Is it SABOTAGE or HONESTY (page 3)

Junction-Guy

I like Stealth453's reply. Just be honest and upfront. He can either say 'no thanks,I cant wait" or "That's Ok as I only want to be friends" or "I feel the same way"

If he runs the opposite direction, then he probably was only interested in bedding you, not courting you.

SixofNine

So you're deathly afraid of sex?

BCberean

I wish....sure would make things easier.
I'm deathly afraid of sex 'out of context'

Remember that song quoting Ecclesiastes....
To Everything there is a SEASON
turn...turn...turn

I never did understand the significance of the words
???? 'turn..turn...turn....???
But I sure 'get' the message of that song

................................THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING..................................

RAF...thankyou

.

greendawn

Most men nowadays do not accept that sex should be confined to marriage and therefore banned before it. The best way out is to minimise the waiting time ie get married quickly or find someone who also holds the same moral standards.

BCberean

hmmmm......

Since I believe love is a 'choice' ie a 'decision'...not a 'feeling'

One needs TIME to gather data

As for the second option...twould take a Miracle...

but then again.....I spose that's where 'prayer' comes in

If this relationship folds.... I'll be 'toast' as far as relating to someone else

Takes me a 'long' time to go through that 'grief' process thing

ex-nj-jw

What happens if you wait until you get married to have sex, and then you find out you don't like sex or that the person you made wait for sex doesn't satisfy you in bed? Or that person wants to do certain sex acts that YOU dont approve of? What if that person after waiting for marraige finds out on the wedding night that you are not sexually responsive and now they are stuck in a sexless marraige?

Will your high moral standards come between you and your potential spouse after marraige? Sounds like you want your cake and eat it too. You want this guy to give you compliments and make you feel special and give nice kisses, but they come with exceptions on your part.

Why is he the only one expected to be considerate? I think in his best interests he should leave you alone so that you can find someone that feels the same as you.

You may end up with someone who is as sexually uptight as you are. Please don't feel that I'm attacking you, just some things that popped into my mind. I personally would not buy the car if I couldn't test drive it. Also, I wouldn't buy a car without some previous driving experience.

Good luck, I hope you find someone to be happy with. Marraige is about a lot of different things, a few are respect, honesty, mutual interests, etc...and sex. You find out by dating if you are compatible in all these things except sex???

nj

JK666

Be true to yourself. You have just had some MAJOR culture shock with your recent revelations of the borg, and probably are in flux as to what it all means and what your own values are. Maybe you should sort out some of your feelings before getting into a serious relationship?

JK

SixofNine

Seems to me you have all the excuses you could possibly need to get you (moderately comfortably) (thru a sort of life) (relatively untouched).

;)

It is only fair that you should either A) tell men right up front, and then immediately tell them again that it is non-negotiable (people have been saying they don't believe in sex before marriage for eons, but then they go ahead and have sex before marriage, so if you truly mean it, you need to reiterate it), or B) date only in the rare faith community that truly attempts to practice abstinence before marriage, and make it clear to your man that you take that aspect seriously and it is non-negotiable.

edited to add: I agree with the above; if you are new out of the witnesses, it might make a lot of sense to give yourself time to get to know yourself as a normal, everyday person before you get serious about a relationship. You might liken it to dating on the rebound; never a good idea.

LongHairGal

I agree with other posters who say you should be with somebody who has the same values as you do. Good riddance to bad trash is what some would say.

I remember years ago meeting somebody in a laundromat and he wanted to get together. He wasn't anything special in the looks department but he seemed nice enough. I was still active as a JW but open-minded as to meeting men outside because I felt JW men were hopeless. But, I still had my 'high morals' and would not just jump into bed with anybody (unless they were so special I would make an exception). Anyway, in conversation I mentioned to this guy my 'stand' on morality and he still took my number.

A couple of days later he called to say "it wouldn't work out because he would get frustrated.." Okay.... The more I thought about it, I realized to myself that who the hell needs somebody who would only have been interested in getting laid. Likely, he would have been just a one-night-stand. What did I miss? Probably a whole lot of nothing.

LHG

cognizant dissident

Yes, I agree with the last few comments also. You say you felt morally superior to him because you were a JW. No surprise there. I would suggest, by your comments, that you still feel morally superior to him and other people who do not choose to wait until marriage until having sex. If that's what works for you, fine, it is your body and your right, but you will necessarily limit yourself to partners who share your same view. Best to look in another conservative, fundamentalist church for a life partner or wait for a relationship until you have explored a broader world view than just the JW's.

Cog

ps: I would also suggest that next time you go out with someone, instead of laying down all your "rules" for relationships that the other person will have to agree to, try just relaxing and getting to know the person. Ask them about themselves and their values, their philosophies, etc. Take a sincere interest and try to at least understand and respect their point of view even if you don't agree with it. In other words, concentrate on being "friends" first. If you are compatable as friends, then you may be compatable for marriage. Take the first step before jumping to the last one.

Is it SABOTAGE or HONESTY

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