showed wife the new km article. bad decision.

by freeme 61 Replies latest jw experiences

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  freeme

  Please be very careful here. This would be an opportune time for the elders to ask one of those sticky questions. "Do you believe the FDS?" stuff and "Is there anything that would keep you from accepting an appointment to MS? Any questions on your part will tip them to your apostate thinking. If they have spoken to your wife and if she has said anything that could be harmful to you, anything you say that contradicts her could also be damaging. They have no qualms pitting wife against husband for the sake of keeping the congregation clean.

  yes, thanks for the warning. it would be real surprise to me if they could speak with my wife without my knowledge. she would tell me 100%. im sure. whenever i had a visit before i smiled, told them what they want to hear and wait until they leave. i never told them anything personal (in that case i was rebellious my whole life). of course the questions they ask may be harder then last time.

  you know what? its really hard for me to answer the first question. i think i couldnt state "yes, i believe in the fds" - it feels dirty to say that. i more likely would say, i believe in god/jesus... but that of course could give them a clue. i hope they dont ask something like this. both elders that want to visit me are very shy ones. i think they fear such questions. The appointment question would be easy to answer. I could say that i dont feel like accepting such things since i feel like i need to do more before :D haha.

  i expect more something like they could tell me that really need a MS and trying to give me strength to regain my old strength. maybe asking how they can help me or asking if they can go into service with me (puke... how to answer this one. its kinda forbidden to say "no" lol if you say generally "no" its apostate thinking 100% what means i have to say yes and go at least one time with the elder into ministry. lets hope he is as lazy as most elders when it comes to service).

  freeme
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  nvrgnbk

  You've done the most caring thing you could by trying to speak to her about these things, unfortunately it doesn't always work.

  Uh huh. Sometimes it's not about you or the WT. It's about her. Some people are afraid to be the recipients of unconditional love. They may unwittingly sabotage the efforts of those loving them.

  I wish you the best.
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  SuzieQ

  Sounds like your dedicated JW wife forgot the bible directions to be a quiet and mild spirit while winning them over without a word. By her actions she has shown her true quality/spirit. Same with you; a quiet and mild spirit may win her over! Stay open minded and seek freedom. SQ Calif. USA
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  logic

  Freeme...I have been married for 43 years. My wife and I have our ups and downs, mainly because we are both very stubborn people. We came to a realization years ago, we weren't going to change each other. As I read you post It sounded like I was reading about my own situation. Your wife does the same thing as my does to me, and it used to drive me nuts, but you see my wife likes to irritate me that way because she knows I would get upset and through me off. She knows you are right but she also knows she is in the truth. What I learned to do is just make a remark once in awhile and then keep my mouth shut. This has kept us both happy. You just have to rethink your thinking a little. good luck to you.
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  still_in74

  sometimes im really next to crying (better: im crying). - Oh boy can I relate with you

  . if i ask her for an answer and point out that she has none she blames me for not pushing her studying more because thats why she got lazy and does not study enough to give me an answer. its so hard.

  Dude, you and I are living the exact same life right now..........

  thats a crazy world we live in. im in fear that this could destroy our marriage sometime. its so stupid. sometimes i even fantasize about suicide. i really feel worthless. its not only my wife. its everything. my whole life is based on the jws. so much pain, so much pressure, so damn lonely :"( it would be bearable if only my wife would support me instead of throwing me to the dirt. i dont think i would commit suicide ever but sometimes death doesnt look THAT ugly anymore. at least for many jws someones death is not as bad as someones deassociation... a apostate is maybe lost forever... a dead person only for a short amount of time. fortunately im not a weak person and i recover quickly from feeling worthless (going for a walk can do wonders). but that cant be healthy...

  You have no idea what reading your words does to me. You are describing all of my thoughts to the letter. I have written numerous posts about how i am feeling and your description of your situation is like reading one of my own posts!

