I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out (page 2)

restrangled

Hi,

You mentioned you are taking care of 2 aged parents. Just one is a full time job and I doubt anyone would fault you for needing time off from meetings and service taking care of 2 parents.

You also need to take care of yourself which is hard to do when you are care taking others. Drop out of the Ministry School scenario, cut your service hours to zero and just attend Sundays if you feel the need to maintain.

You are so overloaded I can't believe it, and no human being would expect you to keep up the pace you are at.

Take care,

r.

jgnat

It breaks my heart when people feel trapped. All that does is whither your soul. Don't stay in that feeling, find a way to be free. Even if all your plans are just on paper for a while.

First of all, write a pro and con list for every option you have. Come to terms with what you can live with.

Second, indulge in active dreaming. Imagine your perfect life five years form now, what will you be doing? Where will you be? Then make a list of the small changes you can make now towards the goal.

These two steps can be very freeing. Try it and tell me how it works. I've had only one failure so far, Cordelia, but she chose to ignore the negative consequences of her fluctuating choices.

Taking care of YOUR heart is paramount, because you will be no good to anyone if you go down.

mentalclearness

you definitely echoed the same reasons I am inactive...It must be very difficult when you are living with your witness family...I slowly drifted away..stopped going out in service, commenting...missing meetings every now and them...and then missing them alot...basically until I was completely inactive..haven't been to a meeting in months..I think the key is gradually do it...I didn't want to talk to elders about the reasons I was leaving..but I did speak with my family and close friends and basically told them I didn't really believe anymore and had lost my faith..I was actually surprised to see that many weren't as shocked or disappointed as I thought. Hence the gradual theory...I guess I wasn't a ball of fire for such a long time, people almost expected me to fall away....but sometimes too you have to put your foot down and recognize that you are an adult and the choice to be a witness or not is yours...free will...you can't be df'ed if you haven't committed wrongdoing...and they can't do anything to you for not going to the meetings...or out in service...after a while people accept the fact that you are no longer interested in being a witness....but get ready to explain your position...get strong...your post was completely logical...My real friends in the organization still call me and talk to me and we even talk about people we know etc..my family is saddened but all in all I think they are happy that I'm not df'ed and they can still talk to me..In fact they tease me about it asking me if I'm atheist this month or what?? Alot of it has to do with your own personal attitude..Don't allow them to impose something you don't want..You're not a kid...You're a 34 year old adult...but I wouldn't recommend disassociating yourself. That would be foolish and make things so much more difficult for you...And I'd stick to the I don't believe instead of giving details that would give you the category of apostate...unless you know who you are talking to very well and can trust them....but let them deal with the inactive thing first...And while it is difficult and cuts your network considerably it feels incredibly wonderful to live by your own beliefs and not feel like a hypocrite...like you are putting on a show...hope this helps..hang in there...

Awakened07

Hey - know that you are not alone!

In fact, your story is so much like mine right now in a lot of ways, that I can't "expose" which parts, because the world's a very small place (especially where I live) and I'd like to keep as much anonymity as possible.

I have drifted away 'successfully' though - but that also means I currently have no friends on the inside, and no friends on the outside. I've never been the "partying and drinking all night" type of guy, and most non-JWs around here are. So I'm very much alone. Thankfully I quite enjoy my own company. Aside from myself, I have contact with my close family who are still inside - but since I'm not disfellowshipped or disassociated yet, they can have some contact with me. But none from my so-called friends on the inside. They are afraid of me, because whatever I have caught may rub off on them... I know, 'cause I used to think like them. So I don't really blame them.

Anyway - starting to babble now... Good luck - you're in a tough spot right now, as am I I guess, but I think we'll make it anyway.

Don't underestimate the psycological impact such a change in life and your outlook on life may have though. I think I might have. But after a while, you'll know how to handle life without the witnesses, and how to get a new outlook on life itself. Of course - "ever lasting, perfect life in a paradise" is a hard act to follow, but as long as that 'act' is false... Not so hard after all.

I shouldn't be so cocky though - I haven't actually left yet, I'm just inactive. But I have my reasons. Even though my brain is 100% certain I'm right, my.... heart? ... sometimes is not. But this is a normal reaction pattern for someone departing a cult, as I've found out.

Anyway - you're not alone, so if you need some help just figuring life out, I think you'll get some good advice here.

Good luck.

jwfacts

I moved back in with my family to help care for my aged parents, both of whom are now disabled. If I were to be DF'ed or DA'ed I would no longer be welcome here.

Strange isn't it, you are the one doing your parents a favour, yet you would not be welcome. It is them that will be loosing more than you will.

A really important thing to do is to make friends outside the JWs. However it is very hard. You speak a different language - Watchtowerian - and so you will appear quite strange to others. Many people will not be able to understand and relate to you, but you find some that do. I spent a number of years in your position of living a lie, but it allowed me time to develop a network outside the organization. These people did everything they could to help me get through when I was d/f. I was always worried before leaving that I could never develop friends as close as the JW youth I grew up with. Yet now I am just as close to these 'worldly people' who have shown me far more loyalty. They have seen how much I have been through, changed and developed over the last 5 years.

If you are not in a position to fade, then just stop going. But don't say why to anyone. Tell them you need a break, are stressed, whatever. You can not be disfellowshipped for that. Of course, you will need to put up with endless harrassment to go back to meetings.

ex-nj-jw

(((((((((((((((orgull))))))))))))))))

All I can offer you is a hug. I agree with others that say you should try and get some counseling, at least you will have a real life person to talk to. As for leaving the cult, I just walked away and that doesn't sound like an option for you at this point. Your parent's obviously need you to take care of them, maybe they won't make you leave.

I hope things get better soon for you

nj

nvrgnbk

I left when I couldn't tolerate one second more.

It was terribly easy.

The wreckage after the fact is just what a cult normally does to a life.

I'm cleaning up the wreckage.

Everything will be fine. Better than fine, in fact.

Same goes for you, org.

Lady Liberty

Dear Orgull,

(((HUGS)))!!! Hang in there! I am sure you will get alot of good advise from those in your shoes. Just know this...You are not alone!!

We are here for you!

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Tyrone van leyen

If I was you I would secretly fill my head with all the info you need to feel better about yourself and your situation. Being on this forum is a good start. Your gut is telling you something and you mustlisten to it. Staying in, your not happy, and going out will be tough but at least their is a light at the end of the tunnel. The elephant will continue to sit on the needle until it hurts enough for him to jump off. One day you will look back and feel sorry for those you knew. Loneliness is quite common. Big deal, you are lonely and dieing inside right now anyways. It doesn't have to remain that way. The sooner you make your moves the sooner you will begin to heal.

Once you are satisfied, their is no turning back, Butif you wish to avoid controversy just disapear until you are strong enough to deal with these people. You must veiw your family and people as victims who don't know any better. Trust me my freind things will get better. How could they be any worse.

drew sagan

I agree that this is probably going to a very difficult period in your life, there simply isn't anything that is going to be able to change that. At the same time I think there are some things that can help you realize that you are not as trapped as you think that you are.

Two years ago I felt totally trapped. When you do not have the support of anybody else who is JW you go through a lot, and that really added to my struggle. During this time I was beginning to see that long held ideas and beliefs where simply not true. I too felt like a fraud for participating in that lifestyle while at the same time knowing I didn't believe any of it. I wanted out!

Looking back I can see that at a number of different times I was simply over reacting from inexpierance. All of the anxiety and tension came from the fact that I was a changing person not even knowing what I was changing into.

During this process of change it is our gut instinct to want to shed off that which holds us down. We want to declare to the world that we no longer feel the way we used to, at the same time we are afraid of the consequences.

I really suggest that you try just slowing backing off of the JWs while doing your studies and reexamining life.

The longer you are an ex-jw (in your mind at least) the more experienced you become at it. Act to quickly in running from the org and there can be many painful bumps and bruises that happen along the way.

I am stuck in a life I don't want and can't see the way out

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