That was beautiful, Terry.
Very touching.
The trick to it is not thinking it to death and trying to capture it like some rare butterfly in a net!
Loved that, especially.
I'm in love and ... scared !!!
by RAF 32 Replies latest social relationships
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nvrgnbk
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AK - Jeff
I think you are in love - but I can't put a solid definition on that word - Love. I think it means what it means to you. I think it is different for every human being, while sharing some similar components with most.
Want to know if it is love? Someone told me once to 'go away, don't see or talk to each other by mutual consent for three months'. If when you come back, you both feel the same way - you are both in love with each other. After all it matters the most if you are both in the same place, right?
Luck and Love to ya' kid - Love gets better after 40 I hear.
Jeff
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snowbird
Take wings and fly while the air is sweet with sunshine and your soul is lighter than magic.
Terry, that is so poetic. You have a gift for putting the right words together. RAF, I know how you feel.
It is scary because of the intensity of your feelings. Just take it slowly - as if that is easy to do - enjoy the time you have together and let tomorrow take care of itself.
I am happy for you.
Snowbird
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RAF
Snowbird : RAF, I know how you feel.
It is scary because of the intensity of your feelings. Just take it slowly - as if that is easy to do - enjoy the time you have together and let tomorrow take care of itself.
Yeah ... anyway there is nothing else I can't do (won't run away - won't force it)
Thank you all !!!
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RAF
AK JEFF - Want to know if it is love? Someone told me once to 'go away, don't see or talk to each other by mutual consent for three months'. If when you come back, you both feel the same way - you are both in love with each other. After all it matters the most if you are both in the same place, right?
Luck and Love to ya' kid - Love gets better after 40 I hear.
I stayed away for 3 weeks and when we saw each other we were like dogs getting their toy back (too much visible in the first seconds - we calm down very quick - cause there was a lot of people around) it was funny somehow
Thanks
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FlipThis
you should be
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hopelesslystained
Hi Raf! I could highlight everything you have said and what you are feeling and saying is almost identical to myself.
A few years ago when I was your age I got to the point (after 15 yrs of happy and active singleness following a 10yr marriage to a jw) I wanted someone that I could really care about. Even someone I could argue with and care how they felt, in short, a real partner in life. I sat down and talked to the full length mirror and put it out there what I wanted in a partner, what I needed and desired. The needs were very real and honest. Then I forgot about it. Being very independent and self sufficient I went on with my life and never spoke a word of where I was emotionally.
6 months later, he was sitting in front of me at a gathering of mutual friends. It hit me like a slap in the face.
Enter in all the fears you have described. We found out we had a temendous chemical compatability, which had been obvious to our other friends in common for a number of years.. Well, decision time came fast, there were other men in my life, but I cared how this one really felt. First of all, and probably even more important than the chemical attraction, is the fact that he met all of my needs and desires in a partner! A very SCARY feeling. I felt for the first time in 15 yrs to be out of control of my feelings.
After a few discussions with various people, I went with my gut feeling.
Marriage was something I just wanted, I wanted security from my lover and so did he. We had a beautiful and simple marriage 1 1/2 yrs later and here we are 12 yrs later and very happy, I know I can speak for him as well.
In summary...fear seems to be a part of it all. Know what you want and need from a commited partner. Then just, well, enjoy what comes
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Mum
Whatever it is, you've got it bad!
For now, accept your feelings. If you are considering anything long-term, get to know this person better. Love is a good start, but without mutual respect and shared values, love cannot flourish. I'm sorry if I am raining on your party, but this is the voice of experience and witness to many relationship disasters.
Love hurts.
Wwishing and hoping that all goes well with the two of you,
SandraC
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RAF
FlipThis : you should be
I am ... And when I read Hopelesslystained sounds like it is a part of it all.
Hopelesslystained
Nice story ... Thanks I feel really understood here about a part of the reason I'm scared about.
The thing is that I'm a DIE HARD SINGLE ... since the biginning ... feeling dependant doesn't float my boat at all, at all, at all ... (and more over in the love matter)
What is scary is : What could be my expections from my huge personnal feelings (which are maybe not really shared to the same level) has TyroneVL said most of the time there is one who loves more than the other one ... I'm already able to love full size when I don't feel that way ... What will it be if I do feel that way !!! (scary scary scary) because now I even felt like to go further with bigger involvements ...
I mean, usualy I'm abble to control my feelings. It wouldn't take more than a week to really get rid of any bad feeling or any need from the other one. And just need to get a clear view of it all to tell myself FORGET ABOUT IT ... it was as simple as that - the way to not suffer have just be to SHUT IT DOWN once and for all.
On Tyrones Hit music session topic GWQ brought up a song which really was talking to me about my fears ... NE ME QUITTE PAS (don't leave me) ... I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS POSITION, I JUST DON'T ... I'd rather let go RIGHT NOW - forget about it (looks like I'm a real coward - but I guess I know better about my extreme sensitivity - since this feeling is too big I feel like I'm NOT READY AT ALL).
to recall what it brought up that's what I've wrote on this thread :
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The worst part of this song is the fact that he is begging her to stay to the point to say (in french version) let me become the shaddow of your shaddow, the shadow of your hand, the shaddow of your dog (pet) that's toooooo deep !!!
I guess this song and my father have something to do whith the reason why, my way is : you want to go away ... Ok ... as well as I wouldn't want anyone going this far about their need to stay close to the one they love and certainly not me.
That's also probably Why I'm scared today. (dependance)
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I saw to many people sink into something I would rather never get into ... I can love very hight already without being that much in love (to compare about the feeling I have for this guy without even being involved with him).
And about my own experience Anthony's father was my best friend till I was 3 month pregnant - and he just became my worst ennemy from then (scary, scary, scary) I still have no idea why exactly ... I had to move or he would have killed me. And he is not the only one ... in the name of love (UGH !!!) I forgave but I need to not forget (people change and sometimes you just don't know why)
So I'm already scared about how far they can go with me (and fine any reason to be mean in using love as an excuse or neglecting me in using the excuse that I look strong ) ... and now I'm also scared about how far I can love.
Mum : Whatever it is, you've got it bad!
For now, accept your feelings. If you are considering anything long-term, get to know this person better. Love is a good start, but without mutual respect and shared values, love cannot flourish.
Yep ... but right now ... About my life and my feelings I'm used to live day by day ... tomorrow is another day (so me even thinking about getting married and worst having kid ... Well that's not me YET ... and that was scary to just think that I would get into it for him) ... I'M NOT READY ... just the way I'm thinking about it is pathetic, I don't think it would do me any good (or any good to him)to get into more involved relationship with the state of mind that I have today ...(it's fucked up) ...
I'll take my time and if I can't get read of this fear, rationalised it (there will be no way to help this relationship to go further - that's what my guts is telling me right now). I just hope that at least I'll be able to keep the friendly relationship ... and that's all what I really need by now and this just pop out of my head : maybe he doesn't want more than that ... and maybe he feels the same ... and maybe that's why I feel incounsciously understood by him ... and this would explain why in knowing that we like each other we don't talk about it.
I don't know ... I'm lost ... And as long as I wond be able to figure out where I am on this map ... I'll stay where I stand.
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LtCmd.Lore
The thing is that I'm a DIE HARD SINGLE ... since the biginning ... feeling dependant doesn't float my boat at all, at all, at all ... (and more over in the love matter)
Why did you feel that way? Do you remember your reasons? Are they still valid reasons or do they no longer apply?
You wanted to remain single. Why? Did you think it would give you a better quality of life? If so, has that proven to be false? Or do you think your life as a whole would improve if you persued this relationship?
Do you feel dependant now? Why did you not want to feel dependant? Do those reasons no longer apply?
Seriously think about it. It's all about your quality of life. If this man will lower your quality of life, then stop now.
If you can't stop now, why not? Do you think you are drawn to this man for biological reasons, psychological reasons, rational reasons, or spiritual reasons?
Lore