

Thank you all again.

lisa

When you have a problem....

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