How many have wives who think it's the truth? (page 3)

Highlander

My wife is in. I'm out. I have more to say, but now is not the time as it would all be negative, complicated and I'm just not ready to discuss it.

SnakesInTheTower

choosing life you say:

can I tag along for crumbs that might help

of course you can...not just "tag along", join in feet first. Having enjoyed some brief discussions via PM, I am certain you can offer fine insights that will be of help to many here. It is ironic that it is the wife leaving first. Often it is the wife who gets the "Truth" first.... FIFO...first in first out Did you become JW first or him? I forget.

Snakes ()

ps...you have a PM

fokyc

I have lived with this problem since 1952. I have even tried to join in with no great success, I am too well educated according to my wife's PO

I was baptised in 1963, given a 1 hour public talk the week after! Abandoned ship and worked overseas for the next 10 years.

It would be great to get another perspective on this, my wife is convinced it is the truth, even when she knows the elders are lying to her.

fokyc

coaster

Lay it on us Drew and anyone else, like yesterday!

Coaster

Check_Your_Premises

Drew,

Count me in. That is why I showed up here.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/86473/1.ashx

So you are wanting to use this thread to get all your insights and ideas on having a jw wife out?

Long thread! Also I think every situation is different enough to be it's own book. My book would be How to Survive Being Married to Mrs. CYP. It helps if your jw wife is very dedicated to staying married to you. Having children makes sure that cooler heads prevail in such matters.

I guess it depends on what your goal is.

If your goal is to "get them out" I would say it might work, and has for some folks.

If your goal is to "not get divorced" then I would say that the key is figuring out how to have a respectful attitude. Realizing that, for me, was the key event. I also think it is helping in goal number one, but I don't really think about it that way anymore. I don't think people leave until they are ready.

I started with a Steven Hassan approach, but that left me with an attitude of a scientist studying some guinea pig. This was my wife!!! Not to say that Hassan's stuff doesn't have a great deal of merit.

What finally worked for me was to accept her cult involvement and see it as an affliction, like alcoholism. Once I did that I was able to inoke that model. I protect myself and the children first. I DO NOT protect her from the consequences of the life she has chosen. I will not pretend and play along that WT screwiness is anything credible. I absolutely love her. If she is ever ready to leave, she knows she would never get any crap from me, only my support.

Detente.

Reagan correctly hated that word, but this is not a victory we can win or a fight we should fight. It is to be left to God and to our spouses. If they never leave, oh well, there really are worse things.

Matt

carla

Sorry if this is just for the guys, ditto to CYP's response especially, "What finally worked for me was to accept her cult involvement and see it as an affliction, like alcoholism." or I would add a mental illness of sorts, alcoholism works too. I agree with his assesment of Hasaan's book as well. I believe there is no way to 'get' somebody out until they are ready themselves.

I let my jw hang himself often when years ago (pre jw) I would have been able to smooth things over without anyone noticing. Not anymore, we all have consequences to live with by the choices we make in life. His was a choice to join the jw's, when he wakes up and realizes how much time and relationship he has missed with his loved ones including his children he will be heartbroken. It's ok to be heartbroken if we learn from it. I see shades of it already, but will he learn from it?

wannaexit

I am a wife that thought JW had the "Truth". Hubby knew roughly ten years before I finally got it.

He never gave up on me. In 2002 I finally started to "see" for myself.

I believe that even the most hard-core JW has some inner doubts. I know I did, but I shoved them aside. I would always blame myself for not understanding better.

Reading Ray Franz's books really helped me out.

Wanna

Doubting Bro

I'm also in a similar situation. If I could free her, I'd leave tomorrow. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Paralipomenon

I would suggest to look at why your spouse goes. Everyone has personal reasons.

My wife loved the social aspect of it and she had a huge fear of displeasing her parents. The whole living forever thing was just a small bonus.

She started making friends, and real friends at that, outside the organization. When she started having a social life there was less need to go to the meetings to find friends. As for her parents, after years of mind games she eventually started to read some books as to why they were like this, and what to do. She may never get her parent's approval, but it's no longer a driving goal in her life.

With the mental attachments to the organization severed, she was more apt to look at information that exposed some of the society's controversial decisions. Before, looking at such information meant losing her friends and parents. It wasn't worth it.

In the end, oddly, it wasn't me that convinced her to take that last step and start researching. It was getting in contact with an old friend who enlightened her about the abuse scandal and his personal experience.

So, summed up, I felt the organization was a crutch for my wife. Eventually I stopped trying to kick the crutch out from under her and supported her needs until she could stand on her own. When she could stand, she took the first step herself.

That's just my perspective, she may choose to post a different view of the events if she reads this.

drew sagan

Thanks for all your comments!

Whatever I write will be for everybody, it was just that sometimes when a woman is the one to learn it's not the truth the situation can be quite different (with the headship rules and all).

I think a goo number of posters have hit the nail on the head, especially when talking about the mind control aspect of it all. So many of us want to just have a magical conversation or argument that will change our wives (or husbands) view, but that can really put us in the doghouse and create more of a divide.

So much of what I've learned is not about how to convince your wife that something is wrong, but rather helping your wife to think for herself without all the fears the WTS has put in her. If somebody starts thinking for themselves then they will eventually start to see the BS in the Watchtower.

I'll compile it a bit at a time and do this whole thing in a series of posts. I hope that it can be of help to those of you still burdened by this problem

-Drew

How many have wives who think it's the truth?

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