What do you think about disassociating?

by esw1966 20 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  esw1966

  I have left my old congregation 2 years ago. I have left jw teaching 1 1/2 years. I like being true to my beliefs. I considered myself da'd, but I thought I would hold out until there was no hope for my father, sister, and 3 daughters. I am feeling more and more that I can be of no help to them. So, as they want nothing to do with me, I am beginning to question if I should da myself soon. I held off thinking my relatives could talk to me easier thinking I was just df'd and not da'd.

  What are the pro's and con's of da'g? I think I will feel better for it if I da'd. But then I feel as if I am in a worse position to help them. (As I said, it doesn't seem as if I am of much help to them now.)

  Your comments on disassociating oneself would be appreciated. Thanks!

  Ethan
• 

  Gopher

  Pro - it's a clean break from the organization. Nobody will bother you much about "coming back to the truth". There will be no unwanted shepherding calls.

  Con - You're allowing the organization to label you. You're already free of them, and the split in your family has already occurred. They already have DF'd you in their mind. So what really is to be gained by DA'ing.

  It sounds like you're in a good place, you've moved on. Maybe there's no need to reach back and get the JW official seal of disapproval.
• 

  WTWizard

  As many posts suggest, there are consequences of disassociating. Some of these are good (no more hounding, getting to move on, and feeling free to no longer be part of that disgusting organization). Some are not so good (getting cut off from family members that are still in, possible job and apartment loss for those with Witless bosses or landlords, and loss of any "friends" you might have in the organization). The threat of dying at Armageddon should send one to do actual research to get actual probabilities, but I don't see that happening any time soon (there are plenty of false dates that suggest that Armageddon was imminent, but nothing happened).

  What each individual needs to do is weigh the total costs of remaining technically a member of that organization, against the costs of leaving with a disassociation letter. The more honest you are about doing that, the better the chances of making the right decision. If, for you, the costs are higher to stay, then by all means write up that letter! If the costs are higher to leave, then you are better off just going inactive.
• 

  B_Deserter

  DAing used to be good for people who let the congregation know that they were leaving the congregation of their own accord, and not because they had sex with someone or took drugs. Unfortunately, now that the announcement makes no such distinction, there's very little reason now. On the one hand, making a clean break is good, but it also cuts you off from what may be your only friends and/or relatives. Fading is a great alternative sometimes because it is now official policy not to go after those who stop living the li(f)e and don't try to associate with the congregation. Even though technically this makes someone disassociated, Witnesses don't seem to apply the "no talking" rule as much to this situation, and many of them will at least have civil conversation with you.
• 

  jgnat

  I don't take a stand either way, but I do present the argument of those who are against official disassociating. Think about a person who leaves any other sort of religion. Are they required to officially terminate their membership? No. They simply start going to another church, or stop going anywhere at all. There may be a pastoral call, but there are no rosters to update, no announcement to the congregation, no consequences to family and old friendships.

  So why does the society have an "official" DF and DA procedure? For control, of course. The elders are then required to fill in a form and forward it to headquarters. They may visit you to get the "reason". Again, why would they care for the reason, if this was a truly free religion?

  I think also that the DA statistics are used by the society to "prove" that people are free to leave the organization.

  esw1966, I think you are frustrated to speak from your heart. This is coming out first in your attempts to talk to your loved-ones, and now you are considering telling your old elders why you have left the religion. Both audiences are geared to ignore you. Have you considered perhaps starting a blog that curious JW's may stumble on to, or perhaps speaking at local churches on the dangers of the Jehovah's Witnesses? You at least then would be expressing yourself to an attentive audience.
• 

  slimboyfat

  I think also that the DA statistics are used by the society to "prove" that people are free to leave the organization.

  What DA statistics? Are these secret ones: I don't know of any public statistics for this. And who is it that is referred to them, government agencies or something, is that what you have in mind? It all seems rather far fetched to me.

  But I agree with you DAing is not a good idea.

  Slim
• 

  greendawn

  I can't see the difference, once you decided to leave the dubs and being there is of no use to anyone whether you DS or get DFed it is to all practical intends and purposes the same thing. In my view DAing is better since you are telling them to their face that you disapprove of them.

  Some ex dubs on exiting also put a notice in a local newspaper that they no longer wish to be known as JWs, don't want any conection with blood ban deaths, JW induced suicides and the like.
• 

  Scully

  I have considered it too, but then I am reminded that DAing is the WTS's rule. I do not recognize their claim of authority over me, so I do not feel obliged to submit to their rules.

  It's that simple.
• 

  PrimateDave

  I haven't read the other replies, yet. I will just give my experience for what it is worth.
  
  I DA'd myself last year by simply telling the PO in the congregation that I didn't want to be a JW anymore. I didn't give any reasons. I told him that it was not due to any problem with any individual(s) in the local congregation. At first I was going to write a short letter, but now I could care less.
  
  I then emailed my family and told them that I no longer considered myself one of JWs (I've been one all my life.). I made a point of saying that my decision was not negotiable. There was nothing to talk about to change my mind. Discussion was out of the question unless they were willing to read from my reading list that I gave them.
  
  I also said that I knew I could be shunned, but that tactic wasn't going to work on me. Besides, I said, I could have pretended to be one of JWs. How honest would that be? Wouldn't they rather that I be honest with them, instead of lying to them constantly? No, I respected them too much for that.
  
  Well, they still call and email. I'm glad for that. I do get tired of the constant JWness of the things they talk about. It's always assembly this and Bible study that. I'm so glad I'm out, but I think they're in for life.
  
  Dave
• 

  IP_SEC

  Scully,

  I disagree. DAing is telling the WTS "you have no authority over me"

  To fade means to be forever viewed as a believer... a weak believer, but still a believer.

  Im not downing faders if thats what they want or feel like they need to do, but thats just my opinion.