Faith?

Core88

Hi, everyone. I think of you all allot for the helpful thoughts, and comments that you sent my way this past week. I think one of my problems is that now that I don't have the routine of going to the meetings and feeling my head with the Watchtower and Awake, I seem to have little faith in anything now....I don't feel like I "know" god anymore. Every time I have gone to another Church I just don't seem to fit in and feel "at home" like I used to at my old Kingdom Hall. When I was a MS and a pioneer in my late teens I really felt special and important. And now that all that is gone, and I don't have that support, I get lost in my own thought and feelings I am quit selfish, and I don't any longer see why I should not just go with that, and at the same time I don't feel comfortable with that kind of attitude in my life. I have started to smoke and I feel bad about that too, not just because it was something I was told to hate as a witness, but also because my "worldly" mate hates me doing it. I don't think I had the rebel kind of attitude as a witness teen and now it seem like here as a 26 yr. old man with a SON I am going through that. It's like Life has just shown it's self to me in the last 3 years by hitting me up side the face with a brink and saying: "LOOK! This is what life is like WAKE UP F##@er!!!"...and I struggle with weather or not I really want to face the "real world". I am always scared and immobilized by the events of the last few years since my "spiritual" breaking point? So how are you all doing, do most of you retain faith and if so how do you do it? Core

nvrgnbk

I have no faith.

I've chosen to live a reality-based existence, convenient or not.

It's easier having someone tell you what to do and what to think.

To attempt to exist free from dogma is a challenging and admittedly unnerving approach to life.

But reality, right here, right now, is the place to be.

Arthur

Hi Core88:

You sound very much like me when I first began to question my belief in the Watchtower. When I first left the organization, I felt like I was in free-fall. For a while, I lost all hope and didn't want to live anymore. That's about all I'll say here. I'll be sending you a PM shortly.

R.F.

When I was a MS and a pioneer in my late teens I really felt special and important. And now that all that is gone, and I don't have that support, I get lost in my own thought and feelings I am quit selfish, and I don't any longer see why I should not just go with that, and at the same time I don't feel comfortable with that kind of attitude in my life.

I've been feeling that same way. In fact, I almost made a thread earlier about the same thing. Being so young im kinda torn over the part of giving this those responsibilities.

As far as faith goes, I must say that my faith is the strongest it has ever been. I've begun to rely more on God than in an organization. Relying more on God has led me to begin learning how to be guided by Him, but at the same time accepting the responsibility to face everyday things in the "real world". It's like i'm just now beginning to grow up after being led step by step as an infant by mother Borg. Being guided by God to me has meant knowing His ways and personality according to the Bible, approaching Him in regular prayer, and just watching how things turn out. It seems to be working for me so far.

R.F.

SWALKER

My faith has changed. I find that I don't worry about the big "A"...it hardly ever crosses my mind!!! The churches might preach "hellfire" but the JW's preach Armageddon! I really do feel that people have to find their own and come to their own conclusions. I did a lot of research when I first left and that just led to my realizing how much I had been lied to. All the research kept me busy which was a plus...I transfered all my meeting/service preparation with personal study. Have you Ray Franz' book? If not, I strongly suggest you do...it will free you from a lot of guilt that you may be experiencing. You really seem to be carrying a ton of it on your shoulders....

Swalker

Core88

Thanks for your thought R.F. I just think that after awhile of that I have stopped listening to God and now I want "more" as it were. A bit like Anikin Skywalker in episode 3 of Star Wars...you know like I want more..and I know I shouldn't. Corey

Core88

Well well well...Swalker ah? Another fan of Star Wars here on the board, cool! Yes I bought Ray Franz book last year and read it as well as another book by a woman who left the society, the title of which escapes me atm, and yeah it sounds like we have done the same thing. I too have done countless hours of reading and learning since leaving the Org. and know it just seems like my studying has not lead me anywhere...I just don't know what to believe in anymore, I have spent hours looking at Islam, going to the local mosque for Friday prayers, and studying the Qua ran. They are very strict and not very reasonable and yet upon going to other Church's like the catholic Church I see the same thing, a very rule oriented organized power center and and I feel as if my individuality is under attack in these places as well as in the "Truth" and yet I don't want to give up my hope in God as a number of other ones I know and hang out with have done. Just fucking confused thats all. Corey

R.F.

What do you mean exactly when you say "you want more"?

Scully

Hi Core88 - glad to see you're still with us.

Sometimes when we think we need the "routine" and so-called "affirmation" we used to get by going to the Kingdom Hall, we have to find other ways of filling that need.

You may just be able to fill those needs by taking some classes or joining a club that has activities that interest you. Lots of people do that to meet new people who have something in common with them, without having to belong to the same church or belief system.

I loved going to school again after we stopped going to the Kingdom Hall. The routine kept me too busy to notice that I was missing the meetings (missing them by being absent, not emotionally or mentally), and being successful and making new friends provided the boost to my self-esteem that I needed.

Maybe they'll do the same for you too.

Good luck!

nvrgnbk

Why don't you want to give up your hope in God, Core88?

Is that "hope" serving you well?

What is such "hope" based on anyway?

I know the answers to such questions can be frightening and overwhelming, but they can also be liberating.

Best wishes,

nvrgnbk

Faith?

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