by esw1966 20 Replies latest jw friends
I have considered it too, but then I am reminded that DAing is the WTS's rule. I do not recognize their claim of authority over me, so I do not feel obliged to submit to their rules.
It's that simple
I agree! I just left, no fade, no da - didn't care who thought what about me, they have no authority over me, why should I follow their rules?
nj
I would leave it as is for your kids sake. Somedays I wish I had not DA'd for my daughters sake. ANd I agree that it is their terminology and your not under it anymore.
I DA'd. I wasn't "obeying their rules". I was laying down mine, telling them to get the f*ck out of my life or suffer the consequences.
The DA method is guaranteed to produce quick results, namely getting them out of your life asap. Fading is a much longer process that takes a lot more patience, and there is no guarantee they won't start hounding you 10 years later.
Never mind the bullshit of whether it's your rules or their rules. Do what fits your own personal agenda. Both methods have their pros and cons, and everyone's situation is different.
W
I always considered DAing one more way of playing their game by their rules. Unless you need it for closure, which some co, then DA by all means.
Sherry
B_Deserter:
You are right about how the announcement of a DA carries no such distinction. There is a method to their madness in not doing this. It is a 'damage control' device employed by the spin doctors there.
I think it is because they do not want people to know somebody left because there is something wrong with the RELIGION. They would rather you think somebody left because they committed 'immorality', reasoning that it is unlikely you would be curious or make inquiries if you think this. That is why you hear deceptive terms like 'loose conduct' being thrown around.
They are VERY, VERY afraid if people think somebody left because there is a problem with the RELIGION. They KNOW there will be inquiries by people and they cannot have that!
LHG
Now that the announcement is the same "...is no longer
one of jehovahs witnesses", the congregation won't really
know who has da'd and who has been df'd, unless you
tell them. When I da'd a couple of years ago, I sent
personal letters to a few people in the congregation
explaining my reasons for leaving, so when the inevitable
gossip started, they at least were aware of why I'd really
left.
If you do put in a da letter, make sure you include that you
don't want to be visited in the future by the elders. Otherwise,
you might get an unwanted annual visit.
Now that the announcement is the same "...is no longer
one of jehovahs witnesses", the congregation won't really
know who has da'd and who has been df'd, unless you
tell them.
If someone was df'd in the past come on... everyone knew why. Dont you think the gossip mill still runs in JW land?
If someone was df'd in the past come on... everyone knew why. Dont you think the gossip mill still runs in JW land?
In my hall the gossip flowed freely among the popular ones. The rest of us were usually admonished™ when we tried to find out all the gory details.
W
I have left my old congregation 2 years ago. I have left jw teaching 1 1/2 years. I like being true to my beliefs. I considered myself da'd, but I thought I would hold out until there was no hope for my father, sister, and 3 daughters. I am feeling more and more that I can be of no help to them. So, as they want nothing to do with me, I am beginning to question if I should da myself soon. I held off thinking my relatives could talk to me easier thinking I was just df'd and not da'd.
I guess I'm a little confused are DF'd now?
I think it all depends on who you are and what's going on in your life. If your family talks to you at all and you want to keep that communication open even in the smallest way, then I wouldn't DA. But if you're like me and have been out awhile and everyone already shuns you because you stopped attending meetings and started living your life, then what have you got to lose. I DA'd to let them know that I wanted to be considered no part of their twisted religion. That this was my choice to cut them off and out of my life. I got sick of running into witnesses all over town who stared and made me feel uncomfortable, not talking to me anyway because they were unsure of my stand. I got tired of being shunned by those who were "supposed to be my friends" in public and feeling bad because I felt like they were judging me.
Personally at the point I was at, I wouldn't have cared if everyone went around saying I was a Satan worshipper who sacrificed the neighborhood animals at nights (obviously not true), I just didn't want anyone to even think for one second there was a chance in hell that I'd ever go back to meetings, especially after the fine display of "love" I was shown for the past several years by the witnesses and my family.
I get so sick of the "you're playing by their rules if you DA" comment. For god's sake, if you think I care about playing the WT's game and following their rules, why the hell would I DA? It makes no sense to imply that DA'ing is tantamount to allowing the borg to have the last word. DA'ing is the epitome of declaring your freedom from such rules and entrapment. It is the unmistakable message to the borg that you will not continue to play by their rules.
DA'ing is not done for the benefit of the borg. It is done for the benefit of the DA'er. I can't imagine anyone who is contemplating DA'ing would think, "Well, I'd like to leave, so out of respect for the elder's wishes, I'll write a DA letter." No! It's written for you to inform them that you want them off your back, or that you are disgusted with their hypocricy and want no part of it, or whatever.
I apologize if my post seems angry. I'm not lashing out at anyone in particular. But as I have stated in other threads, the decision to DA or fade or remain "in" is such an individual matter. For LDB and myself, DA'ing was absolutely necessary and absolutely the best thing we could have done. The elders were hounding us almost daily toward the end, wanting us to study again to "renew our love for Jehovah"; they'd call, they'd stop by unexpectedly, they'd leave magazines. Heck, I didn't even want to be outside in my yard because they could be coming down the driveway at any moment. Our story is much more complex than that, but then so is everyone else's story.
No one should judge anyone else for whatever decision they make, or imply that one way is weak or letting the borg have the upper hand.
