For 28 years I believed in paradise earth. It was my life. I DA'ed myself 3 years ago and with that I my life as I knew it ended. I look back at the friends in the congregations I knew and see them waiting and hoping for the same thing. I know their lives are over I know they will never see the fullment of their dreams. But they wait in eager antipication of their reward and yet their is no reward...I have not let go of the past, 3 years later I have not moved on to a "Life" I don't know if I ever will. That was my life for my entire adult life. To move on was never an option. The feeling of hopelessness is boundless. I really am not asking for sympathy responses I just wonder if others are as I that just can not go back and can not let go...
Living forever in paradise earth...
by zeroday 15 Replies latest jw friends
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zack
It took me a while to "let go"; I have not taken the steps you have (of DA'ing) etc.... I live my life today. I plan prudently for tomorrow but am not anxious. I have made peace with the fact that I will grow old and die. After that, who knows?
Good luck to you, friend. Do the things you want to do NOW. Today. Do not wait. Learna new language. Make a new friend. Smile more. Hold the door open for a stranger. Buy a lottery ticket. Go scuba diving. Jump from a plane. Ride a horse. LIVE! Don't let the lies defeat you. You're free!
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Hortensia
that feeling goes away after a while. It's pretty depressing, you have to fight it by getting out and doing something interesting so you can meet other people.
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Arthur
The paradise earth concept is incredibly seductive. It is the answer to all problems, strife, frustrations, and sorrows. Looking back now, I wonder how a person who responded favorably to this "expanded upon" gospel message can necessarily be classified as more "sheep like" or "righteous hearted". Does the desire to live in problem-free paradisaic conditions require any deeper love of God or any higher level of spirituality? When I was a Witness, I seemed to think so.
The Watchtower’s version of paradise is something that is appealing to a JW of any age. When I was a child, I was always told how I would be able to play with lions, tigers, and that I could have a huge paradise-like backyard. I wouldn’t have to worry about being kidnapped. All I had to do to earn this "reward" was "serve Jehovah" faithfully (i.e. serve the Watchtower organization dutifully).
When I got older, the appeal of this "reward" was not having to deal with stressful jobs, jerk bosses, mortgages, bills, and of course, seeing loved ones again in the resurrection. Many of the WT articles and publications regarding the paradise look like Hawaiian travel brochures. The focus of the message is on the physical / tangible appeals. When this desire for a problem-free world is ingrained, I found that I simply resented all problems instead of looking for the ways in which maybe I needed to grow as a person. Instead of attempting to work through many issues, I simply hoped that the "end" would come soon, so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. If a person is successful in keeping themselves from "independent thinking" or the "seeds of doubt", they can carry on this kind of charade for decades. The longer a person spends in this mental marry-go-round, the harder it becomes to "cut ones losses" and give up the illusion.
I think Ray Franz did an excellent job in discussing the problems that are created when the Witness community has been promised that this "reward" is just around the corner. In his book In Search of Christian Freedom, he wrote an entire chapter on this. He discussed how many Witnesses had never really developed the mindset necessary for dealing with long-term problems and for preparing for long-term needs (i.e. retirement, education). The organization seems to brush off the need to prepare for long-term needs, and continuously applauds those who have forgone college. The run-up to 1975 is a perfect example.
A major problem with the paradise earth being a central part of the preaching message, is that it is an "expanded upon" gospel message that is significantly different from what Jesus and the apostles preached. The central message of the apostles (particularly Paul) was coming in union with Christ Jesus, and the forgiveness of sins though faith in his ransom sacrifice.
The Watchtower’s version focuses on earning a "reward" by serving in an organization (by which all of those outside such an organization cannot attain salvation). The NT does not teach that organizational membership is a pre-requisite for salvation. This concept of organizational salvation is completely absent from the Bible. But, the average Witness has been so conditioned to believe that salvation (and their everlasting reward) is conditional upon remaining inside an organization, that they find themselves asking: "Where else would we go?"
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heathen
Let's see if I get this right, you don't want to leave a cult that lied to you made you into some sort of zombie for a book publishing corporation? According to them you should have been in paradise a long time ago , say about 1975. Then they changed it to a spiritual paradise on earth just to make it look as if they didn't lie about it. I understand it could be hard to say goodbye to friends but I never considered a j-w a true friend since the ones I've known are complete louses and don't deserve the title.
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changeling
I'm curious as to the source of your hopelessness. Is it because there is no paradise earth to look forward too? Well, you know it's not real. You know those who cling to the notion will be dissapointed, so, you are better of then them already.
Try to make each day a good day. Enjoy what life has to offer you. Be gratefull for what life has already given you (family, good job, health, freedom from the lies you were taught...). Make short term goals: a vacation, a night on the town, visit with a friend...
Don't cry over the years lost (many of us lost a lot more than you), make the years you have left the best part of your life.
Just because there is no happily ever after, doesn't mean there is no future. We may not have eternity but we can and should be happy now, and for the rest of our lives!
changeling
P.S. They took 28 years from you, don't give them another second. Being happy is the best revenge.
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nvrgnbk
I feel your pain zeroday.
I was born and raised JW, 4th gen.
Advanced to upper levels of the organization.
I had some doubts, but basically believed it.
I now doubt I'll ever be fully "right".
I do wish to cause the fu*king liars in charge of the WT organization some discomfort.
I also get some enjoyment out of life, coupled with a plate full of awareness of the futility of it all.
Hang in there.
There is beauty. There is love. There is oneness.
It's not all bad.
At least now you have a chance at a clear vision of reality.
My heartfelt best to you,
Nate
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WTWizard
This is how I saw through the Paradise bulls***:
I examined the trend that was developing within the Witless life I was living. How often they tell me that the a$$emblies are a foreglimmer of the new order. Then when all the sisters rejected me consistently at those a$$emblies, they tell me that it will not be that way in the new order (a blatant lie, since they just said from the platform that these a$$emblies were a foretaste of that new order) and that the a$$emblies' purpose was to learn about God. So I am going to live forever learning about a God that doesn't want me to fully enjoy life.
Next, I looked at what would happen if I got in the new order and what they said would happen (that the sisters would get destroyed or driven out for rejecting me). That would leave a world full of just men. I would have to live with this forever, not just for 80 or 90 years. Worse than this pukey thought, I would realize that it was entirely my doing. And this is not the kind of life I want. I decided at that time that I might as well go ahead and risk getting destroyed by not obeying the organization. I ended up getting some of the filthiest rap on the planet, a Ouija board, enough Christmas decorations to decorate the whole apartment (and hopefully then some), and looking at every halfway decent apostate Web site I could come across (plus purchasing Crisis of Conscience). I knew that I would get destroyed for it, but it was either that or live this pukey life forever. I chose death instead of this drudgery.
As for the "friends", most are phony. There might be one family in the whole organization that was worth anything meaningful, and the hounders took that away from me. Some of them, whom I thought would help me out on this issue, turned out to be self-fulfilling scumbags that only wanted me for themselves or to carry out the will of the cult. I look back to those times where I actually spent time with such people, and that is more of a puke alert plus depression than all the Craptower magazines put together (at least I can rebut those.) And just the thought of actually having to visit those people one more time would be worse than the thought of a whole month to six weeks of Christmas songs ever was. It was all so boring, and not worth the time. (Incidently, they tried using late-60s music to entice me. Little did they know that I knew the source of that music was the radio and I had access to it, and I have a zillion other sources for the same music that they don't have plus all the "bad" songs.)
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heathen
I agree with WTWizard , it's like the nazi germany gustapo , they are nice to you as long as you hail the WTBTS , you say anything other than what's in print and they will put you down real quick . It happened to me and I'm still looking for answers about the behaviour of these people and motives , I was only a book study and they got very rude and disrespectful in an attempt to make me feel out of place and like I had done some very severe wrong , it was really disgusting how they treated me , to this day they'd probly lie to my face about it rather than confess and give the truth. I have found alot of answers on this site from old timers to see that it is an epidemic and not just an isolated incidence. They do want to appear more pious and morally superior in front of leaders and don't care how they do it . Even the mind f@#$ I took for six lousy months has effected my attitude and life . I don't even believe that they have the message correct as far as salvation . The good news is about the kingdom of the heavens and being transformed into a spirit to inherit it whenever christ begins his millenial reign , the paradise earth happens after the millenial reign.IMO
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Quandry
Zeroday
I have not let go of the past, 3 years later I have not moved on to a "Life" I don't know if I ever will. That was my life for my entire adult life. To move on was never an option. The feeling of hopelessness is boundless. I really am not asking for sympathy responses I just wonder if others are as I that just can not go back and can not let go...
Please be assured that your feelings are shared by many. I too loved the thought of paradise on earth. All the things I love-animals, beautiful mountains, plants, the ocean, laughing with friends-these are the things that kept me going for so long.
Oh, yes, I didn't have to worry about making or investing money for the future-my future was a beautiful paradise! somehow this lulled me for over thirty years!! Now, my husband and I feel like Rip Van Winkle, the character who slept for twenty years and then awoke.
When reality sets in, and you find that you are close to retirement age with NO RETIREMENT MONEY, and low paying jobs due to lack of education, what then?
Yes, hopelessness. But I am "waking up" like Van Winkle, and getting back into the game. Yes, it is hard at 55 years old to have no friends (yes, I count you all here as friends but not in physical proximity) no money, and to have to go to college with very young people to get the education to do something that will earn more money so that we won't have to live under some bridge in a few years is disheartening.
I do not know if there will ever be a paradise on earth. I still would love to think there will be. I love the planet and am a definite "tree hugger" concerned with ecological issues.
I hope that you will "get into the game" and decide to have a life. Why not? We have been given the gift of life just like everyone else!!!
I find enjoyment now in little things. I have time now to examine flowers, bugs, lizards, plants, etc. in a way that I did not when rushing to meetings and service.
I hope that you find something that you enjoy and start living again!
P.M. me if you want to talk further!!!