Atheist joke

MadTiger

>
>
>
> AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
>
> An atheist was walking through the woods.
> "What majestic trees"!
> "What powerful rivers"!
> "What beautiful animals"!
> He said to himself.
>
> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
> in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly
> charge
> towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his
> shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
>
> He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even
> closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself
> up
> but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his
> left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the
> Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
>
> Time Stopped.
> The bear froze.
> The forest was silent.
>
> As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of
> the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't
> exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to
> help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
> The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be
> hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but
> perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?
>
> "Very Well," said the voice.
>
> The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And
> the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head
> & spoke:
>
> "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy
> bounty in Jesus name I pray, Amen."
>
>
>
> --

BrentR

LOL!!!!!!

nvrgnbk

So all the guys ever killed by bears were smart-ass atheists?

Paralipomenon

lol, I like it.

eclipse

hahahaa I loved it.

5go

Funny every time a bear chase me and I say "I oh my god save me!" time speeds up. I usualy fix the problem myself with the help of my little friend Taurus.

zeroday

I would yell out "OH MY Smith and Wesson".

5go

Did some one say smith & wesson ?

A half an inch in diameter of lead moving at 2300 feet per second.

The Model 500 Revolver is a double-action revolver produced by Smith & Wesson, based on the X-Frame.

The 500 is the "world's most powerful production revolver" , firing the .500 S&W Magnum. (Higher grain, but the Smith & Wesson .460 XVR has the highest muzzle velocity of any production revolver made [1])

The 500 holds 5 rounds. The .500 Smith and Wesson calibre can fire at incredible velocities and deliver an unusually large quantity of kinetic energy - the most high-powered commercial round weighing 440 grains (28.5 g) has a muzzle energy of 2600 foot·pounds force (3.5 kJ). However handloaders have experimented with 325 grain bullets at 2300 feet per second, developing 3817 foot·pounds (5.1 kJ) of muzzle energy.

Articles, statements, and opinions vary widely on this firearm. Any of the available bullet weights can be relied on to take game at a range in excess of 200 yards (180 m), a feat matched by only a handful of other pistol-type firearms.

While firearms of this size can scare un-seasoned shooters with the recoil, the advanced design of the firearm helps in counteracting recoil felt by the shooter. This includes the sheer weight of the firearm, use of rubber grips, the forward balance, and the use of a compensator. (Traded for a full muzzle brake on the performance center model) These additions make the firearm entirely manageable for those accustomed to the shooting of large caliber handguns, but still extreme for an inexperienced shooter.

stillajwexelder

clever

LtCmd.Lore

Funny.

It kind of reminds of that Spongebob episode where they get three free wishes before getting eaten by the Flying Dutchman, so they wish he was a vegetarian.... then he turns them into fruit................

So kids the moral of the story is: Don't trust supernatural entities. They're all mean. (And they have a great sense of humour.)

Lore

Atheist joke

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