Saturday afternoon I made the decision to step down as a minsterial servant. I had given it a lot of thought and I came to the conclusion that I would be doing the right thing. I told my wife about the decision I had planned on making and that basically killed her mood for the rest of the day. Since she did'nt seem interested in talking to me much at that time I went to hang out with one of my friends for the remainder of the day. (he's an inactive witness)
Anyway I got back home later that day to find my wife sitting in our bedroom with all the lights out. She told me she had spoken with her sister about my decision, to make a long story short I ended talking to her sister that night for about 4 hours. We talked about why I felt the WTS was'nt really God's true organization and she basically countered with reasons why it is God's org.
I ended up hanging up the phone half believing and not believing I was in the right org. The next morning I told my wife I was'nt going to the Kingdom Hall. Instead I stayed home and prayed to God and asked him to show me the right direction to go into even if that direction was'nt the one I was expecting. I then thought about my situation some more and it occured to me that if was to really find the truth I would have to have a more unbiased opinion.
It really makes sense that when you're trying to decide what to do that you should'nt be to persuaded by one particular viewpoint. One the one hand the WTS does'nt really want you to read anything thats not published by them when it comes to studying the bible and the other hand you have some individuals who really hate JW's and they will say anything to convince people to leave.
So the question I'm still facing is what information can I refer to make a well informed decision?
Later that evening (Sunday) I received a call from my PO. I had earlier asked my wife to ask him to give me a call. I had originally intended on telling him that I was stepping down. Instead I was completely honest about the doubts I had been experiencing. I felt that I could trust him because his wife has always treated me like one of her sons and he himself is normally very warm to my wife and I.
Anyway we had a conversation about what I was going through and he gave some reasons as to why JW's was the true religion. This conversation would make the third one I had with elders. The thing that bothers me is that in each of these little talks the elders all questioned as to why I was having doubts. They all asked me what could I be possibly be doing to have these doubts. This really annoys me, a person sincerely is looking to know whats right but instead of getting reassurance I first had to be almost accused of doing wrong.
Like I mentioned before I usually get along with the PO but after that phone call I felt like I had done something wrong because I had doubts. I was actually criticized for wanting to be sure of what I was doing was the right thing. This is in addition to the other converstations that I had where they said I was hurting my wife (as if I intentionally was trying to have doubts). In fact I've already been looked at by her family suspiciously. Its almost if some of them believe I'm trying to do something evil.
At the moment I've decided to stay, which is basically moreso because of the peer pressure. But in the meantime I'm studying and trying to figure things out.
I just had to get that off my chest, thanks for listening (or reading in this case)