To deconstruct the JW rationale surrounding birthdays, a few simple guidelines should be followed.
(1): Don't waste any energy trying to convince a JW that birthdays are not pagan, if they suggest that, readily agree. Whether or not the celebrations are pagan turns out to be a non-issue that distracts from the main point.
(2): Stay focused on the fact that JWs disfellowship people for celebrating birthdays.
(3): Stress the point that there should always be clear Scriptural reason for disfellowshipping someone. Ask them often throughout the discussion whether this is the case, get them to reinforce this need to themselves.
(4): Remember, the first goal is deconstructing their rationale, not giving them a new rationale, not convincing them that celebrating birthdays is a good thing.
Once you have these well in mind, the deconstruction can begin.
JW Rationale, in brief:
- Birthdays are pagan. Concede the point; it becomes irrelevant later.
- Only two birthdays are ever mentioned in the Bible. Probably not true, because it seems Job's sons each celebrated "his day" (<--- which raises the question of which day would be specific to each individual son, if not birthday). Either way, concede the point, it quickly becomes irrelevant.
- On both birthdays, someone died. They believe this is a negative thing and, therefore, God must not approve of birthdays.
The third bullet is the ENTIRE Scriptural "basis" for disfellowshipping people who celebrate birthdays.
Begin by deconstructing this "basis." It is easy. The cupbearer and the baker of Pharoah each dreamed a dream. Joseph interpreted the dreams by the power of God. He told the cupbearer he would be restored to his former position. He told the baker he would die. We don't know why either were imprisoned to begin with.
On Pharoah's birthday, the baker died while the cupbearer was restored to his former position, thus proving to the cupbearer that Joseph had the God-given ability to interpret dreams. Later, when Pharoah had a dream he couldn't understand the cupbearer remebered Joseph. He wouldn't have mentioned Joseph if either of Joseph's interpretations did not come true.
Because of the baker dying, according to the interpretation given by God, Joseph was able to spare Abraham's family line from extinction by preserving them from the seven years of famine.
Is fulfillment of prophecy a negative thing, or a positive thing? God fulfilled Joseph's prophetic dream interpretation on Pharoah's birthday. Jehovah's Witnesses have the audacity to call this fulfillment a bad thing.
Once you have used this point, THEN ask them whether Romans was written only to former Jews or whether it was also written to former pagan Gentiles. Turn to Romans 14:1-18 in the NWT and ask them to read it. Encourage them to explain how they Scripturally justify disfellowshipping people over the observance of birthdays when Paul specifically said not to judge anyone over the observance of days.
They have no answer. There is no defense for disfellowshipping "unrepentant" birthday celebrants, birthday celebrants haven't Scripturally done anything to repent of.
I hope this helps someone who can still talk with their family members.
—AuldSoul