  Your fight with your wife is how I invision my attempt to talk to my wife... I just havent had the guts yet. (Kudos to you though!!) I know the pain, the gnawing in your chest and stomach, I know that pain. I feel it right now as I type. I know the pressure, the loneliness. You are not alone, I am totally with you on this, we are all here with you on this. I even understand your words about death not seeming so ugly, I totally understand that comment.... do I ever. I know I wouldnt commit suicide either but it seems like an easy way out when you feel there is "no easy way out".

  i nearly forgot: im still active. i live a minimum but active jw life. its a lot lieing. but it i cannot stand the consequenzes not to lie yet.

  Me too......

  thanks for everyone who read this. thank you! --<--@

  No, thank you. As much as others are in a similar situation as me, I now know someone in the EXACT same situation as me. You dont know how good it is for me to know that. I am literally holding back tears as I write this.

  I hope you continue to post here, PM me any time. I mean that.

  Your friend....... Still_in
• 

  still_in74

  btw: 2 weeks ago i had a #4 talk

  OMG !!!!!!! Was that the one on "Evidence why gods kingdom is a reality"??? I HAD THAT TALK!!!Was that the one???

  If it is then I am totally going to freak out cause it will mean we are in the Matrix and the program has screwed up and created the same fake life for 2 different people!
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  Sassy

  Just take things a day at at time. For those still brainwashed, there is a great fear to question or doubt anything the Watchtower Society directs. They are taught to run from this type of thinking. She loves you and so it is conflicting to her..
• 

  erandir

  Freeme, I am in a similar situation except a little more progressed in my fade. I've been inactive for a while, and my talks with my wife are progressing to the point where she doesn't get mad so much when I bring up things that I learn here. It's taken a while of gently introducing these things, making some progress, and also making her mad at times.

  The last conversation we had, she surprised me by agreeing that meeting attendance wasn't so big a deal after all...especially with the congregation we are in. She mainly goes to the book study meeting because her group seems to consist of mostly balanced individuals who don't get all pharisaic on everyone. She regularly skips the school and service meetings and most Sundays. Also, I got her to agree that the WT society is a modern-day bunch of pharisees. I plan to show her this article soon and tie it in somehow with this pharisee idea and the Bereans and whatever else I can think of. I'll let you know how that goes.

  You might find that over time, your wife will mellow out whenever you present new information to her about the cult she is still in...as long as you do so a little at a time and gently. The keys are being patient and presenting things little by little. Remember what the WT says about the "Adam to Armageddon" speech and how that turns off most householders? Too much information in too little time.

  The same concept applies here, only we're trying to get our loved ones to see something much more beneficial.

  Good luck!
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  freeme

  hey still_in74!!

  you know what? your post is great. im so glad that i posted my story. i hesitated a lil bit before... its a soul strip in front of strangers somehow (even though its anonymous). but it helps a lot! way more than i thought it will! you can pm me anytime too, buddy! when i was writing this i was deeply depressed. i feel much better today.

  OMG !!!!!!! Was that the one on "Evidence why gods kingdom is a reality"??? I HAD THAT TALK!!! Was that the one???

  If it is then I am totally going to freak out cause it will mean we are in the Matrix and the program has screwed up and created the same fake life for 2 different people!

  haha!! :-) i can calm you down! it wasnt the same talk. according to my ministry school book i had the talk on 18 July 07 ... Seems like 2 weeks to me? can it be different in different countries? possibly because of the district convention we had in july?! it was about "Who is baptized with holy ghost?"

  pfewwww... the matrix is still intact :-)))

  freeme

  edit:
  its still a little bit scary dont you think?
  same life situation, nearly the same talk, even our simpsons avatars are very similar. as a fact i created another avatar some time ago which featured the very same hair like yours! haha :D lol
• 

  sass_my_frass

  maybe asking how they can help me or asking if they can go into service with me

  You can deflect anything like that politely: "that's a very kind offer, brother, but I feel at this time that I'm not really in a position to do that... I feel that I need to study this and pray to Jehovah for guidance..." The key is to always be kind, polite, humble, and grateful for the help and support they provide.

  Unfortunately, for the big questions: ("Do you still believe in the FDS", etc.) you have to practice saying "Of course!!" with wide eyes like you're surprised that anybody could even think that.

  It does feel ugly and wrong to play that game, but you're going to have to sacrifice a small part of your integrity to keep your family.