Is it SABOTAGE or HONESTY (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

....I suggested he think about it for a week...

That is hitting him over the head with it, but you don't have to
waste any time on him. Move on, unless he calls.

BCberean

OTWO...????.....please explain^^^^^^^^^^how is it 'hitting him.....

RAF

It looks like he is giving you an ultimatum (not fair regarding the subject = your integrity) what's next?
But, but, but : how long is this relationship running? 1 or a few weeks / 3 months / 6 months / 1 year / more ?
you don't really have to answer those questions here but (think about it) :
Are you still virgin?
Why do you stand on this kind of integrity? (is it to make sure that he wants to marry you before you give it (that's an ultimatum back to what's next? but from you) - or is it because of your morality on the matter? or anything else?

Also :
Marriage is not a real guaranty - you may want to think about it - but your integrity is somehow - he/they might want to think about it
Take care there was a time when this kind of integrety was well appreciated, in knowing that men usualy found ways to get what they wanted if needed somewhere else anyway - now most women do too ... So knowing how you fit together in the matter before marriage can finally be something you/him/they want to know about. (but I guess wanting to be sure he really loves you is still more important - than getting married)
Now if you get this kind of reaction with every boyfriends you had - Question : what else (if anything) are you old school about? (maybe you make them think that they will have too much to deal with way before to know if they really love you (and by then want to marry you)

Stealth453

Be up front from the get-go.

Guys appreciate it.

Good luck.

OnTheWayOut

....I suggested he think about it for a week...

I assume much. Maybe too much.

Did you say this as he was trying to break up?
Was it shortly after you said NO SAMPLES w/o A WEDDING NIGHT?
I assumed that this was your ultimatum- something along these lines:
"That's my moral stand, take it or leave it. Before you decide to break
up with me, think about it for a week, no pressure."

Any guy who is considering whether a pursuit is worth it or not- will
not like added pressure of deadlines. Giving the guy a week gives him
the easy out. He doesn't have to call to break up, he can just be done.

I say this is hitting him on the head because he gets what he views as
the bad news, then gets a deadline to decide. His only options are to call
and make you think your rules are acceptable (which is what you want) or
to never call. You could have made him officially break up or continue with
the understanding that the rule is in place- by saying nothing. Would he
run away, still without calling? Perhaps, but usually he would say your
rules are fine, your rules are not fine, or he needs to think about it. In the
third choice (without a deadline) he would still need to break up if he
decided it wasn't fine.

There's nothing wrong with what you did. I was just commenting.

RAF

also, maybe you'll get something to think about this :
the most trashfull prostitute can find someone who really loves her
the most higher on moral about sex abstention before marriage can finally end up with a man who only needs an householder (and will find whatever else he needs somewhere else).
the only questions left is : Is it love? for who? for What?
The reason why I only stand on feelings is because therefore It's only about my feelings (no regrets - did I really had the choice? or this is what I've wanted) whatever will happen.

Love and making love is a gift (you might be wrong on who you gave it too - well take it as an experience) but it doesn't diminishe the gift nor who you are. Whoever will judge you on that do not even worth you to give him/her a bit of attention.
your body = your right - I mean if you don't want to have sex, don't (it's not about you need to be married before or not, you might realised that even married you may not want to have sex even with your husband anyway). the thing is just that you don't want to (there is something to do about it or not) but whenever you force someone or are forced about that it's a rape somehow.
Now if you want to ... well you still have to take care of some stuff but certainely not : will he marry me at the end? what if the guy you love dies before? life is short ... love is good ... sex is cool (just don't put to much weight into it to get what you want or about losing whatever when love is involved at least on your side - you'll never really know about the other one - people change - and you will change either)
Integrity is also about not lying to yourself (and well take responsability is just matter of maturity - which suppose to go through experience).

BCberean

I met him the end of May.

He wasn't pushy....was a great dancer...nice and clean cut..... NOT a JW.

......soooooo....

I thought we could be friends.........

I was still 'active'.......when the DC came around I invited him.

I realized that he probably wouldn't become a Jehovah's Witness so I told him I couldn't see him anymore

During that 3 week separation period I DIDN't miss him....

I had something more important on my mind....and besides

I felt morally and intellectually superior...after all he wasn't a JW

During that 3 week separation period I finally went on the Internet

The biggest impact was the UN NGO affiliation ...

I ran into him again while I was in the midst of my 'shock and denial' experience

He's told me he loves me

I've told him I can't say that yet...because...

to me...

saying ' I Love You' means the same as...... I have 'decided to commit'...for ALL time

Something has just occured to me as I write this post....

Could it be that I am in the 'shock and denial' stage now re this relationship

Sure feels like it.....after all the attention and loving acts and compliments...

I still can't believe he would let me go

I guess this weekend was the clincher because we went to a music festival and it was near my house and too far for him to travel back to his house an hours drive away...sooo

He slept in the living room...'not' his choice

Yup ....I spose it's finally SUNK in....

I miss him

RAF

Yep : All together, you do not sound like you are really in love with him ... and he doesn't sound to really attract you physically either... SO

BCberean

It was a GOOD thing that I didn't have an initial overwhelming physical attraction for him

In my experience chemistry can develop...

Believe me...the physical contact we did have showed me that that element was definitely there

which is why.....I was constantly 'ducking' him didn't want things to get out of hand

I even started believing that God was helping this relationship ....because....

I found myself having no desire to kiss him.

.I'' was'' a little worried.tho

...thought I'd have to 'train' him how to kiss.........

.but.........then....

one day he was on his way to work....and he kissed me and that 'particular' time

it got me really'' **spinning**.....surprised me???!!!!

I couldn't figure out WHY....and then..

.after I thought about it

I realized it was because I """wasn't afraid """"of where kissing him would lead us

because......he was on his way to work....... and

there was 'no time'take it further.

My mind is in control.....I hate to sound ungrateful...but sometimes...

I wish I could turn it off....just sometimes

RAF

You know what? I like the way you express yourself on the matter ... sounds genuine and true ! (charming in fact)

Is it SABOTAGE or HONESTY

